Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Mr. And Mrs. Smith
Released: 6/10/05
Viewed: 12:45pm 6/11/05
Starring: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Vince Vaughn, Adam Brody
Directed by: Doug Liman
Do I need to talk about their relationship? Their unofficial relationship. Does it need to effect my enjoyment of the movie? They make a pretty hot couple, and I'm sure the kids would be beautiful. I'm sure if they ever have one, and once she turns 18, and Tom Cruise goes out with her, they would make great looking kids too. But whatever. This movie has nothing to do with Brad and Angelina as a couple.
Ok, that's not entirely true. It pretty much hinges on them being a believable married couple. Estranged, lying and deceitful, sure, but the chemistry has got to be there. And it really is. You feel the initial attraction, you feel each struggle with the realization that the other must be killed. It's just a job. Don't worry, I'm not giving away anything that the trailer doesn't.
At it's core Mr. And Mrs. Smith is about a troubled relationship. About two people that lead secret lives and how it all eventually falls in on itself. What happens after that it the real treasure here. The set up is actually done very well. If the commercials didn't so obviously call them out as hit men you would think he was a cheating loser, and she was a call girl dominatrix. Is that lipstick on his collar. No it's blood, but the questioning could have been there if the media department didn't blow it.
Still, 20 minutes in, you've seen both of them kill someone in high style, and you know where each keeps their stash of fancy weapons. Does anyone need that many grenades? Honestly. Then the secrets get revealed, and you see the cat and mouse begin. For me it lasted a little too long. Liman spends too much time getting through this part of the story. It's all very cool. The elevator, the office escape, the battle in the house? I could go on. But it's all stalled story. Ultimately most of it is important for the development of the characters, but I found myself eager to see how it would be resolved. Would one REALLY kill the other? Why drag it out?
Realizations are made and then it's plot point after plot point revealed. A little easy to see coming, but still awesome, and surrounded by outstanding action and comedy. It's all about the car chase on the bridge. Battling around a minivan all the while discussing the lies they had told each other. It was the high point of the movie in terms of combining great action and the comedic satire. It was the defining scene of the movie for me.
As it winds down you wonder where they could take it? Did the writer just dig themselves a huge hole that they won't be able to get out of. Sort of. It ends, and in those last minutes you go through "I can't believe they're going to die" to "I Can't believe they didn't die" to "How will they survive this." to "There's no way they can survive this.". And that's awesome. When a movie can mess with your head like that it's being done really well. I liken it to an episode of LOST this season. (Sorry for those who aren't familiar.) Basically the leads come across one of the other leads who is dead. You can't believe he's dead. The producers had the balls to kill someone so big! But you're still disappointed he's gone. Then they try and resuscitate him, and you go back and for between ? this will never work, it shouldn't work, what if it worked, I hope it works. It's dizzying.
Great job though. Liman is really stepping up with some great films. I can't wait to see what he does next. Vaughn and Brody also serve excellent purpose here. Vaughn should be in every movie. He's way too cool. And for Brody to take this role as his first real movie gig after his OC success is a really smart way to go. He could easily have taken the lead in some crap comedy, or romantic comedy, or baseball chimp movie. Instead he's taking a small role in a high profile movie with a great director and a great cast. It really gave him the opportunity to do some scene stealing with the big boys. Keep making good choices like this and the good scripts will fall in your lap, Bro-dog. I call him Bro-dog. That's the kind of level we're at
7 out of 10 Looses points for some slight pacing problems. You can guess how things will evolve and that's the problem. You should never be waiting for something to happen.
DVD worthy?:At first I said no, but it feels like it would be a good one to add to the list. Good visuals, and some strong laughs. Angelina is somkin' so that's a plus
Trailer Hitch
John Singletons new outing is called Four Brothers. Mark Wahlburg, Tyrese, Andre 3000, and Garrett Hedlund. A Former rapper, former modle, Hey Ya, and Brad Pitts cousin in Troy. I didn't like Andre in Be Cool, but the others have impressed me before. As has Singlton. He's getting super actiony and less political, but that's cool. I like car crashes.
The plot revolves around the brothers finding and taking revenge on the men that killed their adoptive mother. Good idea. Rehabilitated trouble kids returning to a troubling life to avenge the woman that set them straight. I'm sure that's what she would have wanted? maybe. But whatever, it looks like someone's gonna get shot!
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V