Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Monday morning I woke up to the WB 11 morning news reporting that Emma Watson would not be returning to play Hermione Granger in the final two installments of the Harry Potter franchise. Now, labeling me a Harry Potter freak or even a Harry potter Enthusiast (that’s just “rich” for “freak”) is far from accurate, but I’m a big fan of continuity when it comes to franchise movies. Especially one as big as Harry Potter. So I wasn’t upset, but I was certainly shocked. After all, what did Watson have to complain about? Was she worried about typecasting, was this just a power play so she could squeeze an extra nickel out of her paycheck, was she not happy with the fate of a certain Wizard in the next book? Actually it would turn out to be none of the above. The poor girl is a little busy with a stalker, so she deserves a little time to sign that contract. Hang in there, kiddo.
After scratching my head for a few minutes over her departure, the wheels started turning on what would eventually become this comic. It started out much more simple and to the point. I envisioned a comic with a person just standing there wearing a T-shirt that said, “Good Riddence you F#*cking Mudblood.”, but it felt a little to harsh. I tend to be cruel early in the morning. From there it evolved into a fans complaints and gradual acceptance of her leaving with the punch line being, “at least your replacement has huge cans.”, but I’ve been going a little hard with the boob jokes lately so I knew I needed to mull it around some more.
By the time I arrived to work, British papers online were already debunking the rumor, and it’s for the best that I didn’t base the joke solely around something that would be proven to be false. But I realized this frustrating situation didn’t just apply to this one occurrence, that re-casting roles in huge movies has become a regular way of life. From Bond to Batman we’re constantly seeing new actors in the same parts, and it’s not always a good thing. The extra benifet is that focusing on this allowed me to take a shot at Katie Holmes (Blink if you’re in danger…). How adorable is Suri Cruise though? She looks like Superbaby.
Even though Watson’s situation was dismissed quickly, I felt so strongly about the re-casting issue that I recommended it as a secondary theme to Monday night’s podcast (which you can listen to here. Click Episode 13). It came out really well actually as we included in the conversation other recasting stories like Tobey MaGuire’s recent decision to not be interested in Spiderman anymore.
In comparing Watson and Tobey I think it comes down to the kind of movies they’re making. I hate the idea of anyone else playing Peter Parker/Spiderman because he’s just so good at it. He’s convinced me and I’m comfortable with him in the part, but the truth is, if this third movie wraps up the arc that he, director Sam Rami, and co-stars Dunst and Franco set out to tell, then by all means – move on. Let someone new come in and make a brand new adventure. You’ve helped to lay a fantastic groundwork. Perhaps the best in comic book movie history.
With Watson though, she’s working in a story that has an ending, even if we don’t know what that ending is yet (Harry’s so going to become the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher). So to have her there for the full 7 movies is kind of important in making sure the story and the characters are consistent. You could argue that they made a switch with the character Dumbledore after the death of Richard Harris who portrayed Hogwart’s headmaster in the first two films, (He was replaced ably by Michael Gambon in The Prisoner of Azkaban and The Goblet of Fire), but Hermione doesn’t have a giant beard to hide behind. People are going to notice. The little kids that have grown up with the franchise and looked up to Watson are going to notice. Won’t someone think of the children?
Apparently, part of the reason this rumor started is due to an interview co-star Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley) gave in which he relayed Watson’s distaste at constantly being referred to as “The girl from Harry Potter”. Is that better or worse than “The girl that used to be in Harry Potter”? Thankfully she’s toughing it out and coming back for the full series. You have to respect her concern for being typecast, but she’s young. In time, people will be able to accept her in a different light. Just do what all the other child stars turned serious actresses do to get noticed – Maxim. I’m joking but I guarantee, the majority of people that just read that thought it was a grand idea. Dirty…
I like the Harry Potter movies. As a fan of movies in general I think the world being developed there is one that will influence and entertain for years, so in that respect I feel it’s important to keep it as intact as possible. If worse comes worse – do what you have to keep Radcliffe on board. Other roles can be switched but if it’s 6 movies of one actor and then all of the sudden it’s some new guy with a Scottish accent.. this franchise is going to die faster than Police Academy after Guttenberg left. Trust me, that’s a big deal…
Not really.
For more on the subject be sure to listen to that episode of the Triple Feature (episode 13), or stop by the boards and chime in.
Thanks for reading everybody. Be sure to check out today’s new Matriculated which is strip number 199. I can’t believe we’re almost at 200. It feels like such a long road. It seems like forever since Phil and I launched Digital Pimp with Matriculated as one of it’s featured strips, and now it’s about to hit 200, and we just released the first collection. It feels good.
Before I go - things are heating up over at Turtle vs. Bunny. (For those of you who don’t know, TvB is a comic where a Turtle and a Bunny are running a race and they slow each other down in a very Spy vs. Spy fashion. The catch is that the winner of the race and each updating comic strip is determined by votes from the readers. All caught up?) Tuesday ‘s strip ended with the two characters facing off in the first real confrontation. Who’s going to win in their this head-to-head battle? Well it’s up to you.
But Bunny supporters should be warned… it doesn’t look good. Lee from the band Transmission Fields wrote a theme song for Turtle which can be heard at Turtle’s new MySpace page. That’s going to be tough to bounce back from…
Turtle vs. Bunny updates every Tuesday and Thursday, and come back for more JLCM on Thursday when I’ll be putting up an early review of The Last Mimzy. Bad title, plot holes galore… kind of fun! See you then.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V
