Released: 9/23/05

Viewed: 3:20pm 9/21/05

Starring: Johnny Depp, Hellena Bonham Carter, Emily Watson, Tracey Ulman, Christopher Lee, Richard E. Grant

Directed by: Tim Burton, Mike Johnson

I had a weird roller coaster relationship with this movie. It's been advertised for months so I have had months to get really excited, and then get over it. Then get excited again, and then etc. By the time it actually came out I was beyond being over it. I went today and sat in the theater listening to the Twenty, reading New Avengers and I thought ? "It's really dark in here, and I can barely read this. Why am I here?" I guess you could say that the thrill was gone.

But I still knew that it was a movie I wanted to see. Not just for JLCM, but for myself. I like animation, I like Burton (sometimes), I like Johnny Depp, I like fairy tales, I like long walks in the park? So there I was. And seriously, the movie has enormous appeal. It's going to destroy at the box office. People will flock to this movie like each ticket comes with a free doughnut. Let's take a closer look.

The Depp fans: They'll be pleased that it looks like Depp, but upset that most of his voice over work is yelping and screeching.

The Goths: There's plenty or morbid magical delight. Lots of dead creatures that are well thought out and well designed. Emily the Corpse Bride won't become the symbol that Jack from A Nightmare Before Christmas became, but she will be loved.

The kids and the parents: Obviously it's a little frightening for the little kids, but it's a simple story with a simple message, and it works out as expected. Back in my review of Robots I said that most kids movie just have to follow a simple routine to be effective. This one does just fine. Parents might get a little bored. It has a slow start, but compared to some of the awful movies these poor SOB's have to sit through, this is practically Shakespeare.

The art student: This is a damn good looking movie. When the Bride first appears it's effectively stunning and creepy. There's more then enough to get lost in. Burton's style is all over the place and I personally think that's a good thing. He and his crew have a real imagination for the twisted and disturbed. It just results a visually fascinating environment.

There are a ton of cute dead creatures that were designed to, let's face it, sell some toys. But it's cool. It's fun, and they look great, so I have no complaints. At the end of the day it's just good design.

The Burton fan I'm sure they'll love it. Blind bastards.

Actually it's got all the same charm and emotion you'd expect from a Burton film, and you'll find the same comforts of Elfman's music which is the most welcome thing. As much as it sounds like a lot of his other work, the music is just comforting. It helps to ease you into the movie, for sure.

The necrophiliacs.: Hell, between this and Just Like Heaven this is their best week ever. They'll be thrilled. For a dead cartoon, the bride has legs for days.

The story is solid, actually much better then expected, and the music is catchy. Thankfully it's also used sparingly. There's as much dialogue as there is music. A song is nice, but too much is too much. But as good as it was I didn't love it. I wasn't enchanted or goose bumped at all. Performances were average. Only one person really stood out to me and that was Richard E. Grant who plays the mysterious stranger Barkis Bittern. He was great. Really creepy and charming, or as much so as the voice of a lump of clay can get.

5.5 out of 10 I just don't have the heart to give it a better grade. It's not like my expectations were especially high or low. The campaign blitz helped to wash me over. But it just never grabbed me and got me interested. Even during a pretty cool swordfight at the very end, I was wondering how the New Avengers ended. But it's a cool movie, with a solid premise and execution. Worth seeing, but not worth freaking out over. .

DVD worthy?: Nah, I'd never watch it.

If you liked this movie check out: The Nightmare Before Christmas.

There are a lot of movies I could try and match up by theme, but because of the style of production and design, no other movie comes to mind faster then Nightmare. I wasn't a huge Nightmare fan. I appreciated it for what it was ? a fine animated film with a sweet story. But it didn't really blow my mind. The songs are catchy, and the design is inspiring, but I just wanted more. Still it's worth watching.

Trailer Hitch: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Let me say that I do not read the Harry Potter books, but I love the movies. Some are obviously better then others, but I find that the three that have been released are good fun, and I look forward to seeing them all come to life. The trailer for Goblet of Fire is good, but it didn't fire me up the way the trailer for Azkaban did. To be honest it's going to be tough to top that movie. I think between story and tone and effects it was the most successful so far. And it was just a great movie. If they can beat it, I'll be impressed.

Sadly, the kids are getting older. Faster in fact then the kids in the book, so it's possible that this core group may be out after this. It would be nice to see the series finished with these kids, but ? the books aren't even finished, and they would have to start filming them back-to-back. Not always the best thing in the world. Regardless the movie will be huge and I can't wait. I'm sure the same fun and adventure are in store.

Even though the Secret Tales of Super Hero Virginity. has been consistent this month every time you vote, the strip and review have not updated often enough the past 2 weeks. I have good excuses, I swear! Primarily, last week I was in Baltimore for the Baltimore comic con where we had a table and sold stuff. It was fun. We do tons of shows. An updated list should be put up at the end of the year, so if you ever want to meet me, consult that list. I'll shout out when it goes up.

So that con really slowed the movie going process down. The other major delay I put on my guest week at Joe and Monkey. Such a fun strip to sub for. It's still running, but all the work is done. My focus now is seeing movies, drawing comics, and learning to juggle. Wish me luck!

More news soon including, Crappy Movie T-shirts, and shout outs to some cool people I met at the Baltimore con! WOO!