Pulse

Released: 08/11/06

Viewed: 4:45pm 08/12/06

Starring: Kristen Bell, Ian Somerhalder, Christina Milian, Rick Gonzalez, Jonathan Tucker, Samm Levine, Ron Rifkin

Directed by: Jim Sonzero

Official Site of the movie

I’ve been waiting a long time for Pulse to be released. After two false start-ups (published release dates on March 3rd and July 14th) the movie finally kur-plunked into theaters on August 11th, only to be knocked into obscurity by Step Up, a teen targeted dance film. But the fact that the movie finally came out was enough reason to celebrate for me. I sat in that theater in pure glee as I cowering behind my large diet coke watching digital effects creep out of shadows and stalk beautiful people. And I know deep down that with its fresh young stars and new fangled digital effects, Pulse is essentially just the horror equivalent of Step Up, but I can’t help it. I was ready for this film. I was waiting for this film. And based on the box office, apparently I was one of the only ones.

Some of the best youth TV has to offer, Veronica Mars’s Kristen Bell and LOST’s Ian Somerhalder, star in Pulse. Another Japanese horror movie remade for the U.S. market. And I’m not convinced that this is a good thing. Not because you shouldn’t mess with classics, but because Japan has contributed to the fascination of the haunting of technology. Videotapes are haunted. Video games are haunted. Pulse of course takes it to the next level because, when there’s nothing left for the dead to dead to possess, they’ll spam the hell out of you.

Spam is the worlds greatest evil at this point, so I totally buy it. But seriously, houses are haunted not your inbox.

Still, the movie manages to be pretty scary by using (for the most part) the old standard of quick cuts and loud noises. It’s not the kind of terror that will stay with you, but I was a flinching machine in the theater. What’s upsetting is that they had real horror months ago. They had it! In the early previews there was footage of stark white, hairless ghouls rolling out of the shadows, dancing in slow motion, and popping out of laundry machines. They were real, and tangible, and frightening. In the actual film the real life figures were filtered out with a sort of digital fuzz. An effect, I assume, to try and connect them to the plot of “lost souls travelling on a different frequency.� It helps the story but hurts the horror.

I should mention that the bathtub scene was probably the freakiest part of the movie. What happens in that tub isn’t the sort of thing you’ll think about on a day to day basis as a great horror moment, but the next time you take a bath you’ll think twice about clouding the water with bubbles. Honestly, who takes baths any more anyway?

Here’s the thing – I don’t even blame the makers of the film for the disappointing fuzz filter. I blame the Internet. Because it’s haunted! Just kidding. I blame the Internet because after test screenings in the beginning of the year, blogs across the country lit up with complaints. Of what, I’m not completely sure, but I can totally picture some nerd saying, “The dead are too real. Shouldn’t they be on a different frequency?� “Hey, that little shit is right. Let’s change everything!� Thanks a lot jackass. One complaint I’m aware of is a plane crash scene lifted directly from the Japanese film Kairo which Pulse is based on. Stolen footage is a big turn off even if next to none of your target audience is even aware of the original film. This clip was even used in the theatrical trailers and TV spots, but thankfully a new, elaborate, totally out of place plane crash was edited in. This of course led to the film being pushed back for rumoured re-shoots and effects work, and for that I cannot forgive you Internet.

Like most of the horror Americanizations of Japanese films, Pulse is much slicker and stylized, but sadly it’s much tamer in the fright department. Something gets lost in translation and creepy becomes campy, suspense becomes a new song on the soundtrack, and the beast in the shadows becomes nothing more than nice special effects work. It’s a hollow shell and I kept thinking it might have held more resonance had they not over-polished it.

So I’m not exactly a huge horror buff, and some regular readers might be aware of that. I’m the sort of person that gets excited about the idea of a horror movie, and when I get to the theater I find myself freaked out within the first 2 minutes, and consequently pissed off at the realization that there’s another hour and a half to go! For the most part I end up having a good time but it’s rarely a smooth ride. The real draw for this film was Kristen Bell.

I’m a huge Veronica Mars fan. I think it’s one of the best shows on TV, so when I saw this as Bell’s first big Hollywood film I made myself get interested in it. It didn’t hurt that her roommate in the movie is Christina Milian who is so smoking hot. And they hang out with nerds! (Rick Gonzalez and Samm Levine. Sorry guys. Loved Old School and Freaks and Geeks.) I want to know what school they go to so I can enroll there and be creepy old nerd. I could totally buy them beer! I want to be part of that world. Internet viruses be damned, I like those odds!

Ok, that was creepy. But fun.

Every actor and actress mentioned, nerdy or hot, is solid in the film. I think Bell and Somerhalder, who do all the heavy lifting here, are able to carry the film well. But it could have been a great film had there been a bit more material. Things fizzle down and they actually run out of things to do. I’m very hesitant to ruin the ending even though it bothered the hell out of me. It’s a classic Hitchcokian closing that I was never a big fan of in its origional form, but it’s a classic, and the classics are classic for a reason.

Pulse is a nice flashy horror film with a few good thrills. True horror nuts may appreciate the concept but will be disappointed by film school scare tactics. But I think most people know what to expect. It’s not brilliant but it’s a night out at the movies. It could be worse. It could be another damn movie about a creepy kid that just… won’t… die! Wickerman review goes up in about 2 weeks!

Rating: 5 out of 10

Pulse is a bit of a disappointment after waiting so long, and it’s not the strongest horror movie you’ll see this season, but it’s not a complete waste. Add it to your Netflix cue in a couple of months. You might regret it, but I doubt you’ll regret it enough to write me an angry e-mail. If you do, let me know what you though about the ending. Stupid, right?

DVD Worthy?:

Pass. I’m not one for horror on DVD. Once you know where all the jumps are, the thrill is gone.

Trailer Hitch: The Covenant

I’ve seen the trailer for The Covenant 3 or 4 times now and it always gets a mixed reaction. Either the crowd is really into the exploding cars or they laugh at how lame the cast looks in their over-posed action stances. I’m all for it though. In the trailer they lay down the structure for a cool sci-fi action adventure with it’s own built in history and mythology. It reminds me a lot of Highlander. They live in their own world with awesome secret powers. I think that sounds like fun.

If You liked this movie check out: feardotcom

Ok, my group of friends and I have always considered feardotcom to be the worst movie we ever saw in a theater. It’s website haunting angle was a little ahead of it’s time, but so poorly done it’s almost un-watchable. Like Pulse, its major themes have to do with the dead haunting the Internet. Pulse is more literal and feardotcom went the “trippy� route to try and scare it’s audiences. Neither worked perfectly but we’re talking about ghosts on line. It’ll be 50 years before that makes sense to anyone.

Back in June a bunch of us got together for a full day of Superman. One of the films Phil made us watch was the directors cut of Supergirl. It sucked so hard that I bought Phil feardotcom for his birthday, just out of spite. Driving home from Chicago someone dared us to put it in the minivans DVD player. I was all for it because I wanted to see Phil squirm in the horrible Stephen Dorff-ness of it all. 5 minutes in, he’s out cold. Everyone was out cold except for the driver and me. This may not sound to bad except the driver was actually interested so I had to describe it to him. “She’s walking down the hall… There’s a creepy ball bouncing in slow motion. There’s a little girl there. I think she has vitiligo.� It was a miserable experience but ended up being a lot of fun to make fun of. I don’t actually recommend watching it, but I dare you to get together with your friends and see how bad it is.

Non Movie Related News

If that wasn’t enough Pulse discussion for you take a look at this post in the Pulse thread on the Digital Pimp boards, where I’ve posted a detailed account of my relationship with the delay of the film. It’s fun stuff but made the review impossibly long.

In less Internet haunting news, Joe Loves Crappy movies was officially added on as a member over at Boxcar Comics! It sort of happened quickly and I’m still shaken up by it. It’s always been nice being a member of the group with the Coffee Achievers, but because I was only half of that comic I always felt like a junior member of the group. Not because of anything they said or did, everyone over there is totally cool, I just never felt like a real contributor. Or sort of like a half contributor.

So I was invited in at the same time Multiplex was voted in (Congrats Gordon!) and there you have it. It’s such a great group to be involved with. I couldn’t be happier.

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