Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Robots
Released: 3/11/05
Viewed: 7:10pm 3/11/05
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Halle Berry, Robin Williams, Mel Brooks
Directed by: Chris Wedge, Carlos Saldanha
Animated movies have gotten so good that there are a few things you can expect.
First ? it's for kids so the story is going to be a nice little bundle of fun. You'll have a lighthearted tale of a hero overcoming problems on a grand scale while thwarting an evil mastermind in epic form. Covered. Robots is a fun little adventure with real heart and a lot of laughs. It is a kids movie but as most animated films have managed to master, it's still entertaining for adults.
Second ? it'll look good. The quality of movie animation has escalated to the point where they can do nearly anything. If the movie DOESN'T look good then you must be watching a revival from at least 10 years ago because it's way to easy to make it look good now. Robots delivers. A lot of the robots designs are really strong. I especially liked the tall sleekness of Kinnear's character Ratchet. And the attention paid to the little details on the junky Robots does not go unnoticed. Worn paint, little chips, little dents, and even uncovered mechanics all add to the feel of the movie. It's the little details that count.
Third ? Famous people love to talk. Ever Since Toy Story took over the world, animated films have become the place where big name actors come to spend 3 weeks making millions of dollars for talking. From their perspective ? not only are you making a family friendly film, which is great for your career because it broadens your audience, but your also able to do it without as much effort and time as is required for a live action feature. I don't mean to discredit their efforts. There is some splendid acting going on in modern day animation, but you get to skip the make up chair.
And it's not as if animated films are less exposure. Sure, no one sees your face, but the way these things are marketed, the audience knows whose showing up to play. Does anyone not know who did the voice for Shrek? Did anyone say Bono? Sure it would have been cool but step back into reality.
Robots is no exception. It's filled with a huge cast where even the B level characters are at least a little famous. Most everyone hit's the right notes, but the biggest props go to Stanley Tucci as our hero's hard working wise old father. It's their relationship in this movie that is the emotional center. It works, mostly because when you watch Tucci, you want him to be your father. Pride and respect in a soft understated way. He works hard and he loves his kid. That's beautiful.
I was EXTREAMLY nervouse about Robin Williams. He's got his funny moments, but let's face it. The guys like an improve monkey on speed. There's no telling what he's going to say. And there's a good chance that what he says will either A) be dirty, or B) make no sense at all. But he was harmless, and he actually has a few good lines. I'm assuming there's a lot of his improve left on the cutting room floor.
The only person that didn't make an impression was Halle Berry as the hot robot. At one point she has cool roller blade things that pop out of her feet. Otherwise she's completely pointless.
All these points are hit well enough and the result is a good movie with a few great laughs, but it's ultimately forgettable. It doesn't have the epic scale of The Incredibles or the big laughs of Shrek 2, but it's not a complete waste of time.
6 out of 10
At the time of this review the movie had broken 100 million but by today's standards that's not so great. Animated movies have become the juggernauts of the industry, appealing to all age groups they come in and take over. But I think the market has been flooded with inferior films. (Sponge Bob was a mess) Hopefully Shrek 3 won't suck.
DVD worthy: Nope. Stupid kids movie. Hmmph!
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V
