Go to the first strip Previous Strip   333 of 830   Next StripGo to the most recent strip
Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

Go to the first strip Previous Strip   333 of 830   Next StripGo to the most recent strip
Direct link to this strip

Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

21

Starring: Jim Sturgess, Kevin Spacey, Kate Bosworth, Aaron Yoo, Liza Lapira, Laurence Fishburne, Jack McGee, Josh Gad, Sam Golzari

Directed by: Robert Luketic

Sony Pictures

The Official Site of 21

Discuss 21 on the boards!

“Winner winner chicken dinner”. I’d never once heard this expression before seeing the new blackjack thriller 21, but apparently it is as synonymous with the game as doubling down on 11. And you always double down on 11.

Free chicken isn’t the only thing I didn’t know about blackjack going in, but that didn’t stop me from having a blast watching this sleek tale about a team of math geniuses from MIT that beat the system to win hundreds of thousands of dollars playing blackjack in Las Vegas. As thrilling the film would have been if it were just a piece of fiction, you’ll see it completely differently once you find out that this big money adventure is based on a true story. (Sort of - Scroll down to the JLCM Book Club section bellow).

To the team that took down Vegas, counting cards (a completely legal method of play, by the way) was a business. They lived in a world of hand signals, anonymity, disguises, secret identities, fake I.D.s, fake accents and piles of real money. (Well… hunks of plastic that can be exchanged for real money.) 21 quickly becomes a story about duel lives. A story about what happens when the mathletes become European royalty or Internet millionaires or well-to-do southern belles.

We see this first-hand follow the story of Ben Campbell (Jim Sturgess) a promising young genius desperate for a way to pay his way through Harvard Medical School. He’s also the latest member to be recruited to MITs secret card counting (completely legal) club, a position he’s reluctant to take until he sees the quick fix. “300,000 for school and then he’s out.” Yeah, sure.

The secretive (but law abiding) club was founded and run by teacher turned profiteer Micky Rosa (Kevin Spacey) who guides from the sidelines, teaching them the secrets of counting cards but never playing himself. Rosa is charming and engaging. He’s the cool teacher whose praise and approval you study just a little harder in hopes of earning. At the same time, if you cross him he’ll snap. Chew you out and cut you down at the drop of a hat right in front of your best friend and the girl you’re trying to screw, all while eating that chicken dinner you won earlier.

It’s a wonderful character and a nice subtle performance from Spacey who brings a great sense of force and mystery to the role. The reason why Rosa never plays cards does come into question in 21. After all, he is taking the bulk of the winnings for training and orchestrating his baby geniuses. Eventually it’s explained, though it should become obvious what’s going on once you meet the competition…

And what kind of movie would it be though without someone trying to ruin their fun? Enter Laurence Fishburne and Jack McGee as old school P.I.s fighting to stay afloat against a tech savvy world of modern surveillance. They have years of experience monitoring the casinos on intuition and gut instincts spotting cheaters, (counting cards isn’t illegal) but they’re loosing contract after contract to face recognition software and microscopic digital video. They are dinosaurs that can’t compete with advanced technology and you better believe they’re going to take it out on the poor sons of bitches they do catch.

The pair brings a great sense of danger to the film that a lot of people already associate with Las Vegas. You know the deal. We’ve all seen Casino. The Corleone family didn’t move back to Sicily, they went to Nevada. Fisburne and McGee make sure you feel the threat of a back-room-beat-down and it feels authentic (Even if card counting isn’t illegal).

There’s a story (possibly a rumor as it’s just retold from one character to another) in the book about one of these encounters where the tough guy casino employee brings a counter to the backroom. Looks him over, shows him a 500 dollar chip and says, “How many of these have you eaten up over the last 2 years?” after a moment he grits his teeth, smiles and says, “Well tonight you’re going to eat this one.”

This story, even though it’s more than likely just a cautionary tale to make sure no card counter who’s busted (even though he’s within his legal rights) ever agrees to go to have “a little talk” with casino security, shook me in my pajamas. Not so much the continued part of the story about the 500 dollar hunk of purple plastic getting momentarily stuck in the guys throat, but more so the thought of its journey out the other end. That must have been a hell of a weekend.

Fisburne and McGee never take it that far but they definitely have the sting and stink of desperate men in the winter of their careers. Fishburne decorates his hand with obscenely huge rings before loosening up a counters face (what he’s doing is illegal. Counting is not). He barks with authority and throws a punch loud enough to make you drop your popcorn. As much as I enjoyed the core group of (totally legal) counters having a blast in Vegas, there’s something so compelling about a man trying to make a point with mob rule. We totally need more Vegas enforcer movies. Amirite!?

So, throughout the review I’ve casually mentioned here and there that card counting, despite many misconceptions, is completely legal. Blackjack works on a system of ratios and percentages and if you’ve got a quick eye and an uncultured mind you can beat the house. Obviously the Casinos aren’t really all about losing the advantage in the game, but the worst they can do to you is ask you to leave.

The only reason I mention this is because 21 features a massive chase sequence through the casino that has the wig-wearing cast ducking between slot machines, knocking over bus boys in the kitchen and splitting up to avoid hotel security. It’s thrilling, exhilarating and… y’know… completely unnecessary.

That was my biggest problem with 21. They invent problems where they don’t have to and they solve them in a very convenient, dying-to-be-clever, desperate-for-a-twist kind of way. The ending is slick and perfect and a little too neat, but this is Vegas. If you’re gonna go out, you’ve got to go out on top! Free chicken for everyone!

Rating: 7 out of 10 - It’s easy to see why 21 bested (or “busted” if you prefer the table terminology) the weekend box office by taking in 23 million. A couple weeks of Horton on top and the adults decided it was time to reclaim the #1 position. 21 is the perfect movie to do that. It’s an exciting story filled with likeable actors, solid performances and the allure of free money. What’s not to love?

In the end I found 21 to be a little too slick, a little too loud, and a little too drawn out to revisit on DVD over again, but I’m sure that’s how many people would describe a night of gambling on the Vegas strip. As long as you’re walking away with something then you’re a winner. In this overproduced and over thought adventure we’re definitely winners but you just won’t realize it until the end. I’m not sure I want to see how the movie plays knowing how things wind up.

This is an unofficial update to the JLCM Book Club because I never formally announce it earlier, but I did recently tear through a copy of Bringing Down the House by Ben Mezrich, the book that 21 is based on.

I think it’s fair to say that it’s loosely based on Bringing Down the House. The only thing the film really lifts are a handful of character names (that were changed for the book anyway) and the concept of a legendary card counting club from MIT. The book follows a similar path but becomes more about dying out as a player. Once you’ve been outted as a counter – you’re done. The team finds themselves blacklisted not just in Vegas but all over the country. At least a third of the book is about recovering, regrouping and searching for new ways to play. Infighting, paranoia and greed tear the team apart and it’s a fascinating story about finding a way back to the tables.

The rise of unknown wiz kids and fall of the famous counters, dodging pit bosses and dealing with the IRS, makes for a terrific read. Their tale is so convincing and real that you’ll be itching to try a little counting yourself… until you get to that chapter about swallowing the poker chip. I’m sticking with the slots for now.

Pathology - All right. So this is what it looks like Pathology is about, but I’m hesitant to say so definitely because it also looks like one of those movies that just dying to turn the screws on you. Anyway… it looks like a team of young, good-looking morgue technicians are playing a game of life and death. Killing the evil people of their city and then testing each other to see how they died. They all want to be the best and they might as well clean up their city in the process. (Isn’t this what Dexter is about?)

Enter newbie Milo Ventimiglia (Heroes, Rocky Balboa) who doesn’t agree with their methods but is forced to play along when they target his girlfriend Alyssa Milano as their next victim.

It’s not a bad idea but I do hope they complicate things a little more than that. Great buzz and strong reviews imply that they’ve taken it a little further.. With a limited release slated for later this month it might not ever be given a chances to perform at the box office, but the trailer looks promising enough to seek it out.

Just Bad

/film is reporting the plans for the latest spoof movie titled Goodie Two Shoes which is setting its sights on spoofing Superbad. It was inevitable of course, and after Superhero Movie I’m a little more receptive to the genre again, but the fact that they’ve already announced plans of including spoofs of Hancock, Sex and the City, The Love Guru as well as looking for look-alikes for Justin Timberlake, Flavor Flav, Paris Hilton (and on and on) just makes me depressed. It’s clear they’re not going to stick with a theme. They’re just going to throw out as much garbage as they can and hope some of it sticks. (sigh)

Stoner P.I.

EW is calling this “perfect casting” after the news hit of Matthew McConaughey being offered the part (nothing is set in stone yet) of Magnum P.I. for the big screen debut of everyone’s favorite mustachioed Hawaiian detective. I’m calling it “weird casting”. Don’t get me wrong – I like McConaughey and he’ll definitely fit in with the sun and surf of the movies setting… I just can picture him with the stache. Joblo.com was good enough to doctor something up but I’m not sold.

Tom Selleck’s mustache is legendary. People write songs about it. Parents tell their children stories about it so they’ll be good boys and girls. Can McConaughey really bring that kind of power and passion to facial hair?

That’s it for today guys, but thanks so much for reading!

Joe Dunn's Facebook profile

Live Journal/Myspace/Rotten Tomatoes/Buzz Comix/Top Web Comics/Comics on the Ipod/The Webcomics List/Online Comics/Wikipedia/Comixpedia/JLCM Map!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V