Starring: Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, Sean Hayes, Beverly Todd

Directed by: Rob Reiner

Warner Brothers Pictures

The Official Site of The Bucket List

I think a lot of us have our own Bucket List. A list of things we want to accomplish before we kick the bucket. It's a nice idea. The movie describes it as an exercise in setting goals. Something to motivate you towards achieving those goals, even if you never ultimately do.

Because the concept is so universal, it makes for a great premise. Throw in a couple of world class actors (Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman) playing two men with less than a year to live, and we've got ourselves a movie! Or do we?

We kind of do. The talent (including director Rob Reiner) involved is impressive, though it quickly becomes clear that they are so impressive not for the work they're doing here but for the work they've done in the past. If only a good resume were enough to make The Bucket List work. Sadly this is just another feel-good-comedy going through the motions. It's never bad, but it never excels beyond mediocrity. It never impresses. That won't bother everyone, but how long can a movie be unimpressive before it actively becomes offensive?

About 20 minutes I'd say. That's about the point where The Bucket List stops being cute and comfortably settles into its formulaic patterns. That's about the point where you'll realize the top notch talent has nothing profound to say and that the only reason you spot the jokes in the movie is not because of how well they're written, but because it says in the scripts that the actors are supposed to laugh at those points. I'm glad someone is getting a kick out of it.

The movie follows these two men as they abandon their lives to complete the list together. Racing cars, trips to exotic green screen locations, and the Metamucil mainstay - skydiving. It sounds like a thrilling adventure but they're having more fun than we are.

Well good for them, they deserve it. Morgan Freeman is a national treasure. This is a man so instinctively compelling that during an interview on Letterman where he was talking about a horse, I literally fell off the edge of my seat. The man is a genius! He should be in every movie on the planet. He makes hoop earrings work on a dude. Johnny Depp can't even make hoop earrings work and he's a pirate. But as great as Freeman is, he's got nothing to do here.

This is the first movie where I thought, "Jack is old". Of course he's old. This isn't a secret, the man has been old for years. In fact he makes a movie every few years playing a man past his prime (As Good as It Gets, About Schmidt, Something’s Gotta Give) to remind you of the fact that he's old. Ironically, with two Oscar noms and one win (As Good as It Gets) he's proving that there's no such thing as "prime". Regardless, this is the first movie where I thought Jack looked his age. Perhaps it was an acting choice to embrace the old age of a dying man. Perhaps he's just really old. Either way, it works for the character and it fits with the movie, but thus ends the complexities of his role.

"Old" is definitely a theme, but couldn't they have cast younger? The core of the movie is the list itself - accomplishing things you never dreamed you'd do or always intended to get around to at some point. The two main characters are forced to rush their list because of their terminal illnesses. Couldn't that just as easily have been two 40-year-olds?

There's something to be said for an old man wanting to embrace life. A man who's spent his years working hard to provide for his loved ones has earned the right to go on one last great adventure. It would be a lot more difficult for the audience to accept a young man spending his last days with anyone other than his family, but an older man, especially Freeman's character has raised his family, loved his wife and earned that time. Besides, when you get Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson agreeing to be in your movie - you take it. The conversation ends there.

Neither actor is bad in the film, if I implied otherwise it was not intended. I just don't think they had anything funny, thoughtful, or heartfelt to say. I found that endlessly frustrating, and hurt my brain trying to appreciate the nuances of their performances where nothing was being said.

I'll say this for The Bucket List, it sure knows how to cater to its target audience. The pacing is such that random naps or emergency bathroom breaks won't affect your comprehension of the plot whatsoever. Which really is a shame because one's last epic adventure should be memorable from start to finish. We should be on that journey with them, but The Bucket List is more likely to give you inkling to nap than a lust for life.

Rating: 4 out of 10 The Bucket List teaches us that every second of life should be cherished, even if you're not particularly enjoying the montage of green-screened backgrounds and empty hearts you're sitting through. And I wanted to cherish this movie. I wanted to feel for these characters, weep along with them, and leave the theater with a new lease on life and a newfound energy to live! Perhaps I set my hopes a tad to high. I certainly won't make the same mistake when I go to see First Sunday this afternoon.

The movie is meant to make you grateful for the life you have left, but even thinking about it makes me feel the sting of old age approaching. A repeat viewing on TV will do nothing but make me an hour and a half older so there's no reason subject myself to buying it on DVD which will also make me 14.99 poorer. You should save that money and use it to buy something that will actually make you appreciate life. Like gum or porno.

About a month ago the trailers for The Bucket List were just beginning to play on television in the New York City area. Yeo and I got to talking about the concept of a Bucket List and what might end up on our wishlist of things we want to do before we die. I grabbed a pen and began writing mine knowing it would spur Yeo to do the same.

I finished quickly, and flipped through the channels waiting for Yeo to flush out her list. She noticed I had finished and I knew she noticed. She wrote faster as she was now eager to see what it was I jotted down as if I had known all along. With an eager giggle we swapped lists and began to go over them. Yeo's read:

1.) OMITTED AT YEO’S REQUEST.

2.) OMITTED AT YEO’S REQUEST.

3.) OMITTED AT YEO’S REQUEST.

4.) OMITTED AT YEO’S REQUEST.

5.) OMITTED AT YEO’S REQUEST.

I read the last one aloud and looked up to Yeo giving me the stink eye. "Very funny.", she said as she flung my list onto the coffee table and slumped back to her magazine.

"What?!", I said. I guess she didn't think I was taking the list seriously because she snatched the list back so she could make sure she was mocking me verbatim. She read aloud,

1. To love and be loved

2. To be a good father

“I'm so sorry that I don't want to OMITTED AT YEO’S REQUEST." I scoffed right back.

For the next 20 minutes I milked that list for all it was worth. After laughing about it for a while she prodded me for my real Bucket List even though I kept insisting that the first draft was the genuine article. Sure it would be fun to sky dive, drive a race car or sucker punch Pierce Brosnan, but when it really comes down to it love and fatherhood is all that really matters. Or all that should matter. But knowing it would drive Yeo crazy just gave me another reason to leave off any other pipe dreams.

The Other Boleyn Girl - Such a clumsy title. "The Other Boleyn Girl". I'm going to call it "Top Slut" instead. Not because of the class and character of stellar cast but because of what they're doing in this movie. Top Slut tells the story of Anne and Mary Boleyn, rival mistresses to King Henry VIII, one of which would eventually become his Queen and the other whom would try to be her savior after the first never bares a male heir.

The casting of Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson is fantastic. We've got two of the most fetching young actresses working today and what's so great is tat they're fetching for completely different reasons. Portman's Anne so commanding and irresistible, Johansson's Mary so demur and sexy. One woman born to be a queen and the other to be a mistress. It makes it easier to choose sides even if we already know which one will eventually win the crown and lose her head.

Beneath the hooker competition Top Slut seems to be a story of sisterhood, which should save the film from being another biopic about some unlikeable power starved monster. But either way I'm looking forward to seeing the performances of the two girls and their King (Eric Bana) as they navigate through some deliciously awkward tension.

See? I told you. In >the last update I told you that you wouldn't be into the next comic I updated and honestly, show of hands, who reading this really cares about The Bucket List? Well consider this week (Alvin and the chipmunks, P.S. I Love You and The Bucket List) the JLCM list of "who could care less". If you dug the comics and reviews I'm really pleased, but I'm eager to move on to movies that we all should find more interesting. Next week you can expect updates for Juno, I Am Legend, as well as a top ten of 2007 comic. It should be a good week.

Another reason to look forward to next week is that we're bringing back Turtle vs. Bunny! A new series begins on Monday the 14th that will run Monday, Wednesday, Friday all through the spring. No hints on what the new arc will be about but expect a big post on Monday.

Thanks for reading and see you soon!