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Blades of Glory

Starring: Will Ferrell, Jon Heder, Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, Jenna Fischer, William Fichtner, Craig T. Nelson, Romany Malco, Nick Swardson

Directed by: Josh Gordon, Will Speck

Dreamworks - Official Site of the Movie

All right, who asked for a figure skating comedy? In what world does someone say, “You know what’s funny? Spandex and cod pieces!� and then actually follow through on it? Figure skating is the sort of subject that sounds hysterical when your high but by the time you get to page 5 on the first draft the next morning and realize that at least a portion of the movie is going to involve “gliding�, you shelf it and tackle a more approachable sport that doesn’t involve one person grabbing someone else’s balls. Something like bowling or golf.

But God bless the folks behind Blades of Glory who ignored those instincts, got high again, and kept on writing. Who knew that the answer to the problem was to make it about two men competing in couples competition? Double gliding plus double ball grabbing equals double funny. I apparently missed that day of math. By making it more awkward the humor leaps of the screen and into our hearts. Of course it doesn’t hurt that Will Ferrell is there to make violence on the ice and vomiting in a bear suit that much funnier.

In Blades, Ferrell and Jon Hedar play the two rivals superstars that decide to team up after a fight on the ice leaves them both banned from singles competition. A set-up like that invites an endless string of gay jokes and awkwardness on the ice, and in less capable hands I would have been worried, but between Hedar’s blissful ignorance and Ferrell’s overconfident bravado, they made those crotch grabs and dance practices some of the strongest laughs in the movie.

I know going in I was worried that the humor would be tired and old hat, but I was really impressed with the angle they came at things. It’s not all gags about figure skating manoeuvres and vibrant costumes. That’s part of it to be sure, but the movies sense of humor doesn’t hinge on you thinking that people look ridiculous in spandex. It expands past the sport itself and focuses on the characters, coaches, and even obsessive fans (represented here by Nick Swardson, one of the funniest men alive.) behind the sport. There aren’t even that many actual skating scenes. In their place, directors Josh Gordon and Will Speck offered up hilarious still photographs of the competitors routine and let the audience fill in the blanks. But after seeing the stills of the JFK/Marilyn Monroe inspired set performed by Amy Poehler (SNL, Mean Girls) and Will Arnett (Arrested Development), I’m dying to see some unedited footage on the DVD

What skating we do see is all handled very tongue-in-cheek which will be a relief to many people. A fair amount of the film’s humor is centerd around the world of figure skating and its competition but there’s a touch of booze, sex and crossbow action thrown in to keep non-fans invested. And it works. I’m by no means a figure skating fan and I loved the film, whereas I’ve talked to figure skating fans that were a little disappointed at the lack of skating the film showed. Go figure….

…skating.

Sorry.

Most of the “sex� I mentioned comes courtesy of Jenna Fischer, to my surprise. Don’t get me wrong; I think she’s drop-dead sexy, but in a very “girl next door� kind of way. Blades of Glory has her wearing corsets, getting fondled and making advances at anyone with a ridiculous hair cut (Except Craig T. Nelson who has a ridiculous receding main of hair for no apparent reason). What’s amazing is that because of the nature of her character she’s able to hold on to the good girl persona while still behaving like a tramp. She perfectly captures the innocent slut and will be turning on nerds across America for completely new reasons.

In Blades, Fischer plays Hedar’s love interested. Possibly just to assure audiences that their feminine ball handling leading man isn’t automatically mistaken as gay. It works. The two have a beautiful puppy dog romance that translates very sweetly.

I liked Hedar in this movie. As the kind but confident professional, his character’s love of the sport and undying spirit really ring true. And as an actor I think it’s the first time that he’s turned in a performance that didn’t at all remind me of Napoleon Dynamite, even though he does the voice and is as goofily awkward as ever. Maybe it was the flash of golden hair and ridiculous outfits that distracted me from the similarities, but more likely it was that he was completely outshined but every other major character in the film.

It’s not fair really to expect him to stand out when put next to Ferrell who delivers yet another destine to be classic character with an unmistakable presence and arsenal of quotable lines. Granted his edgy ice skater’s mannerisms are very reminiscent of the Neil Diamond character he did on SNL, but if he’s going to be delivering this level of comedy there’s no reason not to look beyond this small comparison. Besides, we’ve all wondered what it would be like if Diamond was a hard drinking, hard fighting skating phenomenon. Now we know.

Even if Ferrell was having an off day, Poehler and Arnett are in the wings to exploit the best comedic possibilities of bad skate song choice and the life of a bitter professional that was deprived of a childhood. And when all their forces combine - expect greatness. A particular chase scene between Arnett and Ferrell could possibly go down as one of the best chase sequences of all time. Certainly one of the funniest. Though the car chase in Blues Brothers and the final rundown in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off spring to mind. That’s just off the top of my head though, I’m sure there are plenty of hysterical chases out there. But how many take place on skates?

That’s a great way to view this movie. It’s just like one of your most cherished comedies, if the characters were wearing skates. And really how different is that? They’re a few inches taller… they walk a lot faster on smooth surfaces and equally slower on… well, any other surface. I’m not seeing a problem.

Blades of Glory manages to do for Figure Skating what Happy Gilmore did for golf, and Kingpin did for bowling. I imagine though that skating fans can rest easily in assuming that a bunch of high college kids wont be invading ice rinks across America like they bowling alleys and driving ranges back in the 90’s. It’s a lot more difficult to do a triple toe loop then it is change your shoes and roll a ball. No offence to bowlers. My bowling average is ridiculous, but I can still get the ball down the lane. I cannot however ice skate for more than 11 seconds. It’s too soon to tell if Blades will become a classic in my home the way those other two sports movies have, but a couple of spins on the DVD player and I’m sure in no time I’ll be itching to lace up and fall down.

Rating: 9 out of 10 - Blades of Glory is a surprisingly crisp and concrete comedy that manages to take a flimsy and predictable concept and do something remarkable with it – make it funny. Rock solid performances and humor will keep you laughing for the films entire hour and a half. There’s no drag and very few missed laughs once these comedic pros get comfortable and take aim. With it’s original characters and strong laughs Blades of Glory easily singles itself out as the strongest comedy of the year and one of the best all around movies that 2007 has had to offer so far.

I loved this movie in the theater but I know in my heart that my journey with it will not be complete until I own it on DVD and it really becomes part of my life. Once I have it in my possession it’ll only be a matter of time before I’m laughing out loud at moments not even intended to be funny and quoting character dialogue to the point where my wife threatens to leave me. On DVD Blades of Glory will flourish and thrive into greatness as a movie worth watching over and over again!

I’m being a little dramatic but seriously, this movie will kick all kinds of ass on DVD and most assuredly be filled with a ton of deleted scenes, alternate takes and a commentary from a group of people that know how to do commentaries right. Anchorman and Talladega Knights both featured bizarre comedies far beyond the wackiness of the movie that both add to the experience of the film while become their own feast of quotable lines. Rarely is a commentary as much fun to watch as the actual film but when a group of people get together and get drunk of their ass there’s no telling what hilarious nonsense will come out. That’s why I keep participating in Triple Feature (Speaking of which, listen to Episode 15 for our conversation about Blades of Glory.)

“Camel Hump� and “Moose Knuckle� are actual terms used to represent a covered male bulge, though “covered male bulge� is probably the most disturbing turn of phrase in the bunch. The origin of the term “Bullfrog� is kind of an interesting one, to me and my friends, because it’s the phrase we coined when we first encountered this clothing nightmare at a comic con a few years ago.

We had no idea what a “Camel Hump� or a “Moose Knuckle� were, though I’m sure tey were in popular use by this time. Perhaps the Digital Pimps have lived sheltered lives away from sex slang, but none of us had come across those terms in our day to day lives. Imagine our confusion when a plump, spandexed Spiderman turned the corner and Wizard World Philly and his junk was just straining to be freed from fabric with no secrets. We instantly started referring to it as a “Male Camel Toe� and wondered what the male equivalent of the “Camel Toe� actually was. It was Irv that came up with “Bullfrog� and we still laugh about it to this day.

I think of the three I prefer “Moose Knuckle� because it’s the most abrasive. It’s like a verbal punch, and I think it best describes the reaction most people have when they first come face to face with God’s greatest joke.

But these are just the names I could find. Do you and your friends have another phrase you use for the camel hump, or can you make up your own right now that will put the rest to shame? Send me ane-mail or post of the boartds I’d love to hear some hilarious and disturbing phrases.

Kickin’ it old School - Jamie Kennedy is back with another crazy character and another attempt to make white people pretending to be black funny. In Kickin’ it old School Kennedy plays a talented break-dancer in the mid 80’s that suffers a head injury at a young age putting him into a coma. When he finally wakes up from his comma 20 years later, he’s the same 12-year-old kid but in a 32-year-olds body. He’s a man out of time and thankfully one of those times is the 80’s so even if the movie is a complete train wreck, at least there will be some nostalgia to cling on to.

If this movie has anything fighting against it, it’s the memory of the tragically awful film, Malibu’s Most Wanted, a movie born from one of the characters on Kennedy’s prank sketch show The Jamie Kennedy Experiment. A show that worked great in 6-minute clips but ran out of steam after 7 minutes on the big screen. That movie is painful to sit through and with Old School I can only say he doesn’t get caught in the same trappings and stereotypes that kept Malibu down.

Kickin’ it old School already has a better premise that will hopefully lead to some fresh and genuinely funny comedy. I believe that Kennedy has it in him, and I really hope this is the movie that brings it out.

Well folks, there you have it. A positive review for a movie about ice-skating. I’m as surprised as you are. Have you guys been reading The Outer Circle? Steve is having some fun with the movie web comic genre and I’m lovng every second of it. Catch up at the beginning of the arc here, and enjoy. As much as I’m loving I feel an unexplainable instinct to defend my territory. Should I retaliate?

Hey so what’s the deal with Stumbleupon? We’re getting a slew of hits form over there and I can’t even figure it out. I’m afraid to sign up so I can investigate further but I’m curious who’s embracing the strip and how they’re finding it. I fear technology so I’m sure I’ll avoid it for another few months.

More soon but don’t forget to catch up on Matriculated and Turtle Vs. Bunny while waiting for the next JLCM strip to pop up. BYE!