Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Angels & Demons
Starring: Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor, Ayelet Zurer, Stellan Skarsgård, Nikolaj Lie Kaas, Armin Mueller-Stahl
Directed by: Ron Howard
Sony Pictures
The Official Site of Angels & Demons
Discuss Angels & Demons on the boards!
I’m not the one to discuss the controversies of Angels & Demons. Its taboo themes of science versus faith, being an adaptation of a novel, a sequel to a mega hit, entertainment at the expense of sacrilege, Tom Hanks’ hair… Actually, the hair looks better but I’m not touching the other stuff. I was far more interested in how good the movie actually was. If it would hold up as a thriller regardless of subject or setting. If director Ron Howard could keep me on the edge of my seat. If Hanks could resurrect the charismatic confidence of the Robert Langdon character no matter what his head looked like.
By many accounts the film succeeds. It’s fast-paced, smart and at times very shocking. More importantly it manages to navigate through some serious flaws and still be a lot of fun. Hanks is terrific as Langdon. The poised intellectual that Indiana Jones would be if he were real. Give him a fashion sense and a theme song and Langdon is a readymade action hero. The perfect guide in cracking this conspiracy to elect the leader of a church.
Angels & Demons begins with the death of a Pope. As Vatican City mourns the loss and the conclave of Cardinals try to select a successor, they’re hit with a threat from an ancient group of intellectuals that rivaled the Catholic Church called The Illuminati. Robert Langdon is brought in to decipher the symbols and figure out who’s behind it before The Illuminati can murder four high-ranking Cardinals and set off a bomb within the Vatican walls.
The literal time bomb was a nice touch in setting a pace for the film. You feel those deadlines and the resulting sense of urgency to solve those clues and solve them FAST. Arguably a little too fast.
One of the nice things about Langdon’s first cinematic voyage, The Da Vinci Code, (the novels actually came out in reverse order though both read and watch as stand alone adventures) was its thoroughness in explaining the history behind the riddles. Angels & Demons starts out very faithful to this mantra but about 1/3rd of the way through devolves into more of an action movie than a thriller based in historical half-truths. Gone were the intricate riddles and extravagant explanatory scenes replaced instead with shoot-outs and stern looks. Before you can properly appreciate the history behind the subject, not to mention the gorgeous scenery of Rome, the film moves on to its next set piece. Angels & Demons is ultimately more about who’s behind the conspiracy than the clues Langdon solves to figuring it all out.
We’re giving an interesting cast of characters that would all benefit from manipulating a Papal election. Stellan Skarsgård is fantastic as the head of Law and Order: Vatican City and Armin Mueller-Stahl unleashes his legendary poker face practically daring you to suspect him. The true standouts of the supporting cast though were the mysterious assassin, Danish actor Nikolaj Lie Kaas and Ewan McGregor who plays the camerlengo in charge of Vatican City during the interim between officially appointed leaders. It takes a unique skill set to play a believable man of faith. Confidence in your beliefs without being condescending or self-righteous. He's got this scene with Hanks where he asks him if he believes in God and he plays it perfectly. He was assured and powerful without being threatening. He was a welcoming presence, which was hugely important for the character and the film.
Sadly Ayelet Zurer might as well have been cast as “woman”. She’s given nothing to do and is arguably only there to avoid this being a churched-themed sausage party. Considering what they did with their female sidekick in The Da Vinci Code it’s disappointing to see such an underdeveloped leading lady.
As the film was coming to a close and I looked over my choices for who might be the grand mastermind of this nefarious plot I found none of them to be satisfying. Not in a sense that I loved these characters so much that an evil streak running through one or more of them would be too terrible to bear but more in a sense that none of the options lead to a clever, exciting or remotely fulfilling conclusion.
Wouldn’t it have been something if author Dan Brown, Howard or Hanks had one last trick up their sleeve? The films last 20 minutes are certainly something to behold but is not the grand example of filmmaking to dilute those outside distractions.
Rating: 6.5 out of 10 - The further I get away from it the less impressed I am. It’s a fantastic distraction just try not to over think it once the doors close behind you.
You know, it depends. The big selling point for me buying The Da Vinci Code was that it came with a free movie ticket to see some other movie. I don’t even remember what movie it was but wouldn’t it be fantastic if it were something just as… bleh? Something that was entertaining but less so the further you got away from it. I’m thinking something along the lines of Night at the Museum. Anyway, I’m not upset that I own the first of the Robert Langdon films but if Angels & Demons could be as convincing about their DVD release, as to put to put free movie money in it, well then we’re looking at a sure thing.
On the less cynical side, repeat viewings should allow us time to appreciate the beautiful scenery that flies by in this roller coaster.
The Road - There’s something haunting and intense about the trailer for the adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s The Road. There’s also something potentially misleading. What was once primed to be Oscar bait of the 2008 season was pushed back to 2009 to put that extra bit of polish on it. The polish however seems to have turned a desperate, emotional tale of survival into this futuristic wasteland film where you could just as easily see a T-800 walk over the horizon as a squirrel.
The trailer plays big on effects and its epic scale even though this (at least I think it is) is supposed to be a more intimate story about father and son. That could all still be intact. Films like Children of Men or even Blindness (why are people so down on that movie?) have shown us that a well shot and grand depiction of a doomsday afterworld can still say something and say it well. Let’s maybe not hold our breath for the movie that was pushed back a year…
I’m curious to read the book. McCarthy is so well respected and after the adaptation of No Country for Old Men I bet studios are itching to snatch up his work. Might as well get in on the ground floor and see what all the hype is about.
In making a protestor I think it was instinctual to draw some shlubby madman ranting and carrying on but I know that not to be true of all protestors. It’s just a caricature or a stereotype that demeans them. I made a conscious effort to make the protector good-looking and put-together because a negative appearance would only detract form his point of view which really isn’t fair.
I don’t really have an opinion on entertainment vs. faith or if what they’re doing in making movies like this is really hurting how people view the church but I’d never stop anyone from speaking their mind on the subject. From my perspective the comic does not chose a side. It only says that God likes Star Trek which I think he probably would. Everyone else does.
On Thursday I did a guest strip for The Crooked Gremlins. You may remember that a couple months back they did a guest strip for me and I jumped at the chance of returning the favor. Lots of back scratching going on. See that’s the beauty of the web comic community. We’re all aware of each other’s back and itching issues and are never too shy to lend a helping hand, or twitching finger as it were. Plus we all have beautifully manicured hands. Thanks so much to the guys over there. I definitely got the sweeter end of the deal. They’re characters are a lot of fun to spend some time with.
There was a second guest strip that I did this week for Dave over at Taking the Bypass but it hasn’t gone up yet. He’s in the middle of a guest month and if you’re in a back scratching mood (see previous paragraph for reference) and want to help out a really terrific strip then head on over and lend him that twitching finger.
In more on site news… Phil tares into the X-men Origins: Wolverine Uncaged Edition video game for the PS3 and lets us know if it’s worth our time, worth our money and if the unthinkable is true… Could a movie-based game actually be better than the movie? Check out the latest edition of Another Video Game Webcomic to find out. And to see Player 1 cut Minion’s arm off. Always a bonus.
In regards the AVGW, I want to thank everyone that’s reached out to us and helped support it. It’s still a very young strip and could easily get lost in the flood of videogame comics hitting the web on a daily basis, but Phil and I are having a blast working on it and are SO grateful for everyone that’s covered us in reviews or dropped us a link in support. I personally would love to thank Steve over at Dueling Analogs who has not only been a good friend for the past couple years but also a gigantic source of inspiration and encouragement. Great guy. Go check him out.
Before I go… you’ve got to watch this video. A remix of Stan Bush’s “Touch”, the song that was featured in Transformers: The Movie (The animated one not the… well I guess this one is mostly animated too…) I’d go as far as to call this an interesting arrangement but they should just hand it over to a band that’s used to doing this kind of heavy lifting. I’m not a huge Linkin Park fan but they would destroy this and it would actually have a chance of making the movie.
That’s it for today but there will be more very soon. Thanks for swinging by.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V