Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Wolf Creek
Released: 12/25/05
Viewed: 7:10pm 12/30/05
Starring: John Jarratt, Nathan Phillips, Cassandra Magrath, Kestie Morassi
Directed by: Greg McLean
Official Site of the movie
I completely spaced on the comic. For the life of me I couldn't come up with a comic to support the movie that didn't ruin one of the cooler moments or spoil one of the major plot elements. After a few weeks of hemming and hawing over it I decided to turn it in on itself and have "no joke" be the joke. Plus it gave me a chance to address Irv's approaching death established in the comic for Last Holiday.
But it's no slight on the movie. It's not mind blowing but it did have a few very good horror moments. The story revolves around three teenagers that go into the Australian wilderness, and end up getting kidnapped and tortured by a local scavenger. Kind of a "been done before" situation, but now it's Australian! So there's kangaroos! Ok, there aren't any kangaroos but there is a conversation about kangaroos.
The movie has some solid horror, but I kept feeling like it was more fun than scary. It's very gory, and very detailed and I guess technically "sick and twisted" but I was never afraid. I never felt that the scavenger was that scary of a guy. He kind of reminded me of a cross between Harland Williams and Wolverine. John Jarratt is effective in his role and has his moments of true evil, but he always felt more cool than frightening.
Might be because of the way things were established. Like this months horror hit Hostel the movie starts off in a very different way than it ends. They use a real world story to give you a false sense of security. That way when the bad stuff eventually happens it has a greater impact. It's a great effect, but most people that go to these movies aren't willing to wait 40 minutes for the horror to begin. At least show us a booby or somethin'!
On the other hand you are expecting the horror. It's inevitable, so the waiting becomes it's own little kind of torture. It's a pretty cool method that I sort of half support and half condemn. Just show us some boobs.
The big draw of this inde film was that it was supposedly based on true events. I call "crap" on that. I can believe that some crazy guy kidnapped some kids, but the events that took place, based on what actually happens on screen, can only be a big guess at best. I'm not saying it didn't happen, I'm just asking "how?" Can't say anymore without spoilers, but just don't let the fact that it's based on actual events be the thing that makes you see this. It left me asking the wrong kind of questions at the end
So it does hit a lot of good marks. Once things get going I found myself routing for the good guys to win, then the bad guy would do something really cool and I'd sort of be routing for him. That's good. It makes your character sort of ledged. I personally don't think he's the Jason Voorhees of this generation though. He does have potential to be more of a bitter old Mr. Blonde.
My biggest problem with the character Jarratt played is actually one of the things that is so cool about Mr. Blonde: Lack of motivation. Blonde was a stone cold bastard. His motivation in the movie was technically money, but he would have chopped into that cop just for the fun of it. Jarratt on the other hand was just completely insane. I can't see any reason he was doing what he was doing. They never really go into it. There are hints that he just hates tourists, but those hints weren't that strong.
Is it better or worse that they didn't really explore his motivation? It makes him more frightening that he's just crazy, but I just wanted to understand. For me adding in motivation would have brought meaning to the killings. Not justification ? just identification. On some level, understanding that makes it cooler. Classic horror figures always have a crazy back-story. I want to know his. I guess that's good story telling. Always leave them wanting more.
Not so much in this case. There were a few things I would have liked to be different about this movie. Strong in gore, strong in new ideas of gore, but average everywhere else. 5 out of 10. It didn't quite live up to the hype. If you love horror and can still find it in a small theater, check it out. There are some good moments. It's just not a classic.
DVD worthy?: No thanks. I would be buying it less for the non-existent underlying commentary, and more for the hack/slash. If that's why you're buying a horror movie than you may be missing the bigger picture. There's always room for cool ideas and slick action, but in an era where horror movies are a dime a dozen, there needs to be something special to make it worth buying.
If you liked this movie check out: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Chainsaw is the granddaddy of all "butchering of lost travelers" movies. Wolf Creek has the same vibe, but Chainsaw was way more extreme and way more terrifying. The strongest link is that they both clearly freak you out because they could really happen. This could happen to you. That's why you'll never drive through Texas with under a quarter tank of gas. Or why you'll never pick up a hitchhiker that's bleeding out the ears.
The only peace I find at the end of the day is that Texas and Australia are big, but easy to avoid. So until the hillbillies come to NY, I'm sleeping tight.
Trailer Hitch: The Hills Have Eyes
Gugggggugugug? a remake movie about radioactive deformed hill people? Is this what its come too? The trailer is full of lame jumps and loud screeches and sentimental music that dwindles away being replaced by the echo of TERROR! It looks completely unoriginal and "creepy" scary which isn't really scary at all. It's difficult to look at because it's uncomfortable, and somehow that became the new definition of scary over the last 15 years.
The appeal for me is the lovely Emilie de Ravin doing her best High Tension/Lions gate impression. She's been great on LOST, but I'm anxious to see her have some room to shine.
The incentive image today is my idea of a real Australian horror movie. Kangartoo Jack 2: Jack Attack!
Non-movie related news
Thanks for reading guys. Next up is Big Momma's House 2. I watched the first one this afternoon and forgot how much I actually enjoy it. Don't get to excited, it's not that good, and still has its annoying parts. But I was laughing.
Wanted to point out a comic I've only been reading for a couple of weeks but I just think it's fantastic. It's called Cultural Void by Dave Sherrill. Found him through the wonderful world of Live Journal. I have to say how great that community is and how much of a support so many people on LJ have been to JLCM. You guys rock. You Rock Like Cultural Void which everyone should go read right now. Happy Friday everybody!
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V
