10 on the 10th: Joe’s Top 10 Spy Movies of All Time January 2007
I felt compelled to pay honor to the spies as 2006 came to a close. After all 2006 was a year that was very kind to the world of secret agents. So kind in fact that two of the three Spy movies released this year managed to make my All Time Top 10 Spy Movie List. Thos three movies, Mission Impossible 3, Casino Royale and The Good Shepherd showed us that this genre is stronger then it’s ever been and that silly disasters like last week’s Codename: The Cleaner are only missteps on the road to a very mysterious and secretive era of film.
What’s so refreshing about last years spy efforts is that they were all great but also very diverse. Three very unique and different looks at the similar subject matter. MI:III is all action. Don’t blink or take a breath because if you do, you might die. A very extreme Hollywood look at spies. Royale had the style and class that a lot of us like to associate with the spy world. Something romantic and ideal while not completely ostracizing its target audience by packing plenty of punch. Shepherd took the intelligent approach showing us the spy world from the thinker’s perspective. And while it doesn’t offer as many bumps or bangs as the movies that came before it, it manages to be just as engaging with it’s intense telling of the CIA’s origins.
These three films got me thinking about my favorite spy movies and how different they all can be. There have been some awful ones and some great ones over the years. Here are my favorites:
10. Spies Like Us (Warner Brothers 1985) Remember Chevy Chase when he was funny? When he was really funny, and the only movies he made were good ones? And they were all good. Fletch, Vacation, Caddyshack, and this little spy movie he did with fellow SNL alum Dan Aykroyd.
Spies Like Us, co written by Aykroyd, featured two unqualified bumbling spies sent out as decoys to distract the Soviet defenses. They of course save the day with hilarious results. Spies has a lot of great secret agent reference, though the one joke that always comes to mind when I think about this movie is very un-spy-like. Whenever I picture Chase using eye patches and bandages to help cheat on his CIA exam I can’t help but giggle a little. His timing and performance in that scene alone endeared him to me forever, even as he career faded and star burnt out. 8 out of 10
9. Spy Game (Universal 2001)
Tony Scott takes Pitt, today’s pretty boy, and teams him with Redford, yesteryear’s pretty boy, and makes one of the most compelling films of his career. Scott is known for his larger than life explosions but Game dials that down and manages to capture just as much tension and frustration with the classic good looks and acting capabilities of his seasoned cast.
As Redford frantically works against the agencies bureaucracies that are keeping his protégé in Chinese custody, he flashes through time recalling the story of Pitt’s enrollment and rise through the ranks of the CIA. It’s compelling and smart featuring some very talented people at the top of their game. Their… Spy Game. Too corny? 8.5 out of 10
8. Enemy of the State (Touchstone Pictures 1998) Another masterpiece from the camera of Tony Scott. A little flashier and well polished than Spy Game, but what else would you expect from a Will Smith vehicle? When Big Willie is involved, so is a budget.
Enemy of the State is a movie about how much access the government has. It’s deals a lot with paranoia, “big brother” and privacy issues. This larger concept is fueled by extended and elaborate chase sequences, closer looks at some cool state of the art surveillance technology, and a supporting cast that aches with awesome. Lisa Bonet, Regina King, Gene Hackman, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Seth Green, Scott Caan, and a very squished Jason Lee only scratch the surface of this marquee ensemble. And when you have a gathering this strong, the numbers just add up. Enemy of the State is a top-notch action adventure. 9 out of 10
7. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (New Line Cinema 1997) This comedy classic won the readers vote so scroll on down for the full review. When it won I was originally disappointed but I had a lot of fun over the last couple of days revisiting the gags and one-liners of one of the most comical and quotable films in the last 10 years. 9 out of 10
6. Mission Impossible 3 (Paramount/Cruise-Wagner 2006) Ok, so Tom Cruise’s craziness aside, Mission impossible 3 is one of the best movies of 2006. Just relentless with its action, constantly changing scenery, using new ideas and keeping you guessing all the way through. A lot of people don’t like this kind of experience at the movies but I really fall for a high adrenaline adventure every now and then.
All three MI movies feature different directors and because of that each film has its own individual presence. Especially considering the first two were directed by Brian De Palma and John Woo - two directors with a very distinct style. This third film was directed by theatrical rookie and TV’s current wonder boy J.J. Abrams, who we know from Lost, Alias and Felicity. I think he did a fantastic job bringing his voice to this franchise and really making the movie have its own identity. 9 out of 10
5. The Bourne Identity (Universal Pictures 2002) Matt Damon as the amnesiac government assassin strikes out against the agency that made him the cold-blooded instinctual killer he… kind of remembers. The Bourne identity is a fascinating chase/mystery movie about figuring out who you are and realizing you never want to be them again. Bourne features some of the cleanest and exciting action in years that’s still well grounded in our world. In a car chase through the tight European streets, when the cars collide into each other, instead of instantly bursting into flames like your standard garden variety Hollywood pile-up, they bump and spin and bounce around, dented and disabled but very much not on fire. It’s a little touch but I appreciate their realistic approach on something that is normally over blown. Literally. 9 out of 10
4. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (New Line Cinema 1999) Rarely do sequels to great movies do what they’re supposed to do. A good sequel will be faithful to its foundation and build on it, making itself and it’s lead in better in the long run. This second installment of the Austin Powers Franchise did that in spades. It was true to the spirit of International Man of Mystery, going as far to use the same catch phrases and even similar jokes. At the same time it was able to evolve and change those jokes just enough to become its own. A hairless cat was a funny pet in Austin 1, but when Austin 2 replaces it with a midget clone, I defy you not to laugh.
Site gags, guest stars, and even more characters played by Myers helped to elevate this franchise to a new level. This sequel is less original than it’s predecessor but it makes up for that with nearly double the jokes. If only Goldmember could have taken advantage of that same momentum.
9.5 out of 10
3. Casino Royale (MGM 2006)
10 out of 10 Wow, what can I say about Casino Royale? Well, I’ll have a lot to say in the full review later this week, but this movie was so slick and so well put together that it turned me from someone mildly interested in the Bond character, to someone that eagerly awaits his future adventures. The movie redeemed the franchise and reintroduced it to a world that was ready for that change. This stripped down and simplified movie of the early missions of the classic British spy is an instant classic in ever sense of the word. Needless to say, I believe in the Blonde Bond. 9.5 out of 10
2. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (Miramax/Village Roadshow 2002) George Clooney’s directorial debut adapts the memoirs of Chuck Barris, a TV producer and game show host that claimed to be a hitman for the CIA. It’s a weird and layered trip through the life and mind of a man that’s on the edge of sanity at best. You’ll spend half your time trying to figure out what’s real and what’s imagined as this man teeters between crazy and delusional. This movie completely blew me away and I was dazzled by Sam Rockwell’s vivid performance. From a film snob perspective this is my favorite film of 2002, but XXX came out that year and I refused to choose between the two! 10 out of 10
1. Mission Impossible (Paramount/Cruise-Wagner 1996) There is just something so wonderful about Mission Impossible. Hollywood’s big return to the world of spy movies. And with a big name like Tom Cruise, they managed to make this genre a bankable one again. I know that a lot of people don’t agree with me in thinking that this movie is great. De Palma’s slow pacing and long stretches of silence are on paper a bad combination for a movie that’s climatic scene features a helicopter crashing into a moving train, but for some reason, it just works.
I never saw it in the theater. I remember the first time I saw it was in 1999. It was on TV and I was watching it while I got ready to go to a party. I had to leave before it ended but was so wrapped up in the story that I needed to know what happened next. I ended up going out the next day and buying it. Since then I’ve watched it something like 30 times.
There’s just something so great about the way MI handles the world of spies. Smart, complicated stories with cool gadgets, great characters and tons of stuff going on. Granted, most of it is flashy, over-processed, blockbuster style movie magic, but at the same time, it’s a whole lot of fun. 10 out of 10
WHOOPS!? A month to reflect on the list will often reveal the forgotten movies. Movies that deserve to be up there if not for my bad memory. Here are the movies that would have shaken up the list had I remembered them in time.
True Lies - I can’t believe I forgot True Lies! Someone on the boards pointed it out to me and I’ve been kicking myself ever since. This movie which teams director James Cameron with Arnold Schwarzenegger for a third time is not their best collaboration, but it’s easily their most fun. A fine combination of campy, action, and sexy, True Lies is a movie that belongs in the top ten. Incidentally - it also deserves a better DVD. That thing is bare bones. If this were on the list it would rank just behind Austin Powers in spot number 8. 9 out of 10
Charlie’s Angels - This movie has an incoherent mess of a plot but it also has 3 sexy ladies, a cooler than cool supporting cast and some well conceived action, that make it one of the more fun spy movies of the last few years. It might not stand the test of time, but hot girls kicking ass is always a quality combination. This would have come in just after Spy Games in the number 10 spot. Sorry Spies Like Us. 8 out of 10
On The Fence: There are always films that almost make the list but get bumped for one reason or another. I give you… the runners up.
Spy Kid’s - Spy kid’s is Robert Rodriguez’s in-between kid-targeted project that turned out to be just as good as his films he shows boobs in. Well almost as good. It’s a kid’s movie but it has a great sense of fun and uses a lot of imagination and excitement in relation to the world of spies. A couple of “less than” sequels burned me on the original, but watching it again a few months back proved to be just as entertaining as the first time. 8 out of 10
Guilty Pleasure:
XXX - Sorry. I’m sorry. The X-tream James Bond was really cool to me. Hot girls, big explosions, a plot thinner than Vin Diesel’s hair, but still a lot of fun. I won’t defend the movie to you because it’s almost universally shunned, but I will say that not all movies have to change your life. Sometimes it’s just nice when things blow up. XXX had all the makings of a great franchise but would eventually die under the evil thumb of Ice Cube in XXX: State of the Union. I’m not complaining but I’ll forever be waiting for Vin Diesel to deliver the same kind of cool on screen. 8 out of 10
Just as a warning – the DVD review contains spoilers
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Starring: Mike Myers, Elizabeth Hurley, Michael York, Mimi Rogers, Robert Wagner, Seth Green, Mindy Sterling
Directed by: Jay Roach
1997 New Line Cinema
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery should not be a good movie. At first glance this film that took moviegoers by storm in the late 90’s and had even the lamest people “Yeah Baby”-ing their way into our good graces, looks like a full-blown disaster of a comedy. One that would only appeal to the little kids that don’t really know what “funny” means, and a very specific set of geeks that still quote Fletch Lives.
You’ve got this secret agent who’s supposed to be a smooth ladies man, but he’s fitted with rotten teeth, a bad wig and the wardrobe of a lesbian in a mid-life crisis, that for some reason don’t slow his game down at all. He makes Urkle look like James Bond but he’s still nabbing the top shelf pooty tang 2 movies later. Seriously, even Jay-Z had to work a little to get Beyonce, but apparently all it takes is a couple of potty jokes and a crushed valor jumpsuit. Matching this mess of a character up with the weirdest amalgam of Bond villains ever to appear on screen, and you’ve got a duo that no one should love. Somehow for a brief period around the turn of the millennium everyone was in an Austin Powers fog, watching it endlessly and quoting the thing to death. Come on, everyone said “Shagadelic” at least once. But there’s no reason that should have happened.
Originally it didn’t. Austin Powers was a train wreck in theaters. Audiences weren’t willing to embrace this trippy fish-out-of-water story featuring a hairy foreigner. But if you think about it, this story was really revolutionary filmmaking in that it paved the way for another over-haired, over-sexed, stranger-in-a-strange-land movie. That’s right, if it weren’t for Austin we would have never gotten Borat, so count your blessings that Americans like to laugh at that which they do not understand. Ok, that was a bit of a leap, but it’s true that Powers didn’t fare well in theaters.
It wasn’t until its DVD release and showing on cable that people really started to take notice of how funny the movie actually is. It was a quick hit in the home video market and before you could say, “Do I make you horney?” the sequel was green lit and underway. It’s two follow-ups The Spy Who Shagged Me and Goldmember made a killing at the box office, solidifying this character and franchise as one of the most successful and bankable movie properties running.
But how could something so bizarre be so universally accepted by the masses? Honestly, once you get over the crazy premise and unexpected characters the movie is straight up and down funny. REALLY funny. The kind of funny that bores into your brain and will not go away. That’s why everyone including your grandma quoted these characters until you wished you could cryogenically freeze yourself and be unfrozen in the future when people were over it already. In case you forget that feeling, think about now when you see and old white person say “Fo-shizzle”. That’s the feeling.
The jokes in the movie are part clever and part crude, but they blend together wonderfully. A lot of credit goes to Mike Myers who stars as both Austin and Dr. Evil and brings a lot of comedic skills to the table. Even behind the heavy make-up and costuming both characters wear, Myers’ natural charm shines through and makes them relatable. It really saves the movie.
At first, I wasn’t sure what to think about Myers playing the two largest roles in the movie. On one hand it just looks like he’s a control freak and an egomaniac. But it’s not like he hasn’t done this before. In So I married an Axe Murderer Myers plays himself and his own father, and it’s hilarious. The big difference being that neither character required much make-up, and the father only shows up for a couple scenes. In Powers I don’t think there’s a moment where Myers isn’t featured on screen wearing 20 pounds of make-up and acting opposite himself.
It was a bigger commitment and kind of a hogging of the best roles in the film but looking at it now I can understand why he HAD to play both parts. The movie developed from him. He wrote it and probably pitched it as a complete idea. I can picture him in pitch meetings acting out certain scenes and it going over so well that producers and director Jay Roach couldn’t even envision another actor playing the part. That might not be what actually happened, but when someone is so connected to the material I can understand not wanting to let it go. 3 movies later I can’t picture another performer in either role, even though I’ve seen literally hundreds of impressions of both characters in the past 10 years.
Of course if you’re really bothered by Myers playing dual roles, don’t bother checking out the Austin Powers sequels. Myers keeps taking on new characters, butI can’t fault him for it because the new ones are just as funny and just as quotable as the core two. Still, if they ever make an Austin 4 I half expect that he’ll be playing his own love interest.
Even though I cringe every time someone does an impression from this movie, the movie itself still holds up amazingly well. Every scene is a perfectly timed, perfectly crafted gag in a really well developed story. One’s I’ve seen so many times that they now feel like good friends I haven’t heard from in a while. Is it odd that I’m just as connected with the jokes from this movie as I am with the actual characters? I mean, the “Swedish penis enlarger” bit and the “Mustafa refusing to die” scene are ones I’ve howled at so many times and could recite for you now verbatim. It’s just a string of great comedy.
It would be one thing if the movie was just a bunch of funny jokes but it actually has a pretty solid structure of a story supporting it. A man out of time, confronting a new world while still trying to hold onto his old beliefs. Of the three Powers movies I feel that this one has the strongest core story. The Spy Who Shagged me was funnier but kind of a retread thematically, and the whole “daddy doesn’t care” thing in Goldmember didn’t really work for me as a plot. It’s still funny though.
While this franchise has become old news, you have to remember that in its day these movies were huge. They had a bigger impact on the culture than the politics of the time, which is both funny and scary, but unlike political progress (or regression), the Austin impact was short-lived. But it’s important to note that the films have the same comedic appeal they’ve always had. In watching the movie, the jokes and quotes are just as bizarrely funny and irreverent as they always were. Unless someone is quoting them. That’s just annoying. Fo-shizzle.
Movie: 9 out of 10
Even though we all got a little sick of it, the movie is just as funny now as it’s always been. In fact the break from it over the past couple years just made me realize how much I loved it back then. If you loved the movie once dust it off and give it a spin.
DVD features
Austin Powers features an ambitious set of extras for its time, but feels outdated in comparison to today’s more sophisticated DVD world. There were obviously good intentions behind the text cast pages and spoof comparison list, but does anybody really want to be reading anything off a TV screen besides subtitles? Even the commentary with Mike Myers and director Jay Roach feels rushed and unsure. As if they weren’t really certain what to be doing with it. Some interesting information is revealed but this is obviously a disk experimenting in the early stages of Bonus Features.
Stand outs
There’s a small set of deleted scenes and alternate endings that I enjoyed a lot. It’s clear to see why they were cut but had time not been a bigger issue some of these would have played pretty well in the film. One of them features Rob Lowe in a Hooters restaurant. That’s awesome.
What’s Missing?
I’m a big fan of featurettes and I’d love to see one taking a look at Austin’s impact on society over the years. From merchandising to marketing to bad impressions, there’s at documentary there waiting to happen. Of course people stopped waiting for it 3 years ago when the craze died down, but if another Austin movie gets made, someone should document how bad we freak out over it.
DVD: 4 out of 10
Some nice ideas but ultimately there is nothing here worth revisiting besides the movie itself. If you’re looking for more than the movie alone, hold out for when they whore some super deluxe 10th anniversary disk or something. “The Shagadelic Edition” -shudder-
DVD Worthy?:
That’s a complicated question. The movie is great – no doubt about it, but it’s also a movie I’ve spent a lot of time with. In my college years this movie was playing for what felt like 20% of the time. It was great watching it the past couple of days but it’s not something I need at my beckon call. And if for whatever reason I can’t get through the day without seeing it, I can always dust off the VCR and put my VHS copy in. My, God. VCR’s? What are we, savages?
I felt really bad about this comic because it takes a cheap shot at a movie I really like. I was very careful in the last panel to make sure that Joe’s face comes off as sarcastic and playful instead of someone that’s just being straight up mean. The movie is great so it was hard for me to accept poking fun at it directly, but this joke just came to me and even though I don’t necessarily agree with it, I thought it was funny enough to proceed. I like to think that it’s clear that Joe is joking and Austin gets that he’s joking. I also like to think that I’m friends with imaginary characters, so there you go.
Say goodbye to your favorite super spies as we close out another edition of the 10 on the 10th. Let’s focus now on what’s coming up next month. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I should do next and had some real trouble honing in on one idea. Top 10 Romance Movies because of Valentine’s Day, Top 10 Cusack Movies because of Valentine’s Day, Top 10 Crappy Movies of 2006… I couldn’t settle on anything.
Then the other night I was flipping through the channels and I came across Spiderman 2 on FX. I decided to watch the last 40 minutes of it and really enjoyed it. That train sequence is out of this world! I was also really appreciating the casting choices made in the movie. Molina is a perfect fit for Doc Ock, and Tobey has convinced me that after all the hoopla over the casting of such a specific character, he IS Spiderman. Then J.K. Simmons popped up playing J. Jonah Jameson. He’s flawless. Brilliant even.
The next day someone in our boards was talking about the upcoming release of Ghostrider starring Nick Cage, a less than obvious choice, and I thought about how oddly cast that is in comparison to Spiderman 2 which is spot on. I began to realize that a lot of great comic book films have been cast either really well or really poorly. Then I began to pick out my favorites. So this month’s top 10 list isn’t about romance and flowers and chocolate covered candies. This month I give you my Top 10 Casting Choices for Super Hero Movies. A little weird I know considering I did a Top 10 Comic Movie list last summer, but I feel like this ties in really well with the Ghost Rider release next month and allows me to look at some great performances in some not so great super hero flicks. So let’s have some fun!
10. Chris Evans – as Johnny Storm in Fantastic Four
9. Ellen Page – Kitty Pryde in X-men the Last Stand
8. Alfred Molina – as Doc Ock in Spiderman 2
7. Christopher Reeve – as Superman in Superman: The Movie
6. Michael Caine – as Alfred in Batman Begins
5. Colin Farrell – as Bullseye in Dare Devil
4. David Hyde Pierce – as the voice of Abe Sapien in Hellboy
3. Terrance Stamp – as Zod in Superman2
2. J.K. Simmons – as J. Jonah Jameson in Spiderman
1. Mickey Rourke – as Marv in Sin City
Some of these are a little odd, and all of my choices will be explained next month but I will say that the majority here are based on how closely each were able to bring the characteristics of these characters to life while making it their own at the same time. I choose to make this specific to comic book movies because it narrows the list a little, and I love comic books. And when Ghostrider does come out a week after this is explained it’ll show how well (or poorly) that movie was cast in comparison to some of these.
As always I encourage you to vote and share your own lists in this thread. A big part of the fun with the list is hearing from you guys, so please – speak up. That’s all for now. See you soon.
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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V