Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Released: Made in 03, but not released in the US until 2/05
Viewed: 4:40 pm 2/23/05
Starring: Tony Jaa, Petchtai Wongkamlao, Pumwaree Yodkamol
Directed by: Pranna Rittikrai
There were no questions about what this movie really was. I wasn't going in looking for hearty laughs, emotional swells, or groundbreaking filmmaking. I laid down my $10.50 to see the heavily hyped "no stunt double" action of Tony Jaa. And he doesn't disappoint. He's amazing.
Amazing the way Jackie Chan can be. Think back. You remember sitting in the theater, watching Rumble in the Bronx for the first time and just thinking "How is this guy doing this? What the hell's he going to do with that ladder!?" Same thing with Jaa. From running on top of a crowd of people's heads to a twenty minute fight scene that never let up, this guy is the real deal.
The story was thin but that was expected. Jaa's character Ting is off into the big city to retrieve the missing head of a town statue. We get shades of "Fish out of water" storytelling, but not so much that it gets annoying. This man has a purpose and nothing can stop him.
Ting is the ideal superhero. He's the perfect weapon with no flaws and high morals. He's the sort of guy that would fight not for money, but for the honor of a woman. He was almost too ideal though. Modern heroes have to be flawed. This guys biggest problem seemed to be that he could only get 8 feet in the air with that flying knee move instead of 10 feet. Still pretty bad ass.
The film is really great looking and fast paced. But there are moments within the fights that would often slow things down. On some major stunts, including a chase scene where he jumps over and slides under cars, we would see the stunt, and then see it again from a different angle. Sometimes a third.
That's all well and good. I find different filmed angles fascinating, but it's really more of a thing that should have been included as an option on a DVD. Spliced into the movie it really takes you out of the moment. Nothing slows down a chase worse then watching something you just saw. It became more of a gimmick then actual storytelling. Of course there are a few moments where it works really well. Like this crazy drop kick he does at the end. It was so cool you wanted to see it again.
But the movie fulfills what you want from it. Ruthless action that is pretty well filmed. Cookie cutter storytelling that allows this action to take place, and some decent chuckles courtesy of Petchtai Wongkamlao, who plays George, Tings guide in the big city. This movie won't change your life, but it will be a good time.
6.5 out of 10
DVD worthy: No. While it's a lot of fun in a big crowd and on a big scale, it feels like it would be played out on DVD.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V
