Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Push
Starring: Chris Evans, Dakota Fanning, Camilla Belle, Djimon Hounsou, Cliff Curtis, Neil Jackson, Ming-Na
Directed by: Paul McGuigan
Summit Entertainment
The Official Site of Push
Discuss Push on the boards!
Since the beginning of World War II the ruling powers of the world have been experimenting on individuals determined to have psychic potential, (psychics, telekinesis, clairvoyants) all in hopes of enhancing their abilities and using these super soldiers to make the world a better place (Or at least a place where people can turn off the light without getting out of bed.) This is what we’re told in the opening credits of Push, an action-thriller that pits good-looking people against each other in a series of power trips and head games.
After a secret drug to amplify these brainy powers is created and its test subject goes missing, we’re introduced to two 2nd generation kids with gifts of their own (Chris Evans can move thins with his mind, Dakota Fanning can see the future and wear ridiculously short skirts for someone her age) that find themselves sucked into the hunt by the prophecies of their parents. These two rookies, still struggling to understand their powers, gather a group of similarly gifted people to help them find the missing subject and take down the evil corporation responsible.
Each character has a reason to go after the agency behind the drug, be it saving a loved one or just good old-fashioned revenge, and for every reason there’s a new power to explore. Casual moviegoers that haven’t really embraced the recent pop culture boom of super powered people running all over their TV and movie screens may get lost in the parade of mind-readers and prophets, but it’s in using these characters and their gifts to their fullest where Push really shines.
The film doesn’t shy away from exploring what these powers can do both alone and in unison. We’ve seen these tired old tricks in action a dozen times before but Push finds a way to use them together that kept me both guessing and entertained. At the same time this is really a film more about the wirework then it is about staying one step ahead of its audience, so don’t worry too much about getting lost.
We’re all there for the action anyway, right? As much as I love a good twist or clever use of a character’s ability to see through time by smelling someone’s toothbrush (Yeah… totally weird, but it works well within the context of this bizarre new world), it was the rainbow sparkled punches and image of Chris Evans being pinball-bounced off the walls by a telekinetic baddie in the film’s trailers that sold me my ticket. Push boasts a few cool action sequences that included hovering guns and screaming banshees powerful enough to make a fish explode but it feels like it never goes big enough. Even in the film’s finale, when the cries of an epic villain make the walls tremble around him, we see the force of his power not in the toppling of a structure of steel and stone but bamboo and string. It fit the beautiful Hong Kong setting but was somehow a little anti-climactic and visually plain.
Push feels as if it’s building towards something it never truly reaches. A collection of nice ideas, some that reminded me of stronger films (this thing has pieces of The Professional, The Fifth Element, Jumper and on and on) but nothing of its own worth remembering. The anti-climactic build up combined with the film’s refusal to clean up a key story line or two, just reeks of a desperate plea for a sequel.
Rating: 6.5 out of 10 - An 11 million dollar box office all but shuts the door on any dreams of a Push franchise… unless of course it can find some love on DVD. Anything is possible right? And it’s not like Push is unwatchable. I’d go as far as to say that if you like this sort of thing, if you’ve been able to stomach 3 seasons of Heroes and not cut the chord, then Push should be a nice night out for you.
There was a time where I know a movie like Push would make its way into my DVD collection where it would rest comfortable between B-grade action classics like Next and Shooter, but (as much as it pains me to say this) in these economic times, leaving Push in stores is an easy sacrifice. These days where people are tightening their spending and watching every penny, there’s no way a movie like Push will stand out next to smarter, more satisfying films of its kind like Iron Man or The Dark Knight. Once I win the lottery though…
Headbutts are totally back. Seriously. Tell a friend.
The Fifth Element - Push feels like a collection of different ideas from different movies and of them, the easiest for me to recommend is The Fifth Element. The connection, I’ll admit, is a little weak – both films feature multiple groups trying to track down a mysterious girl that holds within her great power – but it was enough for me to be reminded of it while watching Push.
The Fifth Element has its issues, I won’t fight you on that, but I really enjoy the film. Great action, solid idea and a fun tone throughout. We’ve been treated to a number of sci-fi space adventures since the green screen has been invented and while The Fifth Element is far from the best of its kind, it managed to carve out its own niche and become original in a genre that was in need of a fresh perspective.
I’m still in a bit of a fog from last weekend’s trip to New York Comic Con. I’m terribly bad at wrap-ups so I’ll just say that I had a great time, the WatchmenPush is now up and done with and by the end of the weekend that Wanted review will be written as well as one for Underworld 3 which I managed to catch during the week. Hang in there. In the coming weeks there should be plenty to read. I hope. I’ve gone and jinxed myself haven’t I?
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V