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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Zathura

Released: 11/11/05

Viewed: 5:00pm 10/29/05

Starring: Josh Hutcherson, Jonah Bobo, Kristen Stewart, Dax Shepard, Tim Robbins

Directed by: Jon Favreau

Didn't really expect to see this one. Don't get me wrong, I love a good sci-fi action adventure movie, with a weird name, and a plot very similar to Jumanji (which is one of those movies that had a better idea than execution). But mostly, I didn't expect to see it because it just looks like another kids movie. Nothing against kids movies but I'm a little "Chicken Litteled" out.

I have Donald Trump to thank for changing my mind, and I am grateful because Zathura turned out to be a smart family film with a lot of fresh thoughts and beautiful effects. So thank you Mr. Trump for pointing out who the director is.

A few weeks ago on NBC's The Apprentice, the movie Zathura was featured. The contestants had to build a float about the movie to be in some parade. I know, who cares. But the director was involved in the process, and I was shocked to learn it's my man Gutter ? Jon Favreau.

I love John Favreau. The obviously awesome Swingers aside, the guy just gets involved with cool movies. And he seems like a cool guy. The kind of guy I would like to hang out with. If JLCM gets made into a movie I would be more excited about being on Dinner for Five then the movie itself. So I was excited, even more so when I pieced together that Zathura was a family movie and Fareau's last family movie was Elf starring Will Ferrell. Suddenly I was bombarded with enough confidence to reserve my ticket.

I was going, but I feel like my concerns were still justified. Was it just going to be another lame kids movie? Kids will certainly enjoy it, but I think it has enough elements that adults will really be entertained by as well.

The weird name? I got it after watching the trailer twice. Is anyone still struggling with it? It's actually kind of nice. With the imagery in the advertising it definitely gives of a great vibe of the classic 50's space adventure.

Jumanji? Well yeah it's going to be hard not to compare it to Jumanji, I was thinking about it throughout the entire 2nd half. First off, Zathura's effects kick Jumanji square in the intergalactic balls. It's amazing what 10 years of CGI advancement can do. But not only that, there's some brilliant work being done here with modern day puppetry. A huge robot, and this alien race I would say are 90% puppetry and camera tricks, and it all is very cool and very believable. For me those effects play a huge role in the movie.

I started to pick up that Zathura was a much more self-contained story. Just a house floating through space as they played the game, where as Jumanji was a larger scale adventure affecting not just a family but an entire town. Also the story of Jumanji is grounded in reality. (Uh some Jumanji spoilers ahead. Who the hell hasn't seen Jumanji?) By establishing the game in one time period, having a character getting trapped inside the game and then bringing that character out 30 years later as a 30 year older man, you give the game dimension. A history. You show that it is affected by time and it's surroundings. Zathura is not. Or maybe it is.

Whatever, I won't tease you or spoil the twist in Zathura, they do use a little trick that is interesting, but doesn't help at all to give the game the same depth that the game in Jumanji had. Seems like it would be simple to show kids playing with the game in the 1980's, have them play and get sucked into the game, then flash forward to modern day where our heroes get sucked in and then encounter those kids. Maybe even as adults, still trapped in the game.

It's a simple idea that might have been cool, but (and let me stress this) there is a reason they do NOT do this scenario, because of how it would hurt the original plot. But I think it would have been pretty interesting.

Having kids as your lead has its benefits and pitfalls. Kids love to watch kids being the hero. Think about Jake Lloyd in Star Wars: Episode I and all the kids that freaked out and wanted to be just like him. If only they recognized bad acting? But working with kids is a huge risk, if they suck you're screwed with anyone over 12. Cuteness can only go so far.

Thankfully the two brothers here do a great job. Jonah Bobo (best name ever) is the younger of the two and is definitely playing his cute card with his shaggy mop top, freckles, and Ugly Dolls T-shirt. Even though they go a little heavy with the cute, he's good. I believed he was freaked out.

Josh Hutcherson has some street cred. He's been popping up in movies like Kicking and Screaming and Little Manhattan over the past year, and even though he has this sort of generic quality at first glance, he's very natural on screen (not exactly an easy thing to find with kids). And he has this sort of comfort and reality that I thought was great. They were a good pair. Tim Robbins plays the father. I love him. I love that he'll take a week to come in and do a movie like this. Kristen Stewart plays the sister, and she's good here, but I couldn't get past that she's the daughter from Panic Room and that her creepy androgyny has blossomed into stone cold hotness.

Dax Shepard rounds out the cast as the Astronaut, and I gotta say it's nice to see him getting a lot of good work. He's a funny guy and it would be awesome if he could break away from the Punked stereotyping. He brings a lot of comedy to the movie and helps the boys decipher the clues. Without him the boys would just be fumbling through the game, but with his experience in the universe he's able to help them turn the tables and play on through.

This may be one to wait and rent unless you really enjoy this sort of random game play with constant problems in need of solution. It's fun. More fun then a real board game. There are lots of laughs, some good tension, and great effects, but it is short, and movies are expensive. If you're taking the kids out this weekend this is the best movie to watch. 7 out of 10 .

DVD worthy?: Maybe. This might be my guilty pleasure buy next month. If they packaged it with the game and the DVD had a ton of extras, I would grab it for sure.

If you liked this movie check out: What are you simple? Jumanji

I talked about the major reasons in the review, but Jumaji is still a pretty entertaining movie. It gets its ass handed to it by Zathura in the special effects department, but the complexity and layers of the story are pretty solid.

Trailer Hitch: The Pink Panther

Yikes, this may have gotten pushed back for a reason. Steve Martin steps into the role of Inspector Clouseau which sounds promising but for everything that looks really funny in this movie (laughed out loud 3 times) there's a scene that looks like tired old slapstick. I can appreciate it, but I've come to expect more from Martin, and the Panther brand name. Cast is pretty incredible though. Even Beyonce looks ok in this one. Here's hoping I'm wrong about the awkward moments.

The Webcomics List is back up and running and yoday you'll see Yeo helping me figure out a few details of today's comic.

A couple of things? I did this call out earlier in the week for the JLCM official fan map and was very pleased to get a bunch of people coming out to say "hey hey hey!". The comments left in the shout back area were just great. It's always so cool to hear that people are actually reading your stuff and enjoying it. And then to see pictures of them, like they're real people! That doesn't always compute over the internet, that numbers and screen names actually belong to people, but needless to say the feedback warms my heart.

So thanks so much to everybody who took the time, big shout outs to Iceland (I see you up there!) and to Ocean Guy. Is he for real or did he just stumble upon the list? I got to be honest though, I knew I wouldn't get much love in the red states, but Japan? I thought I'd be huge in Japan!

Lastly I want to give another little push to support my boys, don't forget to grab a Boxcar Calader. Thanks guys!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V