Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Spawn Reboot
The Official Site of Spawn
Discuss Spawn on the boards!
For one reason or another Spawn is getting a reboot. That is, it would be, if it were up to the man that created the iconic 90s anti-hero. Todd McFarlane, who rose to fame as one of Marvel’s wonder boys making Spider-man THE book to collect before branching off and co-founding Image Comics where he created Spawn, has a new vision of his creation that he’d like to bring to the big screen. But is that something that people are really clamoring for?
When the first film hit theaters it was at the height of Spawn’s popularity. He was making giant capes and ridiculously heavy chains standard dress in dance clubs and comic book stores all across the country. Underneath the expensive wardrobe was a great story about revenge, redemption and moving on. Well, in theory it was there. The longwinded comic got boring - FAST. Most people I know dropped the book before the major arcs actually played out. That thing was all over the road. Don’t get me wrong, I love Cerebus as much as the next guy but why does he show up before the book passes issue 10? A walking talking aardvark couldn’t have really been pushing the story along.
As far as I remember the movie doesn’t get things any better. It’s been years since I’ve seen it though. I remember that horrible giant demon that looked like he was covered in pubes more than I do any precious plot points. I should really give the movie a second chance though. If only it were easily available. Like on Youtube or something.
Oh man… the first thing you see is a dove fly out of hell. Stop right there! That sums up the WHOLE movie.
The original film was flashy, taking advantage of the latest visual effects of the time to great and “clip art of a dove placed over stock footage of fire” affect. With his revamp it seems that McFarlane would choose to focus on the character more which I think is a great move. To MTV he described his vision as “The Departed with something lurking in the shadows.” As stupid as that sounds when you first read it, it may be the fresh approach that this character needs. Not that they should abandon effects or capes completely but a little reality could ground these characters and this world in an amazing way. We’ll see if this can leap from rumor to reality any time soon though.
We’ve been discussing the Spawn reboot on the boards since the news first broke a couple weeks ago. Feel free to stop by and add your two cents.
I’ve gone a little online polling-crazy (which sounds totally gross) this week. Forgive me this little indulgence. I like the instant connection to you guys. Plus I figure, the better I know you, the better the comics will be. Today’s is a direct question about how much we really need a new Spawn movie. I’m personally all for giving Spawn and McFarlane a second chance but I also supported both Punisher reboots
I like to imagine that Irv is a Chekov freak. Ever since hearing me talk about Chekov possibly getting his own spin off he’s become obsessed with everyone’s favorite Russian Star Fleet member. It’s not true but I needed him to be pissed off for the comic. Besides, is a Chekov spin off really so crazy? I mean they gave Deadpool one right?
Earlier this year a guy named Kyle sent me an e-mail asking me if I’d do a pin-up for his book about a blind American hero that wakes up in a bizarre, unrecognizable future. I asked him for some reference and background on the story and he sent me a pdf. of the first 5 chapters of the book. It was… insane. But in a good way. Like Captain America if he woke up a few hundred years too late and wasn’t afraid to crack a few necks to make his point. This book is called The Red Eye and is now up for sale.
For whatever reason, be it the unique twist to the man-out-of-time scenario or even Kyle’s wicked Mignola-like artistic style, I was very taken with The Red Eye. It must have been apparent to Kyle because he came back a couple months later and asked me to write the forward to the book. It’s as glowing as the first part of this paragraph but something like 7 paragraphs longer. Either way this full color 146-pager is a fantastic adventure that is very much worth your time. Pick up a copy on line now or come to Pittsburgh Comic Con in the fall where you can meet Kyle in person and then swing by my table where I’ll do a bonus little sketch of The Red Eye for ya.
Thanks for stopping by… even for a Spawn joke. You’re good folks.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V
