Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Waiting?
Released: 10/7/05
Viewed: 7:40pm 10/7/05
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Justin Long, Anna Faris, David Koechner, Luis Guzman, Chi Mcbride
Directed by: Rob McKittrick
At one point in our lives most of us have worked in the service industry. Waiting tables, packing groceries, running registers, collecting tolls? Most of us have dealt directly with the customer. If you've done that and hated it, then you can certainly appreciate a movie like Waiting? it's brilliant in it's overall appeal. Combine that appeal with slackers that look like heroes, real world problems, work place antics that are as insane as they are unsanitary, and the "show me your penis" game, and you're left with a disturbingly pleasing movie.
First and foremost it's funny as hell. You've seen the commercials, they give away a lot there, but it all plays out very well on screen. Working as a waiter/waitress is a very specific situation so you get some jokes centered strictly around it. A few are very obvious, and I thought to myself "Some guys been waiting a long time to tell that joke." But by merely collecting this group of people together in one place you're sure to up the funny a little. I dare you not to laugh when Dane Cook says, "Welcome to Thunderdome, bitch."
But the jokes that are developed throughout the movie have a better overall impact. The biggest and most shocking example is the penis game mentioned above. I won't explain the game because I couldn't give it the same justice the movie does. They take about 20 minutes on and off to explain the ins and outs of this game and every second of it is a see saw ride between "I can't believe what I'm hearing" and "You can't do that on Television!" I mean, "That's the funniest thing I've ever heard." Luis Guzman deserves some sort of perverted Oscar for his explanation of "The Bat Wing".
The rest of the cast is equally entertaining. I'm a huge Ryan Reynolds fan. Honestly if his part was being played by Josh Hartnett I might not have bothered to even see it. Oh, who am I kidding, I could never resist Hartnett. And you've got to love Justin Long. It's his story that gets the most attention. He plays the part of the regretful youth that is fearful of his destiny being stuck in a dead end job. That's the thing, if you're a loser with no real prospects or future, this movie will make you realize it over and over and over again
Other disturbing revelations this movie brings up include ? I didn't party enough in college. Why don't all my coworkers get drunk and do each other everyday after work? If Chi McBride can drink out of a glass that big then why can't I!? And finally, the desperate search to find as many reasons as you can to justify that sleeping with a hot 17 year old is ok. Natasha is WAY to hot.
It is funny but this movie has a major quality issue. The writing and acting are fine but the overall editing feels amateur and sloppy. It's jam packed with unnecessary jump cuts, and one speed up of what looked to be a really great steady cam shot. My guess is that it was to expensive to film to not keep it in the movie, but to lengthy to run at normal speed.
The most glaring problem is background noise. About 15 minutes in I realized that the movie had no soundtrack. Nothing at all. The only thing you heard was the dialogue and any set noise like clinking glasses or opening doors or whatever. It may not sound like a big deal but it was very unnatural. It made the theater seem very quiet. I had a hell of a time silently opening the Skittles I had snuck in. There are moments in the movie where music is used, mostly during montages or party scenes. But the rest of the movie could have benefited from a more substantial use of background noise.
I do have to recommend this movie though. If you're looking to laugh out loud and you can handle really REALLY dirty stuff then go see it for sure.
6 out of 10 An above average comedy that loses most of it's points for film quality. So much is working well in this movie that I have to recommend it, but it just goes to show you that little choices can effect the overall product in a big way.
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DVD worthy?: Definitely maybe. I would want some good extras at a reasonable price. It's a very casual movie that you can just throw on, but I'm still discouraged by the overall quality.
If you liked this movie check out: Office Space
Office Space rules. I'm sure 90% of the people reading this Love the movie own the movie or intend to own the movie when a better version of the DVD eventually comes out. Office Space and Waiting have the same spirit of this sort of ? bare minimum to complete the work, I hat my job but what can you do ? attitude. All the while handling it hysterically. Office space admittedly is better made, with a better concept and ideas and jokes that will stay with you longer. Except maybe the "show me you penis game." That was just nuts. HA! "Nuts."
Trailer Hitch: The Ringer
Johnny Knoxville stars as a man faking retardation to compete in and rig the Special Olympics. Somebody's rolling over in there grave. Probably a couple of dozen people. But going by the laughs this trailer got in the theater this movie is going to do pretty well. Maybe people will speak up and complain a little closer to its release date. People don't boycott movies like they used to. It's gotten to the point where Jodi Foster has to call you a terrorist before people have the balls to speak up.
But this sort of movie is my bread and butter, so there's no way I'm going to miss it, as weird as it looks. There a dance sequence in the trailer that got the biggest laugh of all. A DANCE sequence. Dance sequences are not cool. Remember the cool dance sequence from The Replacements? Oh you don't? Well there you go. Even still, a bunch of people just googled "The Replacements".
Ok if I see the trailer for The Fog one more time, I'm going to punch someone in the armpit. The first time I saw it ? kinda scary. By the 9th time I had become completely desensitized to the entire thing. Why won't it come out and die so I can see new trailers. I've never spoken about the trailer here, but the movie looks like garbage. The trailer itself has 2 redeeming qualities. Selma Blair gets hit by a car coming out of the fog and that does look pretty nice. And then there's Summer (from LOST) walking around in her underwear. I'm sure it'll draw in a lot of the audience. But I'm willing to be they'll be disappointed. Not with the underwear, that's top notch.
Vote today and see how difficult making certain choices can be after seeing this movie.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V