Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Sherlock Holmes
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Mark Strong,
Directed by: Guy Ritchie
Warner Brothers
The Official Site of Sherlock Holmes
Discuss Sherlock Holmes on the boards!
Robert Downey Jr.’s turn as literature’s most famous detective (that doesn’t dress like a bat) Sherlock Holmes is a career-making performance. Or at least it would’ve been had Downey not slid on that Iron Mask a couple summers ago. His take on Holmes has a lot of similarities to the combination of confidence, genius and vanity that made his Tony Stark one of the most interesting superheroes in years. Holmes embraces all of that without the hygiene or technology.
This latest version of Sherlock Holmes has been marketed as a superhero whose super power is his advanced intellect. He defeats his enemies with his world-class book smarts and keen eye for detail. A preferred version to the old-timey Brit throwing his brain at people, which could easily be misconstrued from the high concept description.
Fans of the source material (including Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s classic series of books as well as the string of films it inspired) may take issue with the modernization of Holmes but missing magnifying glasses and pudgy sidekicks don’t remove the spirit of the character. Holmes is definitely presented like a superhero film with all the spit polish, cartoon baddies and grand set pieces that that implies but the story itself is all kinds of British, super-sleuth charming.
Holmes pits the Sherlock against the evil Lord Blackwood who has risen from the dead to take over the world. Lofty goals for a zombie but the classic premise of science versus magic offers ample opportunity for our hero to be challenged and find new creative ways to save the day.
At his side is Doctor Watson (brilliantly cast in Jude Law) who sheds his jolly naiveté for street smarts and stubbornness towards his dear friend Holmes (slash roommate in a confusingly Bert and Ernie sort of way if you know what I mean). The truest treat of the film is the camaraderie between these two. Downey and Law’s chemistry is instant and electric. Something easy to latch on to as the story takes off.
At his other side to less affect is Irene Adler, the only woman that ever bested Holmes. She is a sloppy love interest slash opportunity to at establishing a sequel. Her connections to organized crime offer us shadowy glimpses at Moriarty, Holmes’ most infamous nemesis, opening the door for Holmes to develop into something bigger and badder. (Think the joker card in Batman Begins or the entire last third of Casino Royale) Most regrettably Adler is a complete waste in that she was cast with the wonderful Rachel McAdams who continues to get herself attached to fantastic projects that don’t give her adequate opportunity to shine.
My disappointment with the film didn’t end in its wasted heroine though they’re considerably less severe. I think that in its narrative the film fails to make good use of a couple of obvious pay offs. There are sequences early on involving sensory overload and the inner workings of Holmes’ mind that begged to be revisited during the film’s climax but are noticeably missing. One in particular where Holmes calls out in his mind the attacks he’s going to use as the audience watches along in slow motion before seeing it come to life in real time would have been a perfect addition to the film’s big showdown. Its absence hurts the film.
This is not only the return of Holmes but also of director Guy Richie in his most accessible film in years. I’m a huge fan of Richie, his grasp of British crime and his affinity for slow motion - not to mention some of his more oddball experiments behind the camera. Holmes encompasses that at restraint. You can feel the wagging finger of Warner Brothers keeping him in check. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. Freedom is fantastic but new perspectives can bring about new ideas or in this case hone a broad idea into the textbook definition of a tent pole crowd-pleaser. It’ll never be as satisfying as a good book but it was a spectacular way to close out 2009.
Holmes offers a nice burst of adrenaline but for a film boasting one of literature’s finest minds - it’s a touch dim. Seeing it a second time I was equally charmed by the film’s pace, development and performances (Downey and Law are remarkable buddy cops. If they recast War Machine again for Iron Man 3 I think we’ve got a great candidate even if he is super white) but disappointed it had little else to offer. This should be a film with nuance, the type of movie that offers you new insight with repeat viewings. Sadly it’s a film that lives and dies on face value. It’s pure entertainment but little else. Such a shame.
Fans of the FOX program House, a series developed around the Holmes template, will definitely understand this version of the Sherlock as opposed to the prim and proper super sleuth he’s been iconified (not a word) as. Both embody the selfishness of a mind that stands head and shoulders above those he’s surrounded himself with. The movie definitely echoes the complex relationship between House and his Dr. Watson, something I’m eager to see them build on in the inevitable sequel.
Undecided. Fun is great but a smarter movie would have me reaching for it more often. I wonder what the life span is of a movie that has the promise of saying something great but ultimately says little beyond “ka-blamo!”
To hear more spoiler talk for movies like Holmes, Avatar and even movies I haven’t touched on here like The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnasus please give a listen to the all-new Crappy movies podcast. It’s a brand new show that will focus on taking a closer look at films, both new and old, exploring themes and topics I can only tease at in the reviews. You can listen to the first five shows via this widget or the shows homepage at talkshoe. It’s a young show and I’m beginning to experiment with editing and on site hosting. If it continues to be fun you can expect it to evolve. For now it is what it is – two guys shooting the shit about movies.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V