Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
No review or anything, I just wanted to celebrate the Halloween season with a nice little pin-up. Doing it I realized that JLCM needs a larger cast. The two on the left are my friends Grace and Cameron as the twins from
The Shining (actual costumes from last year. VERY freaky). And as near and dear as they are to me, they've only been in one strip. Have to expand the cast. That's my goal for 2006.
This Halloween I rented a slew of movies to watch during the week and celebrate the holiday in style. In no particular order:
Friday the 13th It's been years since I've seen this movie. Good old fashion horror at it's best. It doesn't have the flash and slickness of your modern day horror movie, but that somehow makes it scarier. Like it could really happen. Shudder.
Jason X. That's right ? Jason in space. Why not ruin the good name of Friday the 13th by viewing its sci-fi bastard stepchild. I've actually never seen it, but how bad could it be? Besides I love the idea that some writer got really high, wrote the most insanely absurd script he could imagine, and was able to find the one producer who was also really high, and willing to green light it. Do you know what the chances of that are? About as high as? well, the writer.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the remake). Ok, it is the remake, but I've never seen it and I'm really curious how it holds up. Of all the movies I rented this one I'm afraid to watch the most. The possibility of creeping me out to the point where I pause it and turn all the lights in the house on, is the highest. Say what you want about it not living up to the TCM tradition, but a scary movie is a scary movie. Period.
I'm worried this movie will make me afraid of road trips, and the south. Hillbillies are a terrifying thing, because they're dangerous, unpredictable, and real. Up north we don't have anything like that. Yuppies maybe. We've got sasquatch, and he's cool and all, but I'm assuming he's pretty easy to avoid. Damn hillbillies. I'd be worried about a backlash but I know they're not reading, they ain't got computers! I'm kidding guys, relax.
Mind Hunters This is a movie that came out in the spring about FBI profilers left on an island and they just start dying. But which one is the killer!? Sort of a 10 little Indianans thing, which I love. I actually watched this one this afternoon and loved the first 2/3rds of it. I felt like the ending was sloppy and unsatisfying. Not enough solid clues. No great montage revealing the killer and the motives. For a movie so focused on understanding your enemy it did a bad job of actually using that to solve the puzzles.
It's the sort of thing where you enjoy the set up, but the reveal is so disappointing that it makes you hate parts of the set up you found so interesting. Eh, what can you do?
Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone. Not a horror movie at all, but I needed to watch it for JLCM. I'm gearing up for the Goblet of Fire by rewatching the first three movies. It'll help the review, if anything, and I have some plans where it will come in handy.
North by Northwest. I love this movie, and it's been a good while since I've seen it. TCM did a Hitchcock marathon all last week. I taped North, and Strangers on a Train. North is the kind of movie where I can take the night off, snuggle up with Yeo and just be flat out entertained by it. We'll probably make that happen this weekend if time allows.
There are some real movie reviews on the way though. I've seen Zathura and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and I should have the reviews up before the weekend if I can. Oh, and I've started a new month long theme for the voting incentive over at the Web Comics List. All month long I'll be revealing the alternate ending to your favorite movies. Simply cast your vote every weekday to see a new movie as it could have been. Go here on the pimp boards for all the details. Instead of a Halloween incentive today you'll get the alternate ending to Batman. Enjoy.
Have a happy and safe Halloween week. The holidays over, but the crazy people are still out there!
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V
