Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
The Top 10 of 2008
I thought that it’d be best, before getting right to my top ten list, if I spent a little time talking about the process I used to put the list together. Feel free to jump on ahead to the easy to read numbers but explanations as to why some of your favorite slum-dogging or Iron-manned movies might not be on there is going to be explained right here.
When making a top ten list I always seem to hit the same dilemma. Do I choose the 10 best films of the year in my opinion or my favorite 10 films of the year? For instance, I recognize the measure and achievement met in films like Slumdog Millionaire or WallE and I respect them as films… but I wouldn’t count them amongst my favorite movies of the year.
What I found is that… you guys already know what the best movies of the year are. If you came here to read my thoughts then I might as well share with you the 10 films that left the biggest impression on me, even if they aren’t the usual suspects. You’ll find of few of them floating around in there somewhere though. Let’s get on with it.
#10: The Wackness - A true tale of love - even if it isn’t of one that’s true. The Wackness takes place in the magical year of 1994 focusing on a boy that cares a lot more about the birth of hip hop then the demise of Kurt Cobain. In this time when the grandest gesture of friendship involved making a mix tape we see a lonely New York teenager take a shot with the girl of his dreams and make an unlikely friend in her father all in the humorous haze of drugs and classic Biz Marquee. The Wackness is a beautiful reminder of how important nostalgia and “trying to be cool” can be.
#9: Man on Wire - Somehow, the story of a man and his dream to tightrope walk between the Twin Towers turned out to be the most compelling and electric crime caper of the year. All without a villain, a jewel or a getaway. Man on Wire is a true tale of passion that is an absolute must see.
#8: Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist - Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist terrifies me. On the surface anyway. With its hip young cast, indie soundtrack of bands I’ve never heard before and its promises of first love and that one perfect night, Nick and Nora is a bitter reminder of a time and place long since past. It’s a drunken call from an ex-girlfriend, a Facebook friend request from a kid that beat me up in 4th grade, the sharp sting of fear when I see a group of undesirable youths loitering next to my car at all hours of the night. It terrifies me because it reminds me that I’m old and my days of first kisses, wild young adventures and loitering outside next to some old dude’s car are long gone.
I may be too old for this movie but I don’t care. It’s sweet and adorable and infectiously fun. Sure I’d love to be 19 again, an art student in New York City with no money wondering if tonight would be the night that the beautiful Asian girl who’s name I could barely pronounce would finally look my way. But my life ain’t so bad these days. And at least I’ll always have the memories.
#7: Defiance - The year’s last big surprise, an unexpectedly powerful and vicious tale of survival that hits every emotional note to perfection. When the last thing we thought we needed was another tale of World War II woes, Defiance switches settings and makes familiar themes of community and preservation sing like they haven’t in years.
#6: The Dark Knight - Whatever your expectations were, The Dark Knight is either something else or something more. As much as they leaked out to us through hidden video clips or staged campaign rallies for fictional candidates, what you've been exposed to only scratches the surface of what the movie has in store. The Dark Knight is a gritty take on crime and character spotlighting three leading men of varying degrees of freakiness. It has a complex story filled with difficult choices, love, violence, and yes - the best portrayal of any Bat-villain ever committed to screen.
#5: The Wrestler - I was surprised at what The Ram found when he retreated into a life without wrestling. It’s nice when a movie that should be so predictable can offer up a few nice surprises, even if they are uncomfortable ones. The result is a rewarding look at a very complicated individual who offers us either hope for the future or confirmation that we’re wasting on our lives. Either way that’s a pretty powerful stuff from a movie about a man that wears tights and play fights for a living.
The Wrestler is arguably the best movie of the year. Even though it didn’t quite deliver the emotional impact I was expecting I can’t think of one thing fundamentally wrong with it. Aronofsky unleashed this masterpiece out of nowhere and delivered us a series of comeback stories we didn’t even know we were looking for.
#4: Speed Racer - There’s nothing that I could say here that would justify to most folks putting Speed Racer on my top ten list, let alone this high on the list. I might as well have put The Cone Wars up here and erased all credibility. At the very least though I’ve got you curious about what monstrosities await you in the remaining positions, because if a movie like Speed Racer (a visual assault of color, light, imagination and awesome, by the way) can crack the top 5 then ANYTHING could be in the top spot.
#3: In Bruges - When I first heard about In Bruges I cringed at the thought of watching two hitmen suffer through the least interesting part of any big hit – laying low. The idea of them hiding out in picturesque Bruges similarly offered no good will. This foul-mouthed, exploding head surprise of a film with sexy drug dealers, racist dwarfs and Ralph Fiennes at his most hilariously grim managed to be the biggest and most welcome surprise of the year.
#2: Doubt - In a year of films that failed to impress, Doubt was the first film of the awards season that I felt lived up to its hype. There were a few others but this stage-to-screen adaptation about the allegations of inappropriate behavior in a 1960s Catholic school delivered exactly what it promised and exactly what I was looking for.
With powerful performances from the entire cast centered on focused debates in simple settings, writer/director John Patrick Shanley effortlessly brought the play to the screen creating an intimate setting for powerful people to wage war. While it comes in at number 2 on my list of favorite films I feel that Doubt is the most complete and satisfying film of 2008.
#1: Forgetting Sarah Marshall - This story about a man fleeing to Hawaii to get over his one true love may not be the best movie of the year but it is certainly my favorite. I guess I’m a sucker for a good laugh, a tropical backdrop, vampire puppets, British bad guys and an adorable set of leading ladies. Mostly it’s the vampire puppets though.
The Runner-Ups
While I wasn’t particularly blown away by the quality of the big Oscar bait films of the last quarter, I have to admit that this list of 10 was still somewhat difficult to put together. I guess I imagined that there would be more room to celebrate some smaller films or put in some reliable favorites and guilty pleasures. As it is I had to push out a few favorites to make room for the cream of the crop.
Iron Man - Iron Man is pound for pound the most fun comic book movie of all time. Perfect casting, perfect pacing, a somewhat difficult third act of action, but still an absolute blast. It perfectly captures the tone that Spider-man came so close to without getting wrapped up in all the melodrama. Iron Man will be the light action benchmark for at least a decade.
Let the Right One In - The only thing worse than another World War II movie is another Vampire movie (Hey! Vampires in World War II… let’s make that happen) but this Swedish import about two kids striking up an unlikely friendship managed to find a drop of originality in a sea of the same old thing. It pains me greatly that it didn’t make the cut.
Wanted - At the turn of the summer Wanted was my favorite comic book adaptation of the year. It brought out completely different emotions and reactions than Iron Man and The Dark Knight were bale to and I cherished that. As the movies were released on DVD and I was able to revisit each of them I found certain strengths in The Dark Knight that made it rise to the top. Wanted’s message of taking control of your life and doing something… anything… is so singular and strong, yet most people walk away from it just wanting to hit their boss in the face with a computer keyboard. Both good things in their way.
So there’s the list - like it or lump it. Either way I invite you to share your own lists on the boards. The beautiful thing about a top 10 list is that no two persons’ list is going to be the same. I’d love to hear yours so that I might be exposed to films I’ve not had a chance to and in reading mine I hope you’ve found a couple of movies to add to your list of “must sees”
I admit that I find a great amount of shame in not having had a chance to review many of these movies. The excuse given in the strip is accurate. There’s always this pressure to move on and I never want to do a disservice to any movie by rushing through its review. Perhaps it’s time to address some of these films though. What I’d like to do is dedicate one update per week on completing comics and reviews for the remainders of my top ten list. To make it more fun I’ll leave it up to you guys to decide which one comes first. Head over to the board and vote for which of the remaining films you’d like to see comic’d and reviewed for next Monday. Before you know it we’ll get this mess cleaned up.
That’s all for now but I’ll have a review for My Boody Valentine up in no time. If you just can’t wait, head on over to this thread and get a sneak peek at an edit version of the review and a poor man’s 3-D image. Thanks for reading!
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V