Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Billy Burke, Michael Sheen, Dakota Fanning

Directed by: Chris Weitz

New Line Cinema

The Official Site of New Moon

Discuss New Moon on the boards!

If you’re not into it then you’re screwed. I’m not even talking about the huge Twilight phenomenon that has included controversial director shifts, tabloid cover stories and underage body building, I’m just talking about the rushed and inauthentic characters tossed out at us from the giant screen. If you can’t buy the unwavering, life-or-death love affair between wallflower Bella and vampire Edward then New Moon will be a sour story to swallow. At least the first 20 minutes of it.

Those 20 minutes are truly unbearable. It picks up where Twilight left off with our leads lost in a love that is not meant to be. Bella is haunted by the idea of growing old as her frozen-in-time true love stays fit, pale and forever in hair product. They are as awkward to watch as ever. Between their banter that comes off like rejected Shakespearean sonnets, their torturous attempts at kissing (like a person trying to lick a delicious cheeseburger without actually touching it) and, upon Edward’s departure, Bella’s introverted decent into crazytown, their daydream love plays more “teen drama club� than “end of the world�. Tough the target audience might disagree. Look, I’m not dead inside. I think it’s easy enough for most of us to sympathize with this sort of first love, first heart break situation and recognize that at the time it IS life-or-death. But from the comfort of my happy marriage, home and yard full of leaves begging to be raked it’s hard to objectively say that these loves… that this love… is worth getting all worked up over. Of course I never had to deal with a girlfriend constantly suppressing the urge to murder me. At least I think so. I do like ‘em crazy.

Edward realizes that his actions have put Bella in danger and decides to leave. Everyone in the audience sees through his cold act of rejection yet Bella seems crushed by Edward’s damning words and I cocked my head wondering why we should so willingly follow such a naïve heroine. Still, he goes and his absence brings new life to the film. (Sorry, Rob)

Bella becomes an adrenaline junkie after learning that being reckless brings on ghostly visions of Edward trying to protect her. She spends time with her old friend Jacob, a local werewolf whose newly developed abs and refusal to wear a shirt quickly grow on our lonely, lost lead. Jacob has replaced an emptiness in her heart and when they embrace it’s almost as if she’s replaced his missing shirt. It dials back the romance and starts from square one, which is great. Watching love develop is always more entertaining than watching love that simply “is�.

New Moon isn’t afraid to show off its big budget with some giant werewolf beat downs. The effects have their holes but I liked them overall. The transformations are smooth and visceral. Enough so to turn swoons to squeals from the pre-teen heavy crowd.

I’m happy to report that it also goes on to explore the monster mythology including that of wolf packs and their codes – another series of limitations creating another forbidden love situation for Bella (poor girl just needs a man that likes sushi). Even as it brings Edward back into the film we see a whole new aspect of his life in the larger world of vampires. Glimpses of the Vampire high council (lead by a pasty Michael Sheen who apparently only plays monsters and Tony Blaire now) inspire the potential of a larger vampire world exploring and expanding on the vampire mythos far beyond sparkle skin. It’s honestly nothing we haven’t seen before but it’s the promise that this series goes beyond the droning depression of forbidden love. It proves that it can create conflict and drama beyond the “should I or shouldn’t I be with you� bullshit that we kinda already know the answer to.

There are some noticeable holes but I think it’s another case of being in the moment. You could explain your way out of why Bella’s father leaves her alone with a pack of shirtless youths or why Edward doesn’t smell Bella approaching to save him even though he spent a third of the first movie going on about how awesome she stinks but it’s all kind of a stretch. These are thin characters waltzing through thin stories with thin motivations. Try not to rock the boat and just enjoy it for what it is. Because there’s definitely something there.

As New Moon drew to a close I was disappointed that they played all their cards. Spoiler alert but – Bella chooses a side. She ends the love triangle before it can even properly begin and it felt like a wasted opportunity to really develop these characters. How can they grow if they remain the same? I guess when you live for a hundred years you come to depend on your routines.

Rating: 6 out of 10 - I think that director Chris Weitz (About A Boy and the horribly underrated though perhaps rightfully so considering his own admission of studio tampering - The Golden Compass) has done an admirable job in righting this wayward ship. People really love the first Twilight film and that’s great but it’s nearly inaccessible to outsiders. Even as someone that read the novel I felt shut out of what was supposedly this fantastic adventure. And you can’t say it’s not for me because I’m not the target audience. The best adventures transcend demographics.

New Moon is a competent film that suffers from a clunky intro and highly motivated characters doing some very unnatural things (Bella forcing a pack of vampires to vote on her fate seemed a little stupid) but the adventure is there. The new love is there and it does become very exciting even for those of us not as connected to the characters as we might have liked to be.

The one flawless aspect of the film seemed to be its score and soundtrack. Weitz has mastered the montage with perfect track selection to set the stage with mood and tone. The film’s saving grace is its easy listening. If the film begins to fall apart just close your eyes and focus on what’s working.

This is an easy one for me to say pass on because it’s just not for me… but if you’re even slightly interested in this franchise than New Moon brings with it the romance, adventure and monster mythology worth drooling over. There are legions of fans eager to relive that. Curiosity upon the release of the next of the Twilight saga may have me returning to rent New Moon to recap what’s already happened, but shear testosterone will keep me from adding it to my permanent collection.

The girl in today’s strip is intended to be my sister who has actually appeared once before back in year one. If you know a Colleen Dunn that goes to your college tell her that her brother Joe says Hey. If it’s actually her that would be so creepy…

I find this team business fascinating. These shirts are actually made. Most often bootlegged but I saw some studio released ones actually on sale at the theater. When I showed up on Sunday morning for my screening the “Jacob� shirts were long since sold out. One woman in front of me seemed disappointed to be slumming it with Team Edward. I was more than happy to join up with Team Reeses Pieces.

Dueling Analogs is celebrating its 4 year anniversary and I’ve got a strip running up over there today. This was one of the ideas we were knocking around for our AVGW review of Uncharted but it didn’t make the cut. I always rally liked it though. Thanks to Steve for his kind words but for also being such a generous supporter of AVGW. He’s a big reason it has done as well as it has.