Starring: Jason Statham, Natalya Rudakova, François Berléand, Robert Knepper

Directed by: Olivier Megaton

Disney Pictures

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In its third trip to the big screen the Transporter heads back to Paris where the first film was made. It also heads back to the slow crawl of a pace that I most associate with that first film. This time out, wistful conversations about the perfect meal and the new annoying redheaded damsel in distress combine to remind me that the Transporter is more interesting than the adventures he goes on.

I’ve fought a lot of fights in my day trying to defend Transporter 2 as the superior film in the franchise. While Transpoter 3 features a pretty solid story and by far the trilogies most satisfying villain, no one is going to be arguing they’ve topped themselves here.

Jason Statham is back as Frank Martin, the mysterious deliveryman with a list of rules and a progressively increasing tendency to break them. Frank is unwillingly forced into his latest job delivering a young woman and trunk full of mystery items to places unknown. He’s updated with destinations on the road and encouraged to stay close to the car or the bomb around his wrist will be detonated. The proximity bomb felt a little gimmicky at first but having to stay within a certain distance of the car proves to offer the character some interesting new challenges. When someone drives off in it without him, when he’s a step too far from punching out a bad guy or when the car is tossed into a lake, Frank has to get pretty creative to stay alive and I appreciated that.

The action sequences for the most part are smart and fun but definitely frantic. With a name like Oliver Megaton you’d expect something pretty big from the film’s director. It’s a name that DEMANDS action. It’s the kind of name people think is a Decepticon. He might as well be named Martin Explosionkickballs. Sadly he’s a follower of the closely cropped, quickly cut action philosophy that takes so much away from the tightly choreographed hand-to-hand battles as well as the extravagant car stunts. A two wheel tilted pursuit between two full speed tractor-trailers has never been so plain.

Transporter 3 tries to introduce to the audience a woman that Frank can really fall in love with. He’s always had love interests, but newcomer Natalya Rudakova is meant to be the woman that breaks him. Frank has finally met his match and he’s falling hard for this one.

There’s nothing wrong with showing the character grow, you can certainly see a very natural progression throughout the three films of Frank’s willingness to let go of the rules and take advantage of life while he still can – a major theme here in part 3. It’s just a shame that it took such a remarkable skank to show him his ways. When you see the girl of your dreams – you just know it. I know that when I saw the pill-popping party girl copping a squat to have a piss in a gas station convenience store I was beyond charmed.

Thank goodness for the films baddie, Robert Knepper. Not only does he choose to relive himself in the appropriate areas, but he also brings a higher class of villainy that this franchise was sorely in need of. As he does on TV’s Prison Break Knepper combines evil and creepiness like few men can do. He creates an atmosphere where you think he might kill you, but you know he would get some kid of sick, sexual satisfaction out of it.

As disappointing as I found some of the major necessities of Transporter 3 it’s always great to see Statham suit up (and down, right ladies!?) He’s fantastic as the guarded badass and elevates the material with every second he’s on screen. Still, as he kicking through the motions you can’t help but think that he’s better than this. He deserves a successful franchise… It’s just a shame it couldn’t be a good one.

Rating: 4 out of 10 - Transporter 3 was frustrating for me. I felt like I was always forgiving it its problems and waiting for it to redeem itself for the entire film. I want these films to be better than they are and part of me knows that every time out I’m just setting myself up for disappointment.

Not happening. The side of me that loves to lay around all day and watch people kick other people into and out of exploding buildings would love to, at least, give The Transporter 3 another shot, but I’d just be putting myself through the same dissatisfaction. It’s best to just move on.

I’m always hesitant to do a joke like this. Not because I don’t think it’s funny but because I think it’ll be misinterpreted. The truth is – The Transporter has actually become a positive icon in the gay community and I believe that supporting that is a good thing. There’s just plenty of room for it to be taken the wrong way so I hope it’s clear.

The bit about the oiled up, bare-chested battle and the underwater kiss is something that my friends and I have been joking about since seeing the original Transporter years ago. I can remember where I was standing when I first said “the only way that could be gayer…�

The Die Hard bit was totally a last minute add on though. I didn’t want to just rehash an ancient inside joke. It wouldn’t be worth doing unless I could bring something new to it and now I find myself asking how Robocop would get oxygen out of the guy, or how Batman would. Probably the mouth, that makes the most sense, but it’s hardly funny.

Watchmen - The trailer for Watchmen hit the internet and theaters a few weeks ago but with Transporter 3 was the first time I had a chance to see it up on the big screen. I’d enjoyed being an inch from my computer screen trying to soak in all of the littlest pieces of this (a little too revealing) preview, but the few times I watched it couldn’t have prepared me for how gorgeous it would look 3 stories high.

I’m a big fan of the comic that the film is based on, (and yes – I’m totally cool with the altered ending.) and it’s incredible to see how faithful they’ve been in adapting it. I could spend all day lifting little images and comparing them to the comic, but I’d rather just wait for the film to come out. Be hit with it all at once and really be blown away. Do you think I’m setting myself up for disappointment?

I’m addicted to Reelz Channel. Is this new? I only started seeing advertisement and watching regularly a few weeks ago but I’d be ashamed to admit that if it had been on for years and I’d been slumming it with Just Shoot Me reruns while I could’ve been watching The Critic every afternoon.

Anyway, I’ve been loving it. Their standard coverage in show’s like Dallies and The Big Tease is kind of over-polished and safe. Like Entertainment Weekly come to life, but it’s remarkably thorough and daily, which is enough to keep me stopping back throughout the day. I’ve really been sucked in by their documentary show called The Directors where, through clips and interviews, they take you through the career of Hollywood’s best and brightest. It’s the kind of show that will make you say, “You know what – I LOVE Nora Ephron!�

Between my newfound love of Reelz and G4 I’ve been neglecting the podcasts I listen to while I work. It’s time to get back into the habit. It’ll keep me at my computer and working more often.

Thanks so much for reading! Come back Monday evening for more and stop by the show Monday night where the guys and I will be discussing Transporter 3 in detail.