Released: 05/12/06

Viewed: 10:00pm 05/11/06

Starring: Josh Lucas, Kurt Russell, Jacinda Barrett, Emmy Rossum, Ricahrd Dreyfuss, Mia Maestro, Stacy Ferguson

Directed by: Wolfgang Peterson

Warner Brothers Official Site of the movie

About the comic I don’t really have anything against the Black Eyed Peas I mean… that Humps song is pretty ridiculous but, whatever. I do like the idea that God is out to get them though. It really makes me hope the rest of them show up in a movie sometime soon. On to the review:

Every year needs a good disaster movie. And since we know Hollywood is out of ideas the first big disaster of the year might as well be a remake. And if it has to be a remake it might as well be of one of the better disaster movies in cinematic history. And even though Poseidon doesn’t quite live up to the quality of it’s 1972 big brother, it still brings together nearly all of the required pieces of a huge epic disaster. Huge epic disaster story, that is.

Thos pieces include dazzling special effects, over the top soap opera style line readings, an endless supply of one-liners, and no pause in the action long enough for you to realize that there’s no real story going on. That’s the thing about a disaster movie. The disaster IS the story. When a wave hits or a volcano erupts or a meteor shower demolishes your Pinto, you stop what you’re doing and focus on the disaster. Still, some characters to care about are always nice. Not always necessary, but still nice.

Poseidon starts off at a blistering pace where we’re introduced to the ship, and all the characters with their complicated relationships all within the first 15 minutes. It moves quickly and covers a lot of ground because once the ship turns, all hell breaks loose, and there’s no time to get to know the nice folks at the next table.

The strong pacing continues as they maneuver through the levels picking up new folks and losing less desirable ones in spectacular fashion. Seriously, they don’t pull any punches with the first few deaths. Dropping elevators, deadly spikes that never would have formed like that, engines crashing through ceilings… it’s a little extreme but so much fun to watch.

The only problem is all the characters you could care less about drop off quickly and from there on out the deaths have to be these drawn out emotional moments where we have a chance to say good buy. Another chance for someone to perform CPR and scream “Breathe damn you!� It’s all well and good but I would have cheered a little harder had that one character died from a surprise shark attack instead of a bump on the head.

The one great shock of the movie to me was all the dead people. Logically it makes sense that in a ship capsizing there are going to be a few casualties, but it’s like a smack in the face the first time you see a group of people floating outside the ship. Then the dust settles and there are bodies EVERYWHERE. They focus in on a couple of dead passengers in the ballroom. They’re then pushed aside by a shocked is disoriented Kurt Russel bleeding from the mouth looking like a brain hungry undead monster of the night. Water zombie? I wish. That would have been sweet.

The dead folks add a lot to the atmosphere though. All the little obstacles are one thing but when a corpse floats buy it definitely amplifies the tension. There are a ton of obstacles. For a boat under water there sure were a lot of areas on fire.

I like the cast. Russell is a real man’s man and has made a few movies that will forever be some of my favorite films of all time. Big Trouble in Little China anyone? There are even some obstacles in the movie that brought me back to another Russell classic. A zip line where a belt is used to slide down. A spinning fan that must be blocked with a foreign object. Hell yeah it’s Tango and Cash – Under Water! Aw, such a great movie.

Josh Lucas takes another shot at action stardom (he wasn’t bad in Stealth but that movie was all over the road. Sky. Whatever.), and makes a decent nautical Han Solo. Sadly he gets the majority of those one-liners that he suffers through with as much charm as could be expected. Among the entire cast each has more non-offensive dialogue then not. Each also has at least one tacky line, and when the bad stuff comes out, it comes out hard. No real surprise though.

The real star of the film though is the special effects. A couple of them are questionable but for the most part there’s a lot of great looking quality stuff going on. Not just in the CGI department but also the extensive underwater scenes. It’s beautifully shot and really effective.

There are plenty of negatives that you could tare in to, but I’m going to brush it off and just say it comes with the territory of a disaster picture. Stunning explosions in place of a spotty story – fare trade. I didn’t expect perfection. I am kind of pissed that they ripped off that scene from Armageddon. Anyone notice that? I mean, you could see it coming a mile a way, but it was super lame.

Rating: 6 out of 10

It’s a nice movie and I’d imagine it would be worth seeing in IMAX since the effects would be blazing on the big screen, but I can’t recommend running out to catch this one. It’s better than some of the more recent films of its kind but what does that really mean? I thinkDay After Tomorrow for example, went too big and tried for too much. Poseidon is a simple disaster that plays out much more believably. It may sound like small potatoes, but sometimes that can make the difference. I’m not in love with the movie though. It’s explosions with no heart.

THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH CONTAINS SPOILERS

Would it have been so hard for them to end the movie with Richard Dreyfuss’ character going to visit Mia Maestro’s sick brother? That would have done so much for the resolution of both their characters. Oh well.

END SPOILERS

DVD Worthy?:

Not for me. It’s been a long time since I’ve been impressed enough by a disaster movie to actually want to own it. I’ll still keep my hopes up though. If done correctly they can be a lot of fun to watch over and over again. Not this one though. Not for me.

If you liked this movie check out: Armageddon

Poseidon reminded many times over of Armageddon which I think is one of the true great disaster movies of this past generation. It’s a solid combination of story and special effects that was a huge crowd pleaser in its day. I think it can still hold it’s own against these newer attempts too. It’s a fine example of how crazy a disaster movie can and should get.

Trailer Hitch: Gridiron Gang

Good gravy I hate the title Grid Iron Gang. It sounds like Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids decided to start a football team. The trailer looks surprisingly good though. The Rock and Xzibit star as (crap, have I lost you already?) two coaches who decide to try and teach discipline and teamwork using football in a juvenile detention center.

It could turn out to be a lame “believe in yourself� tearjerker, but the trailer hints otherwise. Less fluff and more content than I would have expected. I’ll keep my fingers crossed. I like the Rock so I want the hits to keep coming.

Vote incentive:

Vote and see the secret reason the creator of the universe hates the Black Eyed Peas. It’s the reason I hate them too. I need to find a better radio station in the car. Thanks for all the votes, JLCM has bumped into the top 10 at Buzzcomix, and I’ll be making an equal push soon at Top Web Comics. I just need to have the password reset so I can access the account. Hehehe.

Non Movie Related Stuff.

I completely forgot to tell you guys earlier this week about a guest strip I had go up over at Hate Song. Mine is Tuesdays of this week. Click on back and read along the way. Fred’s right at the beginning of a huge month of guest strips. There’s some nice talent lined up too. If you don’t know Hate Song then something’s wrong. Go on over.

A little fun fact about today’s JLCM strip: It’s the first JLCM comic to begin with a P. It may seem weird that it’s the first P, or that I would notice, but I have an excuse for that. First, I keep them stored in alphabetical order so it stood out a little. Second, Phil and I play a little DVD game where we’re both trying to be the first to get one DVD for every letter of the alphabet. We both refuse to buy Quigly Down Under or the Quick and the Dead (even though that movie rocks and was only 5.99 this week.) So the Alphabet thing sort of stands out to me.

All I’m missing now is a Q and a Y. Y shouldn’t be too much of a problem butsomething tells me I’ll be waiting on Q for ages.

Thanks for reading guys!