Half Minute Hero

I have a confession to make. I decided to play and review Half Minute Hero because I was hoping that the play time would live up to the promise of the title. (Playing games to review takes a lot of time!) It doesn't. But what I found instead was a quirky game that takes more than thirty seconds to describe...

Half Minute Hero isn't just one game, it's four different, distinct types of games (Hero, Evil Lord, Princess and Knight), all, in some way, limited to thirty seconds. When playing as the Hero, you've have to defeat random evil lords who have cast a spell that will destroy the world in thirty seconds. Luckily, you've got the Time Goddess on your side who will reset the clock back to thirty seconds... for a small fee. The game has a decidedly retro feel, with the maps reminiscent of RPGs from the old Nintendo and Super Nintendo days. The battles are random but are done automatically... basically your character and the enemy keep running into each other until one of you dies. You can buy equipment and level up along the way, but this game mode feels more like a puzzle game than it does a traditional RPG.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the other three modes aren't as quirky as the Hero mode is. If real time strategy games are your cup of tea, you can play as the Evil Lord. It's not as in depth as a dedicated RTS would be... after all you only have thirty seconds to complete your objectives. If you want to play a shooter that feels like an on-rails version of Smash TV, you can play as the Princess who needs to venture out of her castle and defeat some enemy or retrieve some object before her thirty second curfew is up. (30 second curfew? I didn't think it'd be possible for someone's parents to be stricter than mine...) Again, in both modes, the Time Goddess is there to turn back time to help you complete your objective... and again, for a small fee.

The fourth mode, the Knight, plays slightly differently than the other three. The Time Goddess is no longer around to help you... instead you have to protect your Sage for thirty seconds so that she can cast her spell to dispell all the enemies on the map. You've got no weapon to speak of but you can throw objects at enemies to stun them, ram into them to knock them back or drag the Sage to a safer spot.

The thirty second time limit in each of the modes is perfect for on-the-go gameplay. Even with the time-bending gameplay, each level doesn't take more than a few minutes to complete. But because of the bite-sized levels, the game becomes quite addictive. I found myself on more than one occasion wanting to complete just one more level before turning off the game. And if I ever found myself bored of one of the game types, I could just play through one of the other three campaigns.

All together, it's a quirky, unique game that we don't often get to see. Upon closer examination, it takes many of the conventions of the genre, turns them on their head and adds a dash of humor... it's almost a parody, but not quite. It's apparent that the developers loved their retro games and Half Minute Hero is a testament to that.

Rating

Recommendations

Half Minute Hero Challenge!

But what challenge is complete without rules? So here are the rules we agreed on:

1. You can have all of the elements of your sandwich laid out and open. So, you can have your roll, cold cuts, condiments, etc all out of the fridge and open. If you've got a jar of pickles, you can open it up before the timer starts.
2. No prep work. No making sauces, cooking things, etc. That means if you bought uncut rolls, you can't cut it ahead of time. You can, however, preheat ovens, skillets, if you want to. But, if you want bacon, you can't cook it ahead of time. Which brings us to...
3. You can buy preprepared foods. If you want bacon, you can buy precooked bacon. If you want chicken, you can buy precooked chicken. Buying precut rolls is probably a good idea.

Attempt #1 I decided to be a little ambitious with my first attempt. I figured 30 seconds would be plenty of time to make a hoagie. Here, we have a choice of either peppered turkey or roast beef (I figured that which I used would be a game time decision), pepperjack cheese, bread and butter pickles, a tomato, mayonnaise, cayenne pepper and assorted greens. And of course the rolls. I like to make this spicy mayo by mixing some mayo with a little cayenne pepper and I figure if I'm going to challenge myself, I might as well go the full nine yards.

Result? FAILURE. I spent most of my time cutting the roll and mixing the spicy mayo. By the time I was done spreading the spicy mayo I only had a few seconds left. Just enough time to throw on a few slices of peppered turkey and grab a handful of mixed greens and throw in the direction of the sandwich. It wasn't a bad sandwich... it was just a hastily thrown together one. But I thought I could do better by simplifying. No more fancy spicy mayo. Just get the basics of the sandwich together and make a simple, delicious, yet quick hoagie.

Attempt #2 My second attempt went slightly better than my first attempt, but still not exactly what I wanted... Who would have thought that mayonnaise would be the bane of my Half Minute Hero challenge? I started out by roughly cutting open my roll, so far so good. Then came the mayo. I have one of those squeeze bottles, which in theory, should be faster than the spread. That is, if it comes out of the bottle when you squeeze it. Which it did not. At least not the first time. As my precious seconds ticked away, I finally got the mayo on the roll and started slapping on the rest of my sandwich parts. Pepperjack cheese and roast beef this time around... and at the last second I grabbed a bunch of greens and tossed it in the direction of the bun.

And here's Joe's attempt at the Half Hero Challenge:

"My familiarity with Half Minute Hero was and is at zero. I guess it’s somewhat on my radar but only so much in that Phil had to explain to me the title of the game in order to translate today’s joke. As soon as he told me the joke I knew that it would lead to us making some sandwiches because… I may not have time to sit down and tear through Uncharted 2 on multiplayer with my bros hundreds of miles away… but I’ve got 30 seconds to slam together a sandwich.

In my trip to the grocery store I was shocked at how little I needed. Turns out I’m already making an above average amount of sandwiches at home so I was well stocked with the standards. A head of lettuce and a pound of bologna were the only missing ingredients.

I got home and cleared some work space then carefully laid out my weapons of choice. Wheat French bread, Bologna, a full head of lettuce, American cheese, Dijon mustard, Mayo and Ketchup. Nothing too fancy but I saw this more as a realistic approach. By this point I’d already heard the horror stories of Phil’s near misses at more ambitious sandwiches so I figured a modest approach was best.

The timer was set and I tore into the bread. Literally. Rather than bothering with knives that would harm me or slow me down I jammed my thumb into the grain and pried it apart. Before I knew it I was spooning out some mayo with a quick squeeze of the other condiments right behind. I used the spoon to mix them quickly as my wife called out the 15-second mark. The mix would turn out to be invaluable towards making the ugly mess actually taste halfway descent.

At this point I actually found that I had time to fold the meat instead of just stacking it, but not quite enough time. Half of the “masterpiece� is laid out with love while the other is a combination of cheese, meat, and lettuce beaten into submission. With the final countdown I was forcing the beast closed and smiling because I’d succeeded. I’d made an edible and tasty hero in half a minute.

Naturally with my first bite gobs of condiments oozed onto my palm from a hole in the underside of the strained bread. Lesson learned for the release of Half Minute Hero 2."

So there you have it... our attempts at the Half Minute Hero Challenge. If you guys want to attempt your own Half Minute Hero challenge, show us your results!