Starring: Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Matthew Goode, Jackie Earle Haley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Patrick Wilson, Carla Gugino,

Directed by: Zack Snyder

Warner Brothers Pictures

The Official Site of Watchmen

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The following is indulgent and (to a degree) inaccurate. Please see Watchmen. It is experience that deserves your personal opinion.

If Watchmen is anything – it’s thorough. Based on the legendary graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, a collection that is largely regarded as the greatest story ever told in comics as well as a turning point in how the industry was perceived, Watchmen is a stunningly faithful adaptation. Because of its depth and complexity it has been called unfilmable but director Zack Snyder, a man that clearly did his homework and is very passionate about the source, did the unthinkable and filmed an authentic and entertaining masterwork. But at what cost? The unfilmable film has been filmed and done so faithfully but surely we lost something in there besides the random pirate reference and space squid.

Watchmen sells its soul for the details. Everything from the photos on the wall to the Presidential dedication on the grip of The Comedian’s pistol is lovingly authentic but the story at times becomes cluttered, clouded and long. Watchmen is a visual masterpiece too worried about securing the right song for the opening titles then it is securing an emotional connection with its audience.

Before the nasty e-mails come in – I’ve read the book and I get it. I understand how important Watchmen is and, more importantly, why it’s important. We wouldn’t be where we are today in comics or film without it but I don’t think my time spent reading the graphic novel over the past 15 years hurt my experience at the theater today. Any aversion I have for the film has less to do with my expectations, then how the film was executed.

Ask even the most informed and eloquent fan of the source material to explain Watchmen and chances are it’ll still start off with an, “Ummmm…�. And with good reason. There’s a lot of stuff going on. Politics, doomsday, superheroes, impotency… it’s a difficult string to untangle in a sentence or two. Simply put Watchmen is a murder mystery. A regrouping of retired heroes to identify and take down a mysterious serial killer that’s targeting their kind.

The slightly more complicated explanation would identify Watchmen a deconstruction of how we perceive superheroes in the real world. What would really happen if guys and girls put on masks and fought crime? Well Mothman got hauled off to the loony bin, Dollar Bill got gunned down when his cape caught in a revolving door, and The Silk Specter is aging ungracefully in a retirement home dreaming of her glory days as she downs her fifth martini of the afternoon. And that’s just in the opening credits.

In this world Batman becomes Rorschach, a mental patient behind an inkblot mask who will spare no criminal (or puppy) that crosses his path. Captain America becomes The Comediean, a government soldier poisoned by a lifetime of war. Superman becomes Dr. Manhattan. America’s100-foot tall secret weapon who’s bald, blue, naked and wining the Vietnam war with a wave of his finger and a blank, inhuman stare. It’s easy to assign them to these “types� but the Watchmen are very much their own thing. Or at least they should be.

Watchmen features half a dozen realistic extremes in its characters. Twisted versions of the figures you idolized as children that are explored here… at length. Like I said – Watchmen is thorough. Unfortunately to the point of distraction. The mystery of the mask killer gets lost as we explore these characters. They’re not established as suspects as much as they are targets and as a result, what should be the driving force of the movie gets lost in back stories. While Watchmen is paying attention to the details, it distracts itself from the reason it began exploring the characters to begin with.

As thorough as the film is in establishing its cast of characters, inexplicably I found it hard to connect with them. Characters I’ve loved for years were nearly soulless vessels when brought to life and it made the movie suffer further. What should be natural feels forced. What should be emotional becomes comical. It’s not right when the two biggest laughs of your epic ode to superheroes are in a tender moment of lovemaking and a maniac punching a woman.

No matter how closely they followed their bible something was lost in translation. The frenzied masterpiece can’t find its footing on the big screen. As awesome as it was watching Rorschach and Nite Owl on the case, Ozymandias schooling a would-be assassin or even “two riders approaching outside in the cold distance�, Zack Snyder’s Watchmen proves to be fiercely entertaining proof that this story is in fact unfilmable… For now at least.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10 - I had a tremendously difficult time writing this review. I’d outlined my thoughts quickly but found, no matter how hard I tried, it was difficult not to compare the film to the comic. I wish very much that I were eloquent and well spoken enough to construct my thoughts without the crutch of “It should have been like this�. Above all I encourage you to find your own opinion though, despite and underwhelming box office, there should be an Internet full of them come Monday morning. Fee free to share yours with us here.

Watchmen is a movie that, despite its length, will actually be better in repeat viewings. To the diehard fans, buying the movie on DVD will give them countless opportunities to spot the finer details from the comic adapted into the background. To those new to the world, buying it on DVD will give them the opportunity to really fall in love with the characters the same way that first group has. If the material isn’t enough of an incentive then please consider the copious amount of extras that will be collected on this release. All the promotional footage, featurettes on the book, the adaptation, the making of, a director’s cut including the The Black Freighter footage… and on and on.

Although… part of me is afraid this movie might end up sitting on the shelf. The length alone and not wanting to treat it as background noise could have it collecting dust rather than getting steady play.

The Hangover, Public Enemies, Observe and Report, - In my IMAX screening at Lincoln Center there was only one trailer running before Watchmen, a new one for Harry Potter 6, which I’ll get into later in the week. Screenings on the smaller screens were reporting upwards of 6 trailers running before the film, which is a little bit ridiculous. I would go as far as to say it was cruel considering it turned this 2 hour 41 minute movie into a solid 3 hour ordeal. It was the last thing audiences needed leading up to the adventure. At least it was all quality stuff. I’m sure the new stuff for Wolverine: Origins, Pixar’s Up, and Terminator Salvation were shown to a slew of you, but here are the stand-outs of what I watched on line.

The Hangover - Todd Phillips returns with a raunchy comedy a cast of characters that could make this film the instant classic Old School was a few years back. At the very least The Hangover should be worth a trip to the theater to see Mike Tyson praise classic Phil Collins tunes. Knowing that people besides me and Bale in American Psycho love a good Collins jam makes me feel very warm inside. Come one. Who out there loves some “Easy Lover�?

Public Enemies - Completely blown away by this. I love man’s slow burn style but this trailer cooks all the way through. Even in a different era he’s bringing a fresh modern dynamic to these characters. I can’t wait to see what Bale and Depp do under his direction.

Observe and Report red band trailer – Yeo was quick to call out how much this really is like Paul Blart. A few of the plot details are a little closer than I’d like to admit. I’m not saying that’s bad, but it ain’t good. It puts a lot of pressure on Rogen to succeed as much or more as James did in the similar and much lighter part. Observe and Reports biggest detractor will be that it’s much darker. It turned us off to be honest. Not that Blart turned us on but the idea of watching a depressed, violent version of that sounds as appealing as watching that again. We’ll see how things go.

This popped up on /film Friday morning and I’ve watched it at least 6 or 7 times since then. It’s the Watchmen done up as a 1980s cartoon series with all the classic references you’d expect. As strong a Watchmen parody as Watchmen Babies from The Simpsons. To be fair though that was only the cover of a comic book. This features Dr. Manhattan giving bad guys cancer… and then turning into a car.

There’s plenty up there to soak in so I’ll just shut up down here. Thanks for reading.