Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Chicken Little 3-D
Released: 11/4/05
Viewed: 5:10pm 11/5/05
Starring: Zach Braff, Garry Marshall, Don Knotts, Joan Cusack, Steve Zahn
Directed by: Mark Dindal
Digital animation has officially taken over at Disney. Earlier this year they closed down the departments that were still doing things in the hand drawn traditional style. It's more cost effective to create a sequel when all the characters are already programmed. There's nothing wrong with that, but a little part of me wept when this news first came out. I'm not sure why, I haven't enjoyed the traditional method since Lilo and Stitch. I never even saw Mulan or Hercules.
Come to think of it, it's a little surprising that Disney is so late jumping on the digital bandwagon. Sure there was the Pixar affiliation but that's officially blow up in their faces. For a company that defined cutting edge for the better part of a century, they really dropped the ball in these past 10 years.
But this isn't about Disney, or Pixar, or any of the 3 dozen animation houses that have sprung up since Toy Story made a bazillion dollars. It's about the animation event of the fall ? Chicken Little. I wish I could say so many good things but? it just wasn't there.
They followed the formula that all animated classics should. Zero to hero main character with a larger then life problem, and a big emotional mountain to climb. In the course of the movie he overcomes both problems and finds true love. Did I give anything away? So it follows the formula and hits each note (almost on schedule) but with no power or emphasis. Even the 3-D felt like a tacked on gimmick to help hide it mediocrity.
A good animated film has got to look good. This movie looks great all around. Perfect design, perfect backgrounds, convincing effects. I have no major complaints about the animation used, but I can't imagine that the movie was made with 3-D in mind. There's a full-scale invasion at one point in this movie, and they do almost nothing with it. It's not good when the most effective 3-D moment is a dodge ball fight. It wasn't even that cool. It seems like that sentiment was felt all around. Their hearts and heads were in the right places, but it just wasn't cool enough.
A good animated film has got to bring the emotion. There has to be one moment where the conflicted family members or friends find common ground and join together for the greater good. I totally zoned out during that point in the movie. I'm not even sure what I was thinking about but I blinked my eye, and the big heart to heart was over. Just goes to show how invested I was in it.
A good animated film has got to be funny. There are at least 6 or 7 good hearty laughs here, but nothing that was so original or so unbelievably funny. Steve Zahn's character Runt is meant to be the biggest comic relief of the movie, but I found him more annoying then loveable. For me it was all about Fishy. That kid rocked.
It's very middle of the road, and in the long run I think it will be forgotten under much larger more deserving films, but it's still easy to watch and fun. At no point does it become annoying, but is that really a glowing recommendation for any movie? Whatever I say, this movie will make a ton of money. I can tell just from the goofy little kids I had to step over to get out of the theater. And that's fine, kids love what they love, it could be a lot worse. If I ever have to watch the Powerpuff Girls movie again I'm punching someone in the face. Even if it is a little kid.
5 out of 10. I'm having trouble giving it a below average rating because the animation is terrific, there are a few laughs, and as poorly told as it is ? it still has a really good moral. One that little kids may appreciate more than this bitter old cartoonist whose too busy waiting for the 3d effects to be awesome. Translation ? the kids will have a great time and be blown away by the visual spectacle of it all, and parents will be able watch it and keep their sanity intact
.
DVD worthy?: Nah. It's a good movie but for me to be willing to buy a kids movie to own it has got to really knock my socks off with at leas two out of three of, visuals, laughs or emotions. This one comes close but never takes off with any of the three.
If you liked this movie check out: Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius
Jimmy Neutron was an unexpected surprise because it was this little movie that came out in 2001 in the middle of Shrek madness, and Pixar insanity. No one thought a movie from Nickelodeon would do squat. But with an original story and bizarre animation it won me over. It's cute where it needs to be, exciting where it needs to be and funny as hell throughout. Well, as funny as a kid's movie is going to get.
What reminded me of Jimmy Neutron while watching Chicken Little was mainly the subject matter, - parents vs. kids in an intergalactic sci-fi adventure. I scratch my head soar wondering why more companies haven't embraced stories like this. Thank god they seem to do pretty well, as we happily move away from retread fairy tales. There's a lot of love and respect for those stories, but there's nothing wrong with something new, or even interpretations of those stories in sci-fi settings. The young nerds of the world demand it!
Trailer Hitch: Ant Bully
A new Animated film from a new animation company about a boy who floods an Ant colony and is then magically shrunken down and forced to work in the ruins. The first reaction to this little teaser trailer is ? how can a third company make a third movie about ants in less then 10 years? Is the ant community really that hard up for representation?
But once they revealed the title and the bully in action I felt instantly connected to the movie on a few levels. I? was an ant bully. I think most little boys were. It's part of youth, learning and growing. Once you understand, or someone tells you it's a bad thing, you're better off, but ask most young men and I'm sure most will admit to the god complex they had as a 4 year old in the back yard.
Having been through it I realized that this movie is long over due. Show these kids the other side of things. The living creatures that are being affected by their actions. Brilliant idea.
Thanks for reading everyone. Vote to see some high Disney quality at it's best.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V