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Are We Done Yet?

Starring: Ice Cube, Nia Long, John C. McGinley

, Aleisha Allen, Philip Bolden Directed by: Antoine Fuqua

Sony Pictures - Official Site of the Movie

Ice Cube is back in theaters with Are We done Yet?, the sequel to his surprise hit Are We There Yet?, in his latest and most successful attempt to ruin any credibility he had left. From the man that was in NWA, and avoided sitcom hell (unlike his other rapper-turned-actor brothers Will Smith and LL Cool J) in his jump to the big screen where he got attached to dramatic (Boyz N the Hood) and comedic (Friday) classics, comes a safe and predictable family comedy that should put the final nail in the coffin that XXX: State of the Union and Torque built.

Of course people love Cube and they’ll more likely than not turn out in droves to support him even if the movie doesn’t deserve it. (Early weekend estimates put Are We Done in 3rd place with just over 15 million behind last weeks champs Blades of Glory and Meet the Robinsons). As a fan who actually pays to see his movies in the theater (including XXX:2 and Torque) I can say that for the first time, I regret spending the money.

This family friendly romp catches us up with Nick Persons (Ice Cube) who with new wife Nia Long and her two children, is desperate to move to the country where a gigantic fixer-upper will have plenty of room for their expanding family and for Nick to follow his dreams. What follows is a bad collection of fish out of water, man vs. nature, man vs. home repair, difficult neighbors, annoying step kids, unsympathetic wife, and a dozen other “been there, done that� jokes. But did we really expect new ideas from a sequel?

That’s just it…Are We Done Yet? isn’t just a sequel… it’s a remake too! Based on the 1948 comedy Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House starring Cary Grant, Are We Done gives the two deceased writers of that film one last credit for their IMDB page. A credit that earns them another paycheck, and a justifiable reason to start spinning in their graves.

There’s something funny about it being both a remake and a sequel, and something satisfying in the way it fulfills all the negative stereotypes that come along with those labels. Hollywood churns out so many of them, often with a little less heart and a little less originality in each pass. Are We Done definitely reeks of a movie that has been passed over twice by the movie-making machine leaving it an aimless and empty disaster.

Whatever “show� there is to steal in Are We Done Yet?, is stolen completely and uncontested by John C. McGinley who plays the local Renaissance man that acts as their realtor, contractor, counselor, midwife and a slew of other roles that require him to wear different hats. Different hats literally and figuratively. There’s a seen where as the inspector, McGinley won’t discuss contractor business with Nick because he’s not wearing the right hat.

A little lame, I know, but McGinley, who has more than proven himself to me in movies like Nothing To Lose, Office Space, Point Break and on TV in Scrubs, ably makes this potentially slimy con-artist a lot of fun to watch. Especially when you learn the truth behind his intentions of selling the Persons family a complete wreck of a house.

And that’s what this movie needed a little more of. Truth. The most entertaining moment of the film is not when Cube is wrestling with animals or falling through part of his house, it’s when he hits rock bottom and has to face the truth. When he confronts McGinley’s character after learning his deep dark secret I felt like for the first time I was watching a real movie. There’s 15 minutes of honesty that made for some really entertaining storytelling, and it just disappoints me to see it surrounded by Hollywood’s idea of what they think audiences want in a family comedy.

Are We Done Yet? is a sloppy afterthought that shouldn’t, but probably will, do well enough to warrant Are They Gone Yet?, Are We Happy Yet?, Is it Funny Yet? and Are We Dead Yet? Try as we might to avoid it making these movies is cheaper and quicker than producing original material, and if we keep paying to see it, what’s to stop them?

Rating: 2 out of 10 - As an Ice Cube fan it’s hard of for me to sit through Are We Done Yet?. Maybe it’s just out of my age range. Maybe I’m too old to appreciate a good “man falls through ceiling joke.� The Owl attack was pretty funny though. Cube has delivered some good films and performances in the past but this is one that should be buried and forgotten.

So what’s up next to put things back on track? One comedy about two guys that try to rob a church, and an action thriller about a group of men that will break anyone out of prison for the right price. That sitcom career isn’t looking so bad now.

I’m never going to see this movie again in my life so owning it is pretty much out of the question. Though I would consider buying it for someone as some sort of cruel joke.

Don’t feel bad if you’re a little lost. This comic is a little nod to the regular readers and you new guys and gals that have dug through the archives already. To the rest of you noobs, may I introduce you to Senator Palpatine. Yes, THAT Senator Palpatine, a character that I used in the strip a couple of years ago when Episode III came out, and who became so popular with the readers that his return was imminent. He tends to pop up 2 or 3 times a year inflicting an earth shattering “Uh-DuuH!� on those who don’t grasp the obvious. (Take a trip down Palpatine lane with Episode III, Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, and this New Years Strip) I’d have him show up more but with the way he’s used in JLCM, it’s kind of difficult to just drop him in randomly. It would be lame to just tell the same joke over and over again where someone says something obvious and Palpatine thunders in with his catch phrase. The trick now is to try and fine different ways of introducing it. I really stretched to find new approaches specifically with Night Watch and Saw 3, and I hope I achieved the same results with this latest strip. The gag is not that he’s going to “Uh-Duh� them, it’s that he’s hanging out, waiting at a place where he knows this special service will be needed. Like it’s his job to make people feel stupid because they didn’t know Are We Done Yet was going to suck.

I hate explaining a joke, but I feel guilty about just dropping the character out of the blue. But if you think he’s hard to rework into the strip think about how difficult it is to bring back a giant robot Jesus. Anyway, that’s Palpatine, and that’s his story.

Spiderman 3 - I had been hoping to avoid the trailers for Spiderman 3 until we were a little closer to the release date of the film, but as soon as this latest trailer started up, there was nothing that could have distracted me from the first glimpse of Venom on the big screen.

I’m not even a big Venom fan but to see him in action for the first time and to see him take over Topher Grace, was a real treat. But as cool as it is, how can we not be at least a little concerned for how this movie is going to work? 3 villains with their own stories, 2 love interests, 1 wedding, 2 dead father figures, 2 costumes and enough subplots for 8 more Spidey films… the stage is crowded to say the least. I have some serious fears that the pieces might not fall into place for this final part of the story.

The action is rumored to be even grander than the last time around including a subway tunnel chase that supposedly puts the incredible train sequence from Spiderman 2 to shame. Also we have to have some faith in the people involved who have proven to us that they understand and love these characters. It might be busy but there’s a really good chance it’ll still be amazing.

Not much to say today other than I’m shocked Grindhouse couldn’t nab the top spot from Blades of Glory. I would first point the finger at the R rating or the niche market that a movie like this falls into, but 300 faced the same obstacles and managed to take the top and hover around it for an entire month. The lower than expected opening probably had more to do with the length of the film, which has scared audiences away from better movies. 3 hours is a tough pill to swallow and as good as the movie is, you definitely feel it.

I’ve got a comic and review scheduled for this but If you’d like to hear my thoughts on it sooner, be sure to tune into The Triple Feature podcast where Tom, Gordon and I will be talking about it tonight. The show starts at 10pm EST for those of you that want to listen in live, but it can also be downloaded and listen to at any time afterwards, free of charge courtesy of Talkshoe.

That’s it for now, but I’ll see you soon,