Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Sky High
Released: 7/29/05
Viewed: 9:45pm 8/6/05
Starring: Michael Angarano, Kurt Russell, Kelly Preston, Danielle Panabaker, Bruce Campbell, Linda Carter, Dave Foley, Kevin Mcdonald
Directed by: Mike Mitchell
Sky High Is awesome? in theory. But so is Communism, so don't get too excited. It's a school with superhero's teaching other superhero's how to use their powers. It's X-men if you take the racism and replace it with a super hero class system. You see, at Sky High, you're either a hero, or a sidekick. Guess which one gets the swirlies? Don't know what a swirly is? And you're reading a comic??
So that the movie is a little disappointing makes a lot more sense when you find out Disney is behind it. It's a little too safe. It sticks a little too closely to the template of feel good family fun. There's nothing wrong with it, but in the end it's just a kids movie. Still, it's a great idea with a lot of potential. Especially with it's cast.
That's the thing. I have no complaints with the cast and the performances. Everyone showed up to play. Kurt Russell and Kelly Preston as the parents are cast perfectly. Russell is such the classic hero type. Hard working, hard fighting he fills out this Captain America-esque role to a T. I love Preston. Ever since Twins. She's aged beautifully and looks great in her Jetstream gear. A surprising amount of cleavage for a Disney movie, but if you're going to push the envelope ? they pushed in the right place. (Obnoxious winking)
I loved the faculty at the school. Bruce Campbell with a booming voice ? money in the bank. Former Kids in the Hall Dave Foley, and Kevin Mcdonald as a aged sidekick and brainiac. That's so perfect. And Broken Lizard's Kevin Heffernan as the loser bus driver, who is just eager to please and be part of the club. All four of these actors steal every scene they are in just dropping in little nuggets of comedy.
Michael Angarano plays the hero of the story, Will Stronghold. He's been doing the movie scene for a while in supporting roles but he's showed he can step up and carry a movie and still make it interesting. At the same time there's no material here that allowed him to really show any kind of acting skill, but he was believable and natural on screen. I look forward to seeing more from him.
Ultimately the cast is the best thing. Even the groups of sidekick friends are all interesting and entertaining in their own way. Where the movie crumbles is in it's predictability. You could literally run down a checklist and as the movie unravels. Like I said ? there's nothing really wrong with that. It is a kid's movie and if it's worked before, it'll work again. But there's always the hope that kids movies will appeal to adults too. People with kids, they have to watch it. So why should they be bored. And it's not that it's boring. It's just nothing special. I think I'm just frustrated over wasted potential. It's a super hero high school for Christ's sake!
But you got to give the producers credit. They at least knew what they had and tried to appeal to adults. This is a superhero-loving world since Spider-man took over Hollywood. So there are potential ticket sales there. The most horrendous decision of appeal was the sound track. They went with classic 80's songs. Awesome. They picked songs that people instantly recognize and have a connection with. Classic songs that make you feel something the second you hear them. But? they had pop punk band cover them. Ok, a great idea? like communism. It just didn't work out. These songs are classic for a reason. They should have just used the originals.
It's hard to be mad at Sky High. It's a nice little movie. Good effects. Enjoyable cast with a few guest spots that will make people smile. A decent final battle sequence. But so what? It's a dime a dozen these days. A better twist ending could have saved it. I'll say that. But can I recommend seeing it? I guess. Are movies cheap near you? It's not a waste of time, but it's nothing special.
6 out of 10 The kids will love it. The adults won't be annoyed by it. If anything you'll just be disappointed that you didn't get to see Campbell's character as a baby.
DVD worthy?: Nah. But I wish it good sales on DVD. A sequel could take it to another level. I'd love to see a movie of just that faculty teaching classes.
If you liked this movie check out : Spy Kids
Spy Kids will give you the same safe family fun. It's something the kids can get excited about and the adults won't get bored with. I love the imagination of Rodriguez. He comes up with some crazy stuff. Except the rubber band in Spy Kid's two. That was complete crap. Just watch the original.
AS is the style of the time, I have updated the incentive image specific to this strip. It answers the question of what power I would choose to have for myself. The voting has been great lately and I'm extremely grateful. I hope you guys are enjoying the sketches as much as I'm enjoying doing them.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V