Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Kung Fu Hustle
Released: 4/22/05
Viewed: 4:50 4/20/05
Starring: Stephen Chow, Wah Yuen, Qiu Yuen, Siu Lung Leung
Directed by: Stephen Chow
Stephen Chow is either one of the world's greatest geniuses or he smokes a lot of pot. A LOT. Like?Woody Harrelson levels of pot during his "fight-to-justify-hemp-as-a-fabric" days. I just don't see how else it could have come about. The stuff that he (and his team of writers) were able to come up with is completely genius. We hear it every few months now in the movie world, but there is nothing like this in theaters now or ever. (Flash forward to my review of Bewitched later this summer: There is nothing like this in theaters?etc. I promise. That won't happen)
Kung Fu Hustle as a story is as basic as the greatest Kung Fu movies of all time. Good versus evil. Our guys are tougher then your guys. Oh Yeah? Yeah! KICK! We're introduced to a character every 20 minutes or so who is the most bad ass person in the world. Then someone comes along and, in the course of a jaw dropping battle, claims the throne as King of bad ass. This culminates in a battle of epic proportions between the two most bad ass people that could be scrounged up. It's simple set up for spectacular battles and full body laughs.
And my god, are these battles fantastic. One after the other the fights just keep getting better and better. You walk out of the theater so reeled by the last battle that it takes you 10 minutes to remember how cool that second fight was. Not only are they filled with people that clearly know how to fight, but superb camera work and editing. The fighting is clear and easy to follow but not filmed so stiffly that you, as a viewer, are taken out of it.
If that's all it were ? so what? But they combine fine filmmaking and skilled fighters with the imagination of the craziest minds alive. The themes used in the fighting range from cartoons to Chinese history and religion and mythology. The creative spin is really what saves the movie.
Fighting in action movies can easily be by the book. Punch. Jump . Kick. It becomes routine and you can loose interest. Something cool has to happen to draw you back in. In Kill Bill, if all we say was Uma clashing swords with a hundred guys, it would be cool, but? hell that thing got so bloody they had to switch to black and white just to keep the ratings down. It's different and interesting, and Kung Fu Hustle has that in spades. There are things in this movie that will blow your mind. I'm stopping myself from giving any of it away because ? damn. Just go see the movie.
A metaphor kills it for me. Two actually. There are two metaphors at the end of this movie that really brought the eye rolls out. It wasn't needed, the movie was perfect without them. I won't spoil them except to say ? don't worry. They're surrounded by awesome.
I've gone on and on about the fighting but for every spectacular kick, and for every amazing move there are at least 3 huge laughs. The humor is there, and it's strong. This movie is to Kung Fu movies what Shuan of the Dead is to Zombie movies.
9 out of 10 The point is lost for those metaphors, and for the way one character bites the dust ? Bad. Even in a movie where people can do just about anything. Also as visually stunning as this movie is, there are areas where the animation feels really fake. It's not horrible, or the end of the world. The movie is certainly still enjoyable, but it's noticeable. Also it's subtitled. I'm not even sure how much cool I missed when I was reading. Just kidding, I'm a purest. I'll just go watch it again and not read this time.
DVD worthy: No doubt about it ? YES!
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V
