Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Punisher War Zone
Starring: Ray Stevenson, Dominic West, Doug Hutchison, Colin Salmon, Wayne Knight, Dash Mihok, Julie Benz
Directed by: Lexi Alexander
Lionsgate Pictures
The Official Site of Punisher War Zone
Discuss Punisher War Zone on the boards!
Marvel has embraced the reboot. First earlier this year with The Incredible Hulk and now with The Punisher who’s making his third trip to the big screen after 1989’s Dolph Lundgren and 2004’s Thomas Jane had trouble bringing the character to life. It’s become the unofficial year of do-overs in the house that Spidy built.
And why shouldn’t it be? These are great characters with enormous built in fan bases. There’s no reason to just dismiss a possible film franchise just because they fouled things up the first time around. Can you imagine how different the world would be if people just gave up after a failed first attempt? No airplanes. No Internet. No Holocaust. Well… 2 out of 3… right?
We join this latest version of the Punisher (Ray Stevenson) four years into his vigilantly career. A point where he should dead inside from his never-ending string of murder and mayhem against the scum of New York City. Sadly, as with the previous incarnations, this version of the Punisher spends just as enough time dwelling on the past to distract you from seeing the cold-hearted killing machine he should be.
It’s a tough situation. In making a movie you have to assume that the audience knows nothing about the character and that it’s required for you to put it all out there, to really over explain who these people are and why it is they do the things they do. This is why four out of six Batman movies focus on dead parents instead of dead bank robbers. War Zone dwells too much on Frank’s lost family for my liking. I’ve got nothing wrong with them experimenting with the soft and cuddly side of a serial killing vigilante, but where do you draw the line?
I think the ideal Punisher film would focus on a heartless bastard that some pure soul tries to fix. Have him reject the help and embrace the pain. Show the conflict there instead of making him so transparent that all his hard edges get softened. In War Zone the Punisher begins the film practically begging for an out. My jaw dropped when they snuck in the old "This is my last mission" cliché before having him mope his way through the adventure.
In the film the Punisher sets his sites on protecting the family of an undercover FBI agent he mistakenly killed in one of the films brutal opening action sequences. They’re being hunted by Jigsaw, an excessively scared villain who might look sort of grotesquely cool if he didn’t dress like King Douche. A guy’s got to dress pretty terrible if the horsehide graphed onto his scalp is the second thing worth mentioning about his appearance.
As far as villain go Jigsaw isn’t bad, but Dominic West’s (The Wire) performance is the kind of broad characterization that you’d expect from a comic book villain, in a movie that seems to reject that kind of Dick Tracy camp. It’s as out of place as his leathery upper lip and extravagant fur coat. I much preferred Jigsaw’s brother, Loony Bin Jim who definitely takes things a little too far (even for a guy nicked named after a mental health institution) but at least dresses appropriately. Who’d of thought I’d put so much emphasis on attire?
The real star of the movie is the action, something that War Zone embraces and unleashes like no other Punisher film and few other action films really have even attempted in the past few years. Seeing a parkour runner turned to dust at the end of a bazooka was just one of a dozen incredibly graphic, shocking and hilarious deaths that this film is filled with. The action is crisp, clean and bloody as all balls, making me wish the other action standouts of the season (Bond, Brit) would take a note or two from the funny books.
As strong and steady as the action is, in a story so empty it's almost meaningless. I'd watched the extended cut of 2004’s The Punisher the day before seeing War Zone and its plot of revenge is brilliant by comparison. The Punisher is actually a clever guy that gets the baddies to turn on themselves and suffer in ways so much more significant than a chair to the face. Here he doesn't waste time - he just pulls the trigger.
None of the Punisher films are perfect. I’d go as far as to say that none of them come close but each does some things perfectly. War Zone is fun but it feels like what it is - sloppy thirds and another “nice attempt”.
Rating: 5 out of 10 - As much as I enjoyed Tom Jane in the part, Ray Stevenson is fantastic as The Punisher. He really fits every characteristic you’d expect from the character and I’d love to see them do the unthinkable… make a sequel, just so we can see him evolve a little.
The only reason I’m considering getting War Zone on DVD is because it’s a Punisher film. If it had been the same movie without the skull T-shirt I would probably talk myself out of it. For instance, the Kevin Bacon movie Death Sentence from fall 2007 is pretty well put together. Great violence, believable characters and a compelling story. Much more so than War Zone. I SHOULD buy Death Sentence before I even consider picking up War Zone but I’m sure I wont. Hey maybe I’ll buy both. Everyone wins!
All week long I knew the Punisher comic was coming up but had no idea where I was going to take it. Natural instinct tells me to do some lavish, extravagant image of the Punisher soaked in blood in a rain of shotgun shells (you know – something to show off the art degree) and then just find some funny text to put with it. But sometimes it’s the simpler things that end up standing out the most. I decided to embrace that here. Part of me would still love to draw the Punisher in all his glory but… this will have to do.
In case you didn’t know, the silver fox in panel two is intended to be Avi Arad, the head of Marvel’s movie division. It’s not important that you know that for the joke to work but I thought a little authenticity was in order. Why not, you know? The gentlemen with him (both of which fist turned up in JLCM this past summer in the Marvel Cameo comic) is no one in particular. I wanted Avi to have this sort of Joe Robbie Robertson to his J. Jonah Jameson. Someone to balance him out. Hopefully Marvel’s success at the box office continues so I can bring this duo around more often.
So I’ve developed this weird love/hate relationship with isitfunnytoday.com, the site I linked to and was pretty excited about last week. Having new folks exposed to the strip for the first time is great but via a sight that encourages them to say they either love it or hate it is somewhat less great. In one respect it keeps the pressure on me to make sure that the strips stay funny but at the same time, when something is deemed “not funny”, it crushes my self-esteem. I need to learn to focus on the work and not get wrapped up in these little things. Still, I’d encourage you to check out the site. It’s definitely a nice way to stumble upon new stuff.
Other than that I hope you’re all having a good weekend. Have you gotten in through all the Thanksgiving leftovers yet?
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V