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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

The Kingdom

Starring: Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, Chris Cooper, Ashraf Barhoum

Directed by: Peter Berg

Universal Pictures

The Official Site of The Kingdom

Discuss The Kingdom on the boards!

For the past few years Hollywood has been getting sneaky. As a young man in the late 90's with an ID proving I was 18 and a curiosity for all things booby, I was naturally drawn to the gross out, sex romp comedies. But right around this time filmmakers decided that if these movies were going to stand the test of time let alone a second weekend in theaters, they were going to need to be more than bouncing this and F-bomb that. Suddenly movies like American Pie Dazed and Confused and The 40-Year-Old Virgin were teaching life lessons and pulling at the heartstrings like the chickiest chick-flick ever to exist. They were proving that there's a reason movies like Fast Times… and Pretty in Pink have lasted the ages.

Sneaky marketing bastards.

I had grown to accept this. The movies were better for it and they were still funny, still filled with boobs, but Hollywood's sneakiness seems to know no bounds now as The Kingdom masquerades itself as the action movie to end the summer properly (Take that WAR!) and actually be seen (Sorry Shoot 'Em Up). Though the film boasts one of the more intense action sequences in a while with rocket launchers, surprise stabbings and gunfire out the wazoo, I'm not sure I would even classify The Kingdom as an action movie at all. So what the hell is it?

There's some nice explosions, don't get me wrong, but if anything the movie is somewhat uneven with its action, I mean, if you're looking for a balls-out action movie, just show up an hour late for the much-hyped (but well worth the praise) last 35 minutes. Despite its unevenness, by no means is The Kingdom ever boring. The political maze that acts as an intro to the action is just as tense and compelling, but in a very different way. As an FBI squad in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, the four Americans (Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Chris Cooper and Jason Bateman) act as a war scale CSI team investigating a renegade bombing. But when they get there, the team is held at arms length, given a babysitter, and only allowed to observe as the Saudi's conduct their own investigation. The core of the movie focuses on their struggle to navigate the royal politics of the Kingdom and solve the mystery of the attack.

Watching them solve the crime from the outskirts of the investigation is very entertaining, but I admit, in retrospect, it was heightened by my anticipation for the big conflict. The inevitable moment when rocket launchers reared their ugly heads and these dusty detectives got their shoot on.

Unlike a generic shoot out movie, The Kingdom definitely has something to say. I think the larger messages of how we're all the same and how the things that do separate us will never really go away shine pretty brightly, but just beneath the glaring social observations are less than flattering ones. A posture is taken that the Saudi's are incompetent and unable to solve their own mysteries. The leader of the investigation is a buffoon and the royalty that meet with the American’s are more concerned with showing off their prize hunting birds than catching any bad guys. God bless America for taking the time to come on over and save their asses, right?

I love America, but this portrayal is naïve at best. Not all Saudi’s can be this bungling, and to the films credit, the squad's babysitter (wonderfully played by Ashraf Barhoum) does his part in leading them through the traps and tricks of the political system. He is as capable and skilled as the great Americans there to save him, but what does the movie say about a country whose most adept citizen is put on guard duty. He's basically Chris Tucker in Rush Hour 1. And no one respects that.

A lot has been made about the odd collection of cast in this film, and it goes beyond – white guy, black guy, old guy and girl. While the four American’s ably represent those loose categories, it’s the careers of the actors that critics and fans are reacting to. Mostly Bateman’s whose largely comedic background doesn’t necessarily fit the gritty action of a movie like this. It didn’t really bother me but there’s been so much made of it that I figured it was worth mentioning. Bateman is there largely for comedic support. His sarcastic jabs and quick zingers keep The Kingdom from being all drama, all tension. He’s there to lighten the mood and it that respect he certainly earns his paycheck. What’s nice is that when it’s needed of him he’s able to hold his own in the acting department and proves that he should be famous for more than a canceled sitcom or two.

The rest of the team is equally enjoyable. I love watching Cooper really lay into a role, but here he’s given a chance to just play the sassy old bird, which he does so well. Foxx once again bottles cool and intensity proving why he's so much fun to watch. Garner seems to do more wincing than fighting but it’s hard not to be excited about her return to action. I’ve enjoyed her last few movies (including last spring’s some what bloated Catch and Release) but as a fan of her spy show Alias it’s a real joy to see her flex her action muscles again.

But beyond the performances, the most exciting thing to me on the industry end of things in The Kingdom is the creative breakout of its director. I think Peter Berg has finally hit his stride. After years of making fun but flawed films like Very Bad Things, The Rundown and Friday Night Lights, Berg defines the learning curve by delivering his most well-rounded and impressive film to date. He’s proven that an escalating budget, scale, and talent pool only bring out the best in him as his eye behind the camera and ability for storytelling shine brighter than ever. With The Kingdom, Berg is making sure that everyone knows he’s a director and producer worth keeping your eye on.

So if it's not an action movie, what is it? Well… The Kingdom is an action movie. The Kingdom is also a sharp political thriller. It's a touching story of the best and worst in humanity. It's about the differences and similarities of culture and life. But yeah, it's explosions too. I'm not upset about Hollywood sneaking in some more substance than usual in The Kingdom. Like the sex comedies that make you cry, some genuine emotion only makes the film better. I'm not naïve that what will bring audiences out to the theaters is the action, because it's what made me want to see it in the first place. And the movie is worth seeing just for those scenes, but don't write the rest of it off so quickly. Come for the violence, stay for the tight, well-told mystery that leads up to it.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10 - This is definitely a movie worth seeing. The Middle East is a part of the world that most of us think we have a grasp on. We think we have an understanding of how things work and the political relationships that connect and divide them with America, but there's so much there that we've overlooked. At least those of us more concerned with sex comedies than CNN. The Kingdom only scratches the surface of our relationship with Saudi Arabia, but it's one worth digging into.

As one of the most fiercely entertaining movies I've seen this year, The Kingdom gets high marks and a comfortable spot on my 2007 top 10 list. Though I'm not sure where yet, and with Oscar season around the corner it could be mercilessly bumped. Nevertheless it's a thrilling adventure that should not be missed.

It's difficult, because there's so much about this movie that's easy to like and easy to admire, but I can't say that I would want to come back to it over and over again. If I were persuaded into picking this up on DVD it would have just as much to do with the extras as it does for the film itself. A director's commentary and featureete's on where and how the movie was shot (Apparently the major locations were in Phoenix and Dubai) would be invaluable on home video. Features like that would take the movie to a whole new level and it would be tempting to pick up or at very least add to the Netflix cue. There's a whole world to explore in The Kingdom and if the DVD release really takes advantage of that then it will be that much harder to ignore.

Three Kings - I didn't pick up on the connection between The Kingdom and Three Kings until Gordon brought it up in the September 17th episode of the Triple Feature. I was fully content to make my comparison by calling The Kingdom "Syriana for those of us without an attention span." It's certainly more accessible and just as entertaining, but for completely different reasons.

But when Gordon mentioned the older, politically charged, Clooney film I couldn't help but recognize Three Kings as a better fit. Both films equally balance action and politics as their structural backdrop, in a Middle Eastern conflict setting, with heavy doses of humanity tacked on at the end to tug at your heartstrings. Both pander to audiences in a way that Syriana refuses to, but they still get their messages across and are both still wildly entertaining.

It's hard to choose one over the other as the superior film because as similar as they are, completely different tones are set. Three Kings is an offbeat adventure with a unique swagger of cool. The Kingdom simulates the same stance with big guns and bigger explosions instead of proper casting. Not that Foxx isn't cool, but Clooney doesn't need sunglass and a pout to make you want to be him. The Kingdom focuses more on the mission at hand than the characters behind it and a colder sense of urgency is set by their approach. Very different but just as enjoyable.

Rendition - The trailer for Rendition reveals the story of a man, the woman that loves him and the man hired to torture him. Reese Witherspoon is desperate to find her missing husband but Jake Gyllenhaal knows exactly where he is. As an agent for the government on his first assignment, he's been brought in to shake down this mystery man for answers. It's about these two people looking for the truth and it looks pretty intense.

For me the hardest thing to get past is that Gyllenhaal doesn't play the husband. I mean, obviously it's not going to be the starring role, but the way movies are built you almost want to pair the stars together even before the movie begins. It took me two times through the trailer to understand and accept that the potential love interest, age appropriate, marquee names are opposing each other. But it's all good.

If you can't get past that, try not to love the supporting cast. Alan Arkin, Peter Sarsgaard, Meryl Streep. That's hard to ignore. Who knows if political missing person storyline goes anywhere but with a cast list like that I'm willing to take the ride to a dead end.

Not much to chat up just yet but be sure to stop by next week for your JLCM fix as well as links to two guest strips I've got running next week. Also some other fun stuff hopefully. Have a great weekend!

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V