Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
The Departed
Released: 10/06/06
Viewed: 7:15pm 08/23/06
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, Martin Sheen, Vera Farmiga, Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Anderson, Ray Winstone, Alec Baldwin
Directed by: Martin Scorsese
Warner Brothers Official Site of the movie
Warning: I saw The Departed last night as a sneak preview nearly a month and a half before it’s expected theatrical release. It was one of those screenings where they make you fill out the forms afterward saying what you liked and didn’t like, and I took that seriously. I filled it out in detail. Where they asked you to rate each actor on a scale of “very poor” to “excellent”, I would rate them and then make notes. It was cool! I hardly ever get a chance to do this sort of thing.
That said, the purpose of these screenings is not for review, it’s to help the makers fine tune the film before its release. It helps them figure out what’s working and what isn’t. Keep that in mind as you read my review. Things may change.
Because they’re subject to change I’m going to mention some slight spoilers on the basics of the story. If you want to go in 100% blind, don’t read on. But basically I’ll be saying things like “people get shot” but I won’t tell you who.
I was hesitant to jump into the review so early because it was a test screening, and I don’t want to offer up thoughts on a flim that is, by the maker’s perspective, incomplete. But I really liked it and I figured good word of mouth isn’t going to hurt their efforts. I’m actually excited about seeing it again in October to compare what they kept and what they changed. I’m part of the process! … Sort of.
That’s my friend Ersal in the comic, and he was really surprised about role in the film. He said, “Every time he came on screen all I saw was the dreads from Scary Movie 4.” I can understand that, but you have to respect Scorsese for giving someone so established, typecast, and successful as a comedian, a chance in a dramatic part. Let him spread his wings. His dramatic success gives us better chances that there won’t be a Kangaroo Jack sequel. Based on that, everyone should go see The Departed.
Ok… on to the review.
Yesterday I got into a sneak preview of Scorsese’s new movie The Departed. Even as an unfinished print I’ve got to say it’s some of his strongest and most accessible work in years.
The Departed stars Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio as rats on opposite sides of the law. One is a criminal masquerading as a cop; the other is a cop masquerading as a criminal. What got me is that… they work in the same department. At first it seems odd that their paths would never cross, but as the movie roars on the tension that creates, and the expectancy of their meeting, becomes the primary motivator of the film.
They do a really nice job of balancing between the two characters and their two very different worlds. At points in the film I felt like Scrosese was picking a favourite and riding him through to the end, but then the movie would flip over and you’d get the other perspective. The story of the two men, and the men behind them manipulating deeper into the opposite ends of the spectrum, is really masterfully done.
With any film that has this many secrets and insiders, there’s going to be a lot of story, a lot of explanation, and a lot of exposition. That sort of thing I expected going in. The talkie talkie can slow the pacing to a crawl and kill even a good movie. Thankfully Scrosese is big enough to get people like Alec Baldwin and Mark Wahlberg to walk us through the set up, cracking jokes all along the way. They both brought a lot of humor to a thick script, and that helped to break up the heavy drama and sporadic skull cracking.
That’s the beautiful thing about Scorsese is that he’s so good that every actor wants to work with him, even if it’s just as a background characters. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he could get Meryl Streep to come down for a day and play the role of “Woman scratching her ass in the background.” Compelling!
The action is loud and brutal coming out of nowhere and shocking you at every turn. Same thing with the soundtrack, which marries a soft Nicholson monologue with a pounding beat and angry growl worthy of starting the best mosh pit. On paper the combination feels like a complete mismatch but Goddamn, it was awesome! For and old guy Scorsese still knows how it hit hard and rock out. You’ve got to appreciate that.
Jack Nicholson, who plays Costello, the puppet master on the criminal end of things, kicks all kinds of ass in this movie. He’s nasty and evil and dangerous in every way we all want Jack to be. For the first half of the movie you could swear that they made this movie just as a vehicle for Jack to get a supporting actor nomination come winter, but the second half belongs to Leo. DiCaprio kills it and reminds everyone in the room why he’s one of the great actors of this generation.
Between Leo and Matt, Leo is clearly the stand out. I don’t think it’s Matt’s fault though. His character has a lot to react to early on, but the deeper he gets as a ”bad guy” in the “good guy’s” world, the more comfortable he gets. At one point his character runs out of internal conflict and he essentially becomes a tool to move the story along. At the end he has some nice character moments but to be honest, by that point you’re so wrapped up in Leo’s end of the story that you could care less about Matt’s fracturing connection to his mentor/father figure.
Leo has the plum role. His character really gets wrapped up in the back and forth of internal espionage. Because he’s the “good guy” surrounded by “bad guys” he knows that if they found him out, there would be no hesitation in killing him, and that messes his head up fast. Even as he demonstrates to his shrink his worry free, unshaken hand, you can feel a nervous breakdown begging to explode from him with every breath he takes. It’s true that Baldwin and Wahlberg steal every scene they’re in, but DiCaprio doesn’t let them go easily.
There is a love triangle between Damon, DiCaprio, and Vera Farmiga, who plays the department psychiatrist and who apparently will hook up with anybody that threatens her. Farmiga, who I had only seen before in this year’s Running Scared, holds her own in this boys club and makes you remember her. And not just because of her rockin’ ass. I swear, that thing should have it’s own credit in the film. Worth the ticket price. If someone asked me who the coolest character in the movie was I would have trouble deciding between Wahlberg and her ass. I want to be friends with both of them.
Love stories can bring a lot to a movie and this one does have its place in The Departed. Thankfully it doesn’t take over the movie and become the reason these men are after each other. The conflict was never about a woman so why should it suddenly be, just because she’s screwing around with both of them? I was glad the love story was there, I was glad for what it added to the story, but more importantly, I was glad it didn’t get in the way.
Great ass though.
I would have loved some more of Boston. There are plenty of shots of the city but in all of Scorsese’s New York films, there’s so much attention and respect given to the city that it’s almost as if it were a character in the film itself. Maybe I appreciate that because I’m a New Yorker and all the folks in Boston will be able to see something in The Departed that I couldn’t. But as an outsider, it didn’t feel special. It felt like it could be any city. It felt like accents and landmarks.
Some of the guys I saw the movie were disappointed with the big ending, but I’ve got to say it had me shocked at every turn. Without going into spoilers - people get dead. There was some friendly debate afterwards on who and how many people should have been killed. Should the good guys win? Should the bad guys win? Should no one win? I found myself thrilled leaving the theater but then questioning the ending 20 minutes after leaving. It’s a real thinker. And I think that, as an experience, it’s better to have that then a satisfying film you forget an hour later.
You can try and guess what will happen, and you may get a few things right, but you won’t see the whole picture. Because stuff KEEPS HAPPENING. Not in a bad way like Return of the King where you’re just pounding your fist against your head begging for the damn thing to end, but in a way where you’re just surprised and you actually want to see what will happen next.
Based on reactions I wouldn’t be surprised if by the time The Departed reaches theaters, there are a few changes to the end, but I hope not too many. It was pretty damn good.
Rating: 8.5 out of 10
The Departed is a shockingly well-told tale of deceit and loyalty in the dangerous world of nuclear missile control chips. OK, the criminal enterprise of this Bostonian mob was somewhat questionable, but drugs and gambling have been done to death.
I’m curious what will eventually change but there’s too much good not for me to recommend it.
DVD Worthy?:
Possibly. It’s one of those movies that I could see myself getting wrapped up in and really enjoying, but it’s also a real investment of time. It’s not something to watch lightly. Purchasing it would depend more on price and extras. A nice DiCaprio/Scorsese commentary, maybe one from the screenwriter that did the adaptation from the origional Korean film The Departed is based on… that’s worth it to me.
If You liked this movie check out: Goodfellas
If anything, The Departed reminded me how good Scorsese really is. His visuals and sense of pacing in a story like this, that covers a lot of time and a lot of misdirection, are rare in Hollywood. Few directors have the sensibilities to keep you that interested for that long.
Goodfellas is a very different story but the way things unravel and escalate in the two films is very familiar. Plus it’s just a kick ass movie. “No one’s going to prison, Karen!”
Non Movie Related News
I wanted to wish a happy first anniversary to our friends over at Hobotrashcan.com! Congrats to Joel and the whole crew. With their unique reviews I’ve made them a regular stop on my pop culture watch. Here’s to another strong year, guys!
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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V
