Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer – The Bad Guys
Back on October first, when Fantastic Four 2 was released on DVD I immersed myself in it. To the point where I watched it 6 times in one week and offered up two comics to celebrate the event. While the release of a below average comic book movie might not be something worth calling an “event”, the comic nerd in me was making the most of it and I had a ton of fun that week. I loved it so much that I promised a third comic and rant about the movies poor treatment of its villains. Something I was unable to get to until now. The holiday weekend seemed as good a chance as any to get lost again in the wonderful world of The Fantastic Four.
As for the delay, I don’t know what to say other than the horror movies of October and the holiday onslaught of November got the better of me. But what kind of crappy movie fan would I be if I didn’t return to FF well one last time this year.
So like I said – The villains. Or lack there of if you consider how after setting up the core four and the sparkly new guest star, there was next to no time to really focus on the bad guys. I’m all for putting the heroes front and center, but Galactus and Dr. Doom are pushed so far to the background that it almost becomes a surprise when they pop up.
A lot of the specifics of the characters, including the ones that drove fans crazy, I covered in the full review. Doom on the board, Galacatus as a cloud - I don’t really have a problem with either of those things because both are true (in spirit at least) to the Fantastic Four comics. Crazy stuff like that goes down all the time. And we could nit pick a movie like this to death but what’s the point when in comparison to the source, it’s not so far off.
What bothers me is that neither villain is really featured in the film and the audience is expected to fear something we’ve barely been introduced to. One could argue that the Dr. Doom’s involvement in the first film and that the opening scene of Galactus destroying a planet are proper introductions of what we should expect from each. Technically that’s are true, but not in a movie like this.
This isn’t a psychological thriller or a sprawling drama where baddies can hide in the shadows, building suspense before the big reveal at the end. It’s a comic book movie! Give us spectacular battles and the broad face of evil staring us down and making us shake in our boots! Don’t give us a shiny poet that turns out to be a good guy anyway.
Ok, I’m riffing because the truth is that I’m open to different kinds of storytelling in the comic film genre. Otherwise things will just get stale. But the major threats of FF2 being a distant cloud and a suit of armor is just not enough to really build a threat on. How can an audience be expected to relate to them when we only see them for 20 seconds at a time? We don’t have to understand their perspective or anything like that, but putting a little personality on evil can make it ten times more intimidating.
Still, with all its flaws, I really enjoyed this film. I recommend taking a look back at the earlier review and seeing that I’m realistic about why it sucks, but still lovingly impressed with the big screen version of my all time favorite comic.
Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. I’m using this short write up to get back into the swing of things after my little break. There are a lot of fun movies to cover over the next few weeks and I’m kind of excited to jump in. Coming up later this evening I’ll have a comic and review for Enchanted. A wonderful little romantic comedy with a unique twist that DESTROYED at the box office this weekend (50 million for the 5-fday holiday). I’m sure that Tom, Gordon and I will be discussing it later tonight on the Triple Feature as well as a few of the other major releases this weekend. Be sure to tune in at 10pm EST to participate and listen LIVE!
Until then...
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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V
