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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Avatar

Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Michelle Rodriguez, Giovanni Ribisi, Joel Moore

Directed by: James Cameron

New Line Cinema

The Official Site of Avatar

Discuss Avatar on the boards!

So here’s the problem with Avatar (great way to start off a review right?): It’s a beautiful masterpiece that will be remembered for its advancements… none of which have anything to do with the story it has to tell. After taking more than a decade off from none documentary feature films, James Cameron brings us a film spotlighting huge leaps in the fields of 3-D, motion capture and computer generated craziness but not the narrative structure.

And that’s fine. It’s an exciting time for film and part of that is due to Cameron and crew’s technological marvels. Avatar is certainly a must see for anyone and everyone not because it’s a great story but because it gives us a glimpse at the bells and whistles a generation of filmmakers will lovingly emulate. Wouldn’t it have been something if it were worth seeing for both reasons though?

That neglected story is a classic one. A soldier battles with the dualities of the life he came from and a new exciting one that promises freedom, adventure and love. All the while bad guys slaughter innocents for the almighty dollar and we all learn a little bit about ourselves. Sam Worthington plays Jake Sully, a paraplegic and former marine that has come in to fill the shoes of his recently passed brother as part of a scientific expedition to study a new moon. He will explore the globe inside an avatar body grown from a combination of human tissue and tissue from the native population the Na'vi - blue-skinned giants with feline features and an eco-friendly message. The avatar allows Jake and his fellow scientists to explore the world from the safety of their lab but still experience the wonders this world has to offer first hand.

The human’s are there not so much to learn about Pandora’s luscious eco system but instead mine a precious mineral that will save a dying Earth. We follow Sully as he learns the culture of the Na'vi and comes to see the error of the human’s persistence in forcing out the natives.

Cameron is a purest in how he tells his story. These are classic themes that audiences will understand if not straight out recognize from past works of art. I take no issue with this. A good story that we’ve heard before is still a good story. What we then have to look at is how it’s told.

There is an emptiness to the characters. The story’s structure is so focused to Jake’s journey that we get only glimpses of the opinions and motivations fueling the supporting cast, characters we’re supposed to sympathize with when their lives are threatened and even martyred in the name of what’s right. In the film’s finale, as they explode, we appreciate not the lost life but how spectacular it looked falling from the sky.

A well-paced, leisurely journey through the strange new world leads us to the grandest of grand finales. The nearly hour-long action between the humans and Na'vi is astounding. One of the finest epic battles of its kind ever committed to film. I recognize that the stunning visuals were only part of the reason I enjoyed this sequence. It is the climax of all that came before it. The difference though between a good movie and a great movie is that a great movie can make all that set-up just as momentous.

People are being moved by the advances Cameron has introduced to the medium instead of the adventure his characters are enduring. People will call Avatar one of the greatest cinematic experiences of our times and it’s absolutely accurate… sort of.

Rating: 8 out of 10 - This is not an experience to be missed. There is much to love about Avatar no matter how much my review may accentuate the negative. There’s also much to discuss with the film including the visuals and performances strong enough to break through the guise of a complete makeover but this is the spoiler free, going in blind review. Don’t expect a masterpiece of storytelling but prepare yourself to journey to a new world. It’s a fantastic trip.

Nope. Not until we all have HD 3D TVs and that’s at least a few years off. I know they’ll be on the market soon but how many of us will be able to afford them out the gate? If you’re one of the lucky few then dig in and enjoy Avatar as it’s intended to be seen.

We were out in the burbs of New York during the blizzard of 2009 waiting for our Avatar line to move as the previous screening let out. A guy in our line quickly through up a thumb and began loudly urging those coming out to give us their verdict on the film. We quickly started referring to him as “Thumbs Up Guy”.

The majority of the crowd was willing to mirror his hand gesture though they couldn’t quite match his enthusiasm. I’m sure he chalked it up to the long run time but he had gotten what he was looking for – confirmation that Avatar was worth the long wait.

My buddy Ersal called him out as a Cameron-head almost immediately, guessing that the guy has poured over and cherished Cameron’s catalog for years probably going as far as to wonder if Bill Paxton was hidden in there somewhere as one of the background Na'vi. (Game over, tree!) This stereotyping is not so derogatory as you could nearly describe Ersal the same way. T-2 freaks - They can smell their own.

Anyway… during dinner afterwards we wondered how “Thumbs Up Guy” reacted to the film, if it met his expectations, if his thumb was still in fact “up”. As we dusted the snow off my car and flipped on the lights, we were greeted by a personalized license plate staring us in the face. (Yeo convinced me not to post the picture we took of the plate so as to protect Mr. Thumb’s privacy. Suffice it to say though it spelled out with letters and numbers a certain company from a certain Cameron film responsible for a certain destruction of man kind.) Phil and I looked at each other and wondered the same thing – “Thumbs up Guy”? Anyone passionate enough to harass a crowd of people with hand gestures would conceivably go as far as to immortalize his vehicle. It at least makes for a better ending to our evening.

Tune in tonight to the Triple Feature to hear the guys and us discuss Avatar and a bunch of other films more in depth.

Joe Dunn's Facebook profile

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V