Starring: Billy Bob Thornton, Seann William Scott, Susan Sarandon, Amy Poehler, Ethan Suplee

Directed by: Craig Gillespie

New Line Cinema

The Official Site of Mr. Woodcock

This is not going to be a good review. And I don’t mean that in a way that implies it will be negative towards the film Mr. Woodcock. It will be, but I meant it more in that it won’t be enjoyable to write or read. Only because we’ve been here before. We’ve all seen this movie where the oppressive outsider upsets the passive do-gooders life, and no one else can see how evil he is. And we’ve all read the reviews that point out the obvious and dig deep for some nugget of quality. I’ve certainly written that review before. Less than 3 months ago!

It would be one thing if these movies were fun. I wouldn’t mind returning to a familiar formula of movie or review if it was enjoyable, but this is just another comedy that is as derivative and predictable as you expect it to be. Forget the glimmer of hope you sometimes get that what looks awful might possibly have something redeemable in it. Mr. Woodcock is exactly what you think it is.

Billy Bob Thornton stars as the title character, a gym teacher who believes a little name calling and physical humiliation builds character. Just to prove him right, one of his favorite targets, John Farley (Seann William Scott) grows up to be a motivational speaker inspiring people to take control of their lives and “let go� of the painful memories of their past. The two clash again when Farley returns home to find that his mother (Susan Sarandon) is now dating the monster that made him.

It’s actually a pretty good premise, I mean. I can appreciate the comic tragedy in the connection that binds the characters, but the movie’s plot doesn’t seem to appreciate the potential there as much as I do. It instead favors its greatest asset in Thornton who has played this role before to great success. In fact he closed out September last year with a carbon copy of Woodcock, School for Scoundrels. I liked Scoundrels better than Woodcock, but when you combine the two they offer a brutal slap in the face to Bad Santa and The Bad News Bears remake where Thornton really perfected this character type. The character’s funny. It works. But obviously not in every circumstance.

I’d like to say that Woodock at least offers some sort of light-hearted escape from the hustle and bustle of the real world, but if I’m being honest - I was bored. So bored in fact that in the middle of the film, when I had to take a piss, I had no problem leaving the theatre. There was no fear that I might miss something important or funny. For those of you that saw Mr. Woodcock, I left during the scene where Farley visits Woodcock’s ex-wife. Don’t tell me what happens! Not because I don’t want it to be spoiled but because I just don’t care.

Though Scott’s main function in Mr. Woodcock is to serve as the target of Thornton’s attacks, the guy showed up to play and I admire his ability to commit. As a self-help guru Scott embraces the corny, “believe in yourself� metaphors and delivers them with a true sincerity. If he’d gone too big or done it as a character that doesn’t believe his own words, it would have shown through and ruined the character. The audience needs to trust the guy to feel sorry for him, and even if we don’t agree with what he’s saying, you have to appreciate how he’s saying it.

Of course he is the successful self-help guru because of Mr. Woodcock, the evil gym teacher that tortured and terrorized him. The movie opens with, and actually returns a few times to, one of these scenes from the past where a hair-died, airbrushed Thornton teaches a group of terrified children about sports, life and fear. These little vignettes were a great form of storytelling because we have to remember where these characters came from. We need to remember their history, and during a big wrestling show down where we see snippets of young Farley spliced in-between the takedowns of grownup Farley, it really made a difference.

If only the rest of the movie where told with such conscious care. Instead the plot takes a back seat to Thornton’s one-liners, which are the most consistently funny things in the film. But for every chuckle worthy put-down there’s three more that fall flat or just make you hate the character even more. And it would be one thing if we were supposed to hate him but with the way the story unravels there should be some scrap of decency for the audience to latch on to, but as funny as the guy is, he’s a complete jacktard.

But he’s been the jacktard before, and we loved him for it, and that’s why he’s the jacktard again. The point is, you’ve seen this performance before. And you’ve seen it better. You’ve seen this movie before. And you’ve read this review before. I’d like to say that I hope I offered up an original thought or two that shed some light on the movie for you, but can I really expect people to have read this far after telling them in the opening sentence that it was going to suck? If only Mr. Woodcock were kind enough to open with a similar warning.

Rating: 4 out of 10 - Going in I admit that I had some hope for Mr. Woodcock. As predictable as it appeared there was some good buzz and the cast, even though they’ve been through the motions before, is really great. Besides Thornton and Scott who really commit, you’ve got a supporting cast with Sarandon, Amy Poehler and Ethan Suplee who all bring something different and interesting to their parts. I can’t say any of them were bad, but I can say that they brought some good stuff to a movie that just wasn’t going anywhere.

Heavens no! Though I admit that I am curious to see if there's anything in the deleted scenes that's actually funny. But, in watching Scott and Thornton do press for Woodcock you can tell that the two actors like each other, or at the very least they manage to get along. I like that. I like when actors like each other. It makes it feel more real to me. It makes it feel less like people working and more like friends hanging out. That's nice.

Now, that didn't exactly translate to screen in this case, but it shouldn't have because the characters where supposed to hate each other. The point I'm clumsily stumbling towards is that some behind the scenes stuff with them interacting naturally would actually be a lot of fun to watch. Bloopers where they make each other laugh or a documentary revealing that they all got together after shooting to watch American Idol (I swear, it's true. They said so on TRL) would be far more interesting than the finished movie. Things like this endear the actors and the characters to you, and that can change your outlook on the movie completely.

Still no chance of me buying it though.

Mr Woodcock knows its audience. Nearly everything on the official site is crass and offensive and comes with an easy to click button to add it to your web page or download it to your iPod. I just hate to think of how cluttered a 13-year-old's iPod can get with "Make Your Own Midget Wrestling Videos. I made my own, and I found the experience to be racist and offensive. It should have been a lot funnier than it actually is.

Lars and the Real Girl - Finally a movie comes out for weird perverts. Weird perverts with a heart of gold! Ok, Lars (Ryan Gosling) from Lars and the Real Girl, might not be as perverted as you think but when he buys a full size, lifelike doll on the internet and begins introducing her to friends and family as his missionary, wheelchair bound girlfriend, "weird" seems like a good fit.

Off beat comedies like this are usually hit or miss but in the trailer you can feel the heart shine through, and you can see the pure potential for a really entertaining story about a guy struggling to find himself. Still, it's a risky premise that could go either way with audiences. People like weird stories, but there's just as much potential to scare away the normies with something they can't understand. Something they can't relate to.

It all depends on how it's told and that's where I start to get worried. Real Girl is directed by Woodcock's director Craig Gillespie which honestly doesn't give me much hope. I want to trust Gosling's instincts and the brilliantly tongue in cheek trailer that's been getting awkwardly wonderful laughs the past few weeks, but Woodcock was a comical and emotional misfire. And a movie like Real Girl depends on both those things being on target. Cross your doll's fingers and hope for the best.

Still reeling from Ryan Estrada day? If you read more than one webcomic than chances are you caught on to this little event and I have to thank Ryan fro including JLCM and Matriculated on his big day. The two he did for us were fantastic, but I admit I particulerly loved the ones for Butterfly and Starslip Crisis. Ryan really nailed the characters and brought the funny.

Be sure to check out his new project Cartoon Commune where you can get some quality custom work done at REALLY reasonable prices.

So, this week’s Triple Feature lost some steam halfway through and we realized that the shows we've enjoyed the most of the past month or so are the ones fuelled by reader questions. We had some great talks about action films and John Cusack all based off something you guys asked, and we want to revive that. Especially since none of the guys seem interested in the upcoming releases this weekend. So if you have a question you'd like answered about movies, web comics or us personally, please feel free to shoot me an e-mail. Oh, and please include in the subject line "Triple Feature Question". I get a lot of spam and this will help me sift through the junk

Brian Carroll, who had been sitting on on the Triple Feature for the last few weeks has launched his own show, Genrezvolution. He's actually 4 episodes in and I finally had a chance to sit down and give them a listen, and they're fantastic. He and his friend Mike Smith, with their film school perspective offer a lot of great insight on the industry and how it's evolving. Really strong stuff. If you've got some down time it makes for some good radio.